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Use Your Bereavement Support System Wisely

Posted on November 20, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

Two weeks ago, I was planning my husband’s memorial service. Now I think he will survive the three emergency operations he has had, but may not walk again. His kidneys may not function either. As you might imagine, I’m experiencing intense anticipatory grief and using my grief support system. I’m trying to use it wisely. These tips may help you use your grief support system wisely as well. 1. Keep selected people informed. I send regular updates about my husband’s condition to four or five friends. One friend forwards these messages to other friends in my support system. Her gift […]

Getting Help During Bereavement

Posted on November 19, 2013 - by Beth Marshall

“Call if you need anything!“ How many times have you heard those five familiar words after a crisis or loss of a loved one? Friends want to reach out to you, but aren’t sure exactly what you need. And, if you’re trying to find your equilibrium after a traumatic event, it might be more than you can handle just to make the call for help. Think about this insightful idea. At a grief seminar, the question came up, ”What do you do with all the people who say, ‘call if you need anything?’ “ A woman in the audience raised her […]

‘How Are You?’: A Silent Signpost for the Newly Bereaved

Posted on November 19, 2013 - by Maria Kubitz

“How are you?” It is such a seemingly simple, benign question. Often, those who ask the question are not doing so out of real concern, but just as a polite, meaningless pleasantry. Just as often, those who answer the question would never think to respond with anything other than the implicitly expected “I’m fine” or “Good. How are you?” – even if everything wasn’t fine. But what happens when the simple question of “How are you?” becomes a harsh reminder of the isolation felt by anyone struggling with overwhelming grief? What happens when it becomes the silent signpost marking the […]

Time Sequences of Bereavement: Moving Through Loss

Posted on November 18, 2013 - by Gloria Lintermans

The loss of a spouse is one of the most difficult losses we experience as our entire day-to-day life is turned upside-down. The bereavement process following this loss may be divided into five time sequences. One to four months could be called SHOCK; five to eight months is DENIAL; nine to twelve months is ANGER; thirteen to seventeen months is DEPRESSION; eighteen to twenty four months is INTEGRATION, ADJUSTMENT and TRANSITION. While everyone experiences bereavement and mourning in his or her own way and time, predictably there are time sequences and emotions common to many. You may find yourself going […]

Embracing Holiday Bereavement

Posted on November 18, 2013 - by Cindy Adams

I had to face it, holidays would never be the same after my husband died. I soon realized that I was never going to share time with my loved one again. There would never be the traditional Christmas shopping together, putting up Christmas decorations, shopping around town for a real Christmas tree, or going to a Christmas party together. I was never going to see another smile from my loved one or hear him say “I love you”. At times it felt that life would never be joyful again. And holidays seemed the worse because of so many joyous memories. I had many other joyous moments […]

Bereavement and the Holidays: How to Celebrate When you Don’t Feel Like Celebrating

Posted on November 11, 2013 - by Lisa Khuraibet

Often times, we are reminded of our loved ones during the holidays. It is during holidays that, no matter how much we feel we have healed that our bereavement hits the hardest. I remember when my mother passed away; December 21. Our family was not only sharing in our bereavement but also facing the holidays within days. The adults were in a quandary – grieve or continue with life as we knew it for the sake of our children. I believed that our mom would have wanted us to have Christmas as we had planned, and everyone agreed. She wouldn’t […]

Asking for Help with Anticipatory Bereavement

Posted on November 11, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

,In the last week my husband has undergone three emergency surgeries, all of them life-threatening. I wondered how many operations he could tolerate. He is in the critical care unit of the hospital, hooked up to more tubes and wires and machines than I can count. If he survives, he many never walk again. I’m feeling intense anticipatory bereavement, wide mood swings that go from despair to hope. Because I’ve studied anticipatory grief for more than a dozen years and written about it, I recognized these feelings and realized I needed help. So I contacted family members and they rallied […]

A Dozen Bereavement Tips for Getting Through the Holidays

Posted on November 10, 2013 - by Donna Miesbach

Years ago, when my minister told me the holidays are difficult for a lot of people, I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. Why on earth would such a joyous time be difficult? That all changed when I was working my way through the sudden loss of husband and both parents. The holidays, I quickly learned, can indeed be difficult. I also learned there are some things you can do to make them a little easier. Here are some of the things that helped me: 1. Nurture yourself every way you can ~ in big ways and […]

Holidays and Bereavement After the Loss of a Child

Posted on November 8, 2013 - by Shelley Ramsey

Today we usher in the month of November. The holidays are quickly approaching – first Thanksgiving and then Christmas quickly followed by New Year’s. I remember well the pain of those first holidays without Joseph. Prior to his death we were very traditional in the ways we celebrated, but now we didn’t know how to fill the gap among us. Learning to do that was a process. We discovered quickly that we each needed something familiar because life had become so unfamiliar. Since they were part of the fabric of our family, we chose to hang on to many of […]

Lessons Learned: Help for Bereavement During the Holidays

Posted on November 7, 2013 - by Sally Grablick

Halloween is behind us, and we all know what that means. Here come the holidays. If you are grieving, this will be a difficult time for you. What to do, where to go, how do you cope? Take my advice, and don’t try to re-invent the wheel. Instead, make use of the lessons learned by others. Take advantage of the experiences shared in books, on websites, and through support groups. Not everything you discover will work for you – but eventually you will grasp enough that does. I am saddened to say that when it comes to bereavement, I am […]