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Dr. Kay Fowler: Adult Sibling Loss

Posted on March 6, 2016 - by Heidi Horsley

Adult sibling loss is a common disenfranchised loss. Dr. Heidi Horsley interviews Dr. Kay Fowler at an Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) conference. Dr. Fowler is the editor of the ADEC Forum, and she lost three adult sisters in a 15 year period. The deaths of Jenny, Ann, and Mary Grace have largely impacted Dr. Fowler’s life and work. Mary Grace died of a heart attack at 44, and Dr. Fowler just couldn’t process it. There was no language or way to make sense of the situation. She felt invisible, with all the focus on her mother and […]

Dr. Ken Doka: How Women and Men Grieve Differently

Posted on March 5, 2016 - by Ken Doka

It’s no surprise that men and women grieve differently. Dr. Gloria Horsley interviews Dr. Ken Doka, president and consultant to the American Hospice Foundation, at an Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) conference. It’s no longer solely an issue of gender—and “some” men grieve differently than women. There are, instead, many ways of grieving. Intuitive types experience grief in waves of feeling. Both men and women can experience this. Grief can come out in anger and crying, which is an externalization. Talking about grief and dealing with emotions while finding ways to process feelings can be a great help […]

Lynne Ann DeSpelder: Healing Through Art

Posted on March 4, 2016 - by Heidi Horsley

A leader in the field of grief and loss, Dr. Lynne Ann DeSpelder talks with Dr. Heidi Horsley about using art to help heal from grief. Dr. DeSpelder is also a professor of psychology, counselor, and author of The Last Dance: Encountering Death and Dying (now in its eighth edition). When someone dies, think about what you used to do before—and what you do now. Often, what you did was pretty normal. Dr. DeSpelder recalls a young mother who lost her baby. Before Justin’s death, she used to make clay artwork and sell it at a boutique. Dr. DeSpelder told […]

Dr. Ira Byock: Nurturing a Relationship During Grief

Posted on March 2, 2016 - by Jessica Tyner Mehta

Professor at Dartmouth Medical School Dr. Ira Byock shares with the Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) four key items to keep in mind in order to maintain a whole relationship. He’s also the Director of Palliative Medicine, and has been involved with hospice care for over 30 years. In emergency medicine and private practice, he created a foundation to work with palliative care now full-time. Keeping your relationships current and complete is critical with end of life care. Think of it like a circle: There’s nothing broken or left undone. “Please forgive me,” “I forgive you,” “Thank you,” […]

Bridget Park: Teens and Sibling Loss

Posted on March 1, 2016 - by Heidi Horsley

The Executive Director of the Open to Hope Foundation, Dr. Heidi Horsley, talks to Bridget Park about losing a brother. Sibling loss is often a disenfranchised one. Park recommends leaning on your family and letting others love you and just be there for you. It’s tempting to push people away because you don’t want them to feel sorry for you. Being there for one another is critical. Parents worry when a teen doesn’t talk after losing their sibling. Parents think teens should talk, but Park says in her experience she was trying not to upset her parents. They don’t want […]

Stephanie Groepper: Spouse Loss

Posted on February 29, 2016 - by Heidi Horsley

Losing a spouse is unexpected, since you see yourself growing old with this person. Dr. Heidi Horsley talks to Stephanie Groepper, a military widow. She’s a psychology student and the founder of Washington Warrior Widows, a non-profit for widows and widowers in Washington State. Groepper’s daughter is seven years old, and was only four months old when her partner died. In the military, it’s the loss of both a spouse and a lifestyle. As part of the military, it can be a sudden loss of your community. You’re given one year to move off base if you live in military […]

Dr. Carla Sofka: Museums as Healing Spaces

Posted on February 28, 2016 - by Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley

Museums can be a great site for healing according to Dr. Carla Sofka. A professor at Siena College, she points out that almost everyone has a memory of visiting a museum, and they serve a variety of purposes. They’re a place where learning can be fun. Since she began volunteering at New York museums following 9/11, she’s found that they are also great healing spaces for those in grief. Brimming with information, people of all ages can learn about events that have a big impact on their life. Museums are also a place to go for those who didn’t get […]

Relationship Struggles May Coincide with Grieving

Posted on February 25, 2016 - by Anne Jennings

Relationship with your current partner Losing a family member or friend is stressful on the relationship with your intimate partner. People suffering a profound sense of loss are more vulnerable to relationship conflicts at work and home. Your partner may be uncomfortable with intense, physical sensations and making love at this time. When you desire to rekindle the feelings towards each other arrange the bedroom to reflect what you both want. Make the bedroom a haven for your relationship. Introduce warmth with exotic fabrics, lots of textures and patterns, romantic colours, and artwork. Remove books and reports that relate to […]

The Aftermath of a Suicide

Posted on February 24, 2016 - by Jill Smoot

After the shock , after the gut-wrenching pain, and after so many tears unnumbered are shed, then comes the aftermath, and for some, anger. This anger was not my own, but the feelings of my dear mother-in-law, after the death of Janice, her daughter. Janice was more than just my husband’s sister, she was a close friend. We were only one month apart in age, and had shared a lot of memories together over the years. The feelings I had, and were daily dealing with, were not those of anger but complete incomprehensible understanding. How could Janice end her life […]

Staying Put or Selling the Family Home

Posted on February 22, 2016 - by Anne Jennings

I have worked with many clients who have chosen to move away from their home after the passing of a loved one. The information in this Open to Hope article may help you decide if this is your best path at the moment. Things to consider People suffering profound grief may want to move house, to run away from the events that have taken place and find a new job, to move the kids to a different school to escape. There are two ways to look at the choices we make. One is to make a decision because you desire […]