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Fatherly Influence: Transcending Biology and Time

Posted on June 20, 2015 - by Gretchen Kodanaz

The first time my adoptive father, Taner, tried to teach me a lesson was over green peppers that had formed a pile on the side of my plate. I was five years old with classically frustrating picky-eater syndrome, and I didn’t want those peppers. But being the new father figure in the previously single-parent household, Taner was proving a point: I was not leaving the table until I finished everything on my plate. Until that point, having a consistent and authoritative male figure in the house was a foreign concept to me. My biological father Rodney had unexpectedly passed two […]

Sheryl Sandberg Redefines Empathy in Eloquent Reflection on Grief

Posted on June 20, 2015 - by Franklin Cook

Sheryl Sandberg and Dave Goldberg Sheryl Sandberg’s recent Facebook post (bit.ly/sandbergempathy), written a month after her husband died, is a wise reflection on the rawness of grief — and a testament to the resiliency of those who grieve. Her heart-rending story gives us a hundred gifts, perhaps the greatest of which has not as much to do with the extraordinary things she says as it has to do simply with the fact that she is able to stand before us, plain and real, and share: This is how it is for me. Where she takes her stand, she makes room […]

The Relationship Continues, the Context has Changed

Posted on June 17, 2015 - by Paul Coleman

I spoke to Bridget, who nearly one year after her dad’s passing at the age of sixty-four was missing him terribly. She always had a close connection to her dad and was one of his caretakers while he was quite ill the year before he passed away. She believes in an afterlife and believes that her dad might well be “around me some of the time” — but she believed her relationship with him come to an end because he was not physically there. “Actually,” she said, “I believe we can still have some sort of relationship but it is […]

Running from Dad’s Death

Posted on June 16, 2015 - by Elaine Mansfield

“I need to see Dad,” I said to Mom. I stood in my parents’ bedroom. My mother’s clothes were strewn on the floor and the bed was unmade. “I’m in a hurry, Elaine. I have to get to the hospital.” “I know,” I said. “Take me with you. I want to see Dad. He’s MY dad.” “Elaine, he’s too sick. You’re too young.” “You’re wrong. I’m fourteen. Let me come with you.” We’d had this exchange for weeks. She hadn’t budged. “Mom, he’s my dad. Don’t keep me from seeing him.” She looked at me with tired exasperated eyes and […]

A Father ‘Hears From’ His Deceased Son on Father’s Day

Posted on June 15, 2015 - by Perry Grosser

Hi Dad, I have been thinking awhile of what I would write to you on Father’s Day, what I want to tell you, as well as what you need to hear. For Father’s Day, a day that you have never embraced since the loss of your father so long ago, God has finally let me write you this letter. Of course, it is your fingers doing the typing – but by all means, these are my words and thoughts – to you. First of all, I know you miss me terribly, and I know you will never get over that […]

Emergency 2009: A Father Falls

Posted on June 14, 2015 - by Cheryl Espinosa-Jones

It’s getting close to dinner time and I’m in the kitchen, ingredients on the counter and a pan heating up. The phone rings. It’s my mother. It’s not a usual time for her to call, but I don’t think much of it. “Cheryl, something terrible has happened.” I have that strange feeling you get when you come home to a house that has been burglarized. Something is not right, but what is it? The evidence is in front of me, but it doesn’t add up to any conclusion. I am suddenly alert. “What’s happened, Mom?” “Your dad was out for […]

Mitch Carmody: Proactive Grieving

Posted on June 12, 2015 - by Mitch Carmody

Grieving shouldn’t just be a passive process—but many people need help being proactive about it. Dr. Gloria Horsley from the Open to Hope Foundation recently spoke with proactive grieving expert Mitch Carmody of Heartlight Studios about what it means to grieve in a proactive manner. Carmody brings his own experience to the table, having lost his son 27 years ago and experiencing more losses throughout the decades. “Trying to navigate this dark journey, I grieved like my mother used to,” he says. In the past, grief was something you hid away, and that’s still an approach used (and even encouraged) […]

Cori Bussolari: Grief Therapy What Families Need

Posted on June 11, 2015 - by Cori Bussolari

With a background in pediatric psychology, Dr. Cori Bussolari now specializes in grief therapy within a private practice and also teaches at the University of San Francisco. She has extensive experience working with parents of dying children and parents of children who have already passed. Recently, she spoke with the Executive Director of the Open to Hope Foundation, Dr. Heidi Horsley, during the Association of Death Education and Counseling conference about strategies for coping with such losses. Dr. Horsley has known Dr. Bussolari for several years and notes that she’s such a positive person—though Dr. Bussolari had lost both of […]

My Fathers in Heaven

Posted on June 11, 2015 - by Janet Grimes

Both my fathers are in Heaven. For me, it has always been this way. If God watched me from the moon, Daddy rested on the brightest nearby star. I grew up dreaming of the time I would get to meet my Daddy, face to face. I sought out his footsteps, so I could somehow follow a shadow never seen for myself. From my earliest memories as a three-year-old, trying to grasp the meaning of “forever,” I reached out to God, which formed the beginning of a beautiful relationship. God became my hero; always there, ready, willing and able to provide […]

As Life Ended, He Knew He Had Done the Best He Could

Posted on June 11, 2015 - by Jane Simington

Developmental theorist Eric Erickson1 described our final developmental task as being the need to review our life to determine if the gods are pleased. In doing a life review, we sort through the various aspects of our life and conclude either with believing we have done the best we could, or determining there are things we need to make right within our self or in our relationships. Some time ago, my husband called me for help with the frightening visions that were being experienced by his dying father. As my father-in-law’s life was drawing to a close he began having […]