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The Irony and Inconsistency of Grief

Posted on December 21, 2013 - by Charles W. Sidoti

This article was written by Rabbi Akiva Feinstein and Charles W. Sidoti. Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart. Don’t scratch for answers that cannot be given now. The point is to try to live everything. Live the questions for now. Perhaps then, someday far into the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. – Rainer Maria Rilke When life turns difficult, a common way of trying to get around the pain is to try to think our way out of the situation. The problem with this is that it assumes the process […]

How Can You Bring Holiday Cheer to a Loved One in Intensive Care?

Posted on December 19, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

They arrive one-by-one — bouquets, potted plants, green boughs, and more, lined up like a florist’s parade. But none of these plants make it to patients’ rooms. Plants are not allowed in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). Your loved one may be the hospital ICU now. In late October my husband’s aorta dissected and he has been in the hospital ever since, almost two months, most of this time in the ICU. He had three emergency operations, one life-threatening surgery, and four wound-cleaning surgeries, or as doctors call it, “procedures.” Worse, it doesn’t look like my husband will be dismissed […]

Lessons About Human Nature and Grief From My Work With Chemically Dependent Individuals

Posted on December 18, 2013 - by David Roberts

I am thankful for the brilliant teachings contained in “The Afterlife of Billy Fingers” by Annie Kagan. For me, Billy’s teachings are not just about life, death and the afterlife; they are about recognizing that every life has value, regardless of what is seen on the surface. With that being said, I am dedicating this piece to all of the chemically dependent individuals whose stories touched my life during my human services career and helped me to develop rich insights about grief and loss. The Truth Behind The Cover There is a tried and tested truth that reads: “You can’t […]

Keeping Traditions Helps Us to Keep Hope

Posted on December 18, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

My husband has been hospitalized for weeks, most of this time in intensive care. I visit him three times a day, an erratic schedule that doesn’t leave much time for Christmas shopping or baking. “I don’t care if we have a Christmas tree or not,” I announced to my granddaughter. “Putting it up is work and taking it down is work.” A frown and look of disappointment appeared on my granddaughter’s face. Clearly, she didn’t agree with my decision about the tree. “Don’t worry, Grandma,” she answered. “I’ll put it up.” Minutes later, her twin brother climbed the ladder and […]

How Do I Handle the Family of My Former Spouse?

Posted on December 17, 2013 - by Melinda Richarz Lyons

When I lost my husband, I didn’t realize how deeply that would affect other relationships—particular with his family. When ties are broken by death, relationships with former family members often change. Of course remarrying completely shifts things, but even if you don’t remarry, your relationships are usually different after the loss of your spouse. You will always have that bond of shared memories with your husband’s mother, sister or brother, for example. But their perspective naturally, is different from yours—depending on the relationship. Also, each person involved handles grief individually, and heals at a different pace and in different ways. Any […]

The Christmas Tree

Posted on December 16, 2013 - by Lisa Khuraibet

My mother was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer over Labor Day week-end of 2007. It was a startling diagnosis. She already had Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) and frankly, I figured that would exempt her from any further serious lung disease. I was wrong. It was a long fall, with visits in and out of the hospital. Her first stay was over six weeks. Treatment for the cancer took its toll on her liver and kidneys. We weren’t sure she was going to make it. But everyone underestimated her will to live and the fight in her; my mother […]

Holidays Don’t Have to be Harder Than Other Times of Year

Posted on December 16, 2013 - by Zander Sprague

The holidays are here. This time of year can bring all kinds of stress and anticipation for you and for your living children. Sometimes, just the anticipation can be the hardest part of the holidays. You may find that you anticipate that the holiday it is going to be difficult. You may anticipate that it is going to be sad. Indeed, it may be sad. However, it is important to recognize that Christmas, New Year’s, Hanukkah, Kwanza or whatever holiday you may celebrate does not need to be any more difficult than any other day. My sister was killed December […]

Researcher Seeking Las Vegas-area Parents for Bereaved Study

Posted on December 11, 2013 - by Gloria Horsley

INVITATION TO PARTICIPATE A research study is being conducted to gain a greater understanding of the experiences of bereaved parents. The purpose of this study is to expand on existing knowledge and potentially reduce the isolation experienced by the bereaved. Selected participants will include biological and adoptive parents, who have experienced the death of a child, and whose child was between the ages of 2 and 12 at the time of death. The child’s death must have occurred prior to November 3, 2011 and parents must reside in the Las Vegas, Nevada area. Each qualified participant, after consenting to participation, […]

For the Bereaved, a Difference Between Optimism and Hope

Posted on December 10, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

More than a month ago my husband’s aorta split like a garden hose. He had two emergency surgeries and, while they slowed internal bleeding, they didn’t stop it. My husband had a third operation, 13 hours in the operating room, and surgeons installed a Dacron descending aorta in his chest. Since then, he has had three additional wound-cleaning procedures. Unfortunately, my husband suffered a spinal stroke during the 13-hour operation. Sometimes I’m optimistic about his recovery and other times I’m pessimistic. I felt intense anticipatory grief and less hopeful than I had been in a long time. Where was hope? […]

Good Grief: The Holiday Edition

Posted on December 9, 2013 - by Katherine Ingram

Grief and the holidays are a tough combo. They go together about as well as peanut butter and pickles. Awful. Mourning a loss during this season of joyful celebration is an exercise in endurance and suffering. I know of what I speak: I lost my father, husband, aunt, and step-brother all in December—three in the same December. For a couple of decades, the advent of winter left me in a pall of bleak emotionality. I would have been perfectly happy if I could have skipped directly from Halloween to Easter. I would just as soon forgotten Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s […]