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Love, Loss, Planning and Valentine’s Day

Posted on January 15, 2015 - by Marguerite OConnor

Valentine’s is a day when love, chocolate, flowers, jewelry, greeting cards, romantic movies, dinners, drinks and the color red abound. And, Valentine’s Day can trigger those who are not “coupled” to feel sad, pressured, disappointed or lonesome. It can also be a day to have heartfelt conversations about current or future plans, passions, inspiring books, art or music; perhaps sharing dreams or experiences of traveling, contemplating relocating geographically, or discussing end-of-life wishes for yourself or those you love. What?! Discussing end-of-life wishes? Yes, impermanence is real. Conversation might include thoughts of making changes, perhaps moving to a different climate, or moving […]

Is Grief Making You Feel Sick?

Posted on January 13, 2015 - by Paula Stephens

Recently I got an email from a woman who had lost her son a few years ago. She openly shared how much she had aged fast since her son’s passing. She listed a couple of her most urgent ailments and I quickly realized the process of grieving was taking its toll on her health. As I continued to read, my heart sunk. First off, she is younger than I am, and I’m nowhere near ready to admit that I’m old. Secondly, her ailments were symptoms of secondary losses to grief, not aging. She was slowly killing herself and she had […]

The Best Kept Secret and the Biggest Lie

Posted on January 11, 2015 - by Michael Nunley

I’ll bet you want me to explain the title of this article in one paragraph and let you get back to your search for healing. It’s never quite that easy is it? That last sentence was a hint, by the way. Truthfully, I don’t want to make today, or any day harder for you, so I promise to make this one short. Consider this: the real reason why a program like Alcoholics Anonymous works, is shared & applied experience. The people in that room KNOW what the problems feel like. They KNOW what worked for them and what failed them. […]

Memories Can Help Us Heal Our Grief

Posted on January 9, 2015 - by Harriet Hodgson

“I learn something from my mother every day,” I told my husband. The statement surprised me. Maturity, grief knowledge, and new coping skills may have prompted this statement. Whatever the reasons may be, the statement is true. What have I learned from my mother? This question takes me back to childhood. My mother often said, “The good fairy isn’t coming.” When she said this, she was trying to tell me I was responsible for myself. The good fairy wasn’t coming to rescue me. Relatives and friends may help, but in the end, problem-solving is up to me. In recent years, […]

Writer Penny Slusher on Somber-Free Rites

Posted on January 8, 2015 - by Nancy Gershman, LMSW

Buying presents for the dead and gifting them; knowing your “mama dance” and texting as the deceased: this and more when memory artist, Nancy Gershman talks with writer and actress Penny Slusher about somber-free rites. Currently, Slusher is working on a one-woman show about the house she grew up in Bristol Tennessee, and how living with tragic events affected the family in their daily lives. Take your meals with the dying, whether they’re hungry or not Be what the dying need you to be Behave as if the dying still care about manners Study your mom so one day you can do The Mama Dance Before you […]

The Greater Question

Posted on January 5, 2015 - by Charles W. Sidoti

This article is an excerpt from “Living at God’s Speed, Healing in God’s Time” written by Charles W. Sidoti and Rabbi Akiva Feinstein. Seldom does a week (or even a day or an hour) go by when we are not confronted with the question “Why?” Why are lives devastated by illness, hunger, and devastating loss? Why financial crisis, abusive and broken relationships? Why car wrecks and plane crashes? Why do children need to die? Our generation is also challenged by global “whys?” There are catastrophic natural phenomena, tsunamis, earthquakes, war, and events like 9/11, to name but a few. Tragedy […]

Heart-Shaped Door: A Story of Kids and Art

Posted on January 4, 2015 - by Katherine Relf-Canas

“What do you think you’d want to draw that’s at home?” asks Gary Vasgerdsian, an artist who today is wearing his volunteer hat, participating in a unique program called Kids & Art. The two youngsters he is addressing are Bay Area kids who belong to a very special population of children. Their lives have been touched by cancer. Looking around the room here at the Peninsula Museum of Art, it might not be apparent who in this group is undergoing cancer treatment. At first glance, you might think these are kids doing an “ordinary” art workshop. Just by looking you […]

Coping with the New Year Blues

Posted on January 1, 2015 - by Lora Mercado

It seems that everyone is excited to start the new year ahead with gusto, and plans for the future. To someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, this can bring about even stronger feelings of sadness and despair. The one we spent our time with is no longer here to make plans with, while the world moves on without us. Some grievers may feel that there is nothing left to live for at this very delicate time in their life. This thought couldn’t be more wrong. Each and every one of us has a purpose in this […]

Open the Door, Welcome Joy

Posted on December 28, 2014 - by Susan Casey

“Twinkling lights, horse-drawn carriages and the Sugar Plum Fairy all aglow. Evergreens and mistletoe, and Gingerbread houses lined in a row. Stockings hung by wood stoves, dogs curled up on the floor, as we sit and rock with our memories knocking at our door.” Time is measured from the moment our loved ones inhale their last breath. We hear the twitching of the clock’s hands, the tick-tock, tick-tock, reminding us that time passes, even if it feels as though we’re trapped in some elusive nightmare—one we’ll never awaken from until our own heart beats a final beat. The sun inches […]

Holidays and Loss in a Fractured Family

Posted on December 27, 2014 - by Lyn Prashant

Not all holiday memories are fond. In fact, many people proclaim that they’re hiding out or finding an escape route during this season of forced festivity. Emotional distress looms largely for the lonely and bereaved. Extreme challenges and additional difficulties are presented from cultural pressures to be jolly rather than being authentic especially for the newly bereaved. Offering a mixed bag of memories, emotions, familiar smells, nostalgic songs holiday rituals usually stimulate memories of people and holidays past, provoking painful unresolved issues from longstanding difficulties. “Loss and Grief are as universal as a smile.” Bereavement is a natural process that […]