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Facing Your Wedding Day Without A Parent

Posted on August 3, 2011 - by Gemini Adams

I will be getting married in a month. This is undoubtedly an occasion I am excited about and one that seems to have taken forever to arrive, not least because I am turning 38 this December and my fiancé will hit the 50 mark in October, and neither of us have been married before. Since getting engaged, we have both been acutely aware of the fact that we will both be missing a parent on this special day. My mother died sixteen years ago from cancer and his father passed away five years ago, also from cancer. So far, I’ve […]

Norway Killings: The ‘Why’ Lingers

Posted on August 2, 2011 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

When I first heard the news about the senseless murders in Norway, my thoughts immediately went to the survivors of the murdered people: the shock, the disbelief, the surreal feelings they must be experiencing. Followed by the questions, why, who, why, why, why! Fortunately, the who has been answered. The why will linger for weeks and months, perhaps years to come. Whenever I hear of tragedies like that in Norway, I recall the feelings I experienced almost two years ago, when my sister was murdered. The shock is overwhelming, to say the least. The shock alone can last for months. […]

‘Wish You Were Here’: Friend’s Death Stirs Deep Emotions

Posted on August 1, 2011 - by Heather Arbuckle

I had just returned from a visit back home to Iowa. It was the first morning after a long drive back to Texas, and I was pouting. I missed my friends. I missed my family. Every thought seemed to beckon me home like a postcard reading, “Wish you were here.” Still, vacation was over and my responsibilities as a wife and mother now required my attention. So, as I prepared bowls of cereal for my three children, I pouted to myself quietly. In every other way, it was a typical start to an ordinary day. I urged my kids to […]

Father’s Death Helps Woman Find God and Vocation

Posted on July 31, 2011 - by Heidi Gessner

I am the Palliative Care Chaplain and Bereavement Coordinator for The University of North Carolina Hospitals in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. My interest in working with the dying and bereaved began with my own father’s illness and death in 1994. My story is one of transformation, when for the first time God’s presence was palpable. God found me on my way to visit my ill father. A strange and holy presence arrived in my Honda that afternoon and stayed right beside me. Besides feeling this presence, I also experienced multiple synchronistic events through friends, music and books. Someone was directing […]

Mass Murder in Norway Triggers Anticipatory Grief

Posted on July 30, 2011 - by Harriet Hodgson

The recent murders of innocent children and adults in Oslo, Norway, are a national tragedy. Like September 11th, this tragedy causes anticipatory grief. Usually we associate anticipatory grief with the failing health of a family member, friend, or pet. But anticipatory grief can affect an entire population. Anticipatory grief is a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs. With mass murder and terrorism, the survivors worry about both – more attacks and more deaths. Some survivors may think their anxiety stems from excessive news coverage when they are actually experiencing the symptoms of anticipatory grief. Some grief […]

Forgiving Killers is a Process

Posted on July 29, 2011 - by Mary Westra

They were just faces to me. I wouldn’t make eye contact. Instead I focused on their clothes . . . grey-white sweatshirts, denim shirts, jeans, white sneakers. They didn’t look like inmates, more like janitors to me. I was invited to the medium-security facility in a program of restorative justice sponsored by the University of Minnesota. I was one of two victims ―or are we survivors― of homicide who were invited to meet with four perpetrators serving long sentences for homicides. It was not a match―I was not facing “our” perpetrator. I would not have been willing to meet the […]

Compassion is Most Important Value for Helping Others

Posted on July 28, 2011 - by Ligia Houben

I recently attended the 33rd conference of ADEC (The Thanatology Association), which this year was combined with the International Conference on Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society. The conference was held in my hometown of Miami, Florida. The information and education I received throughout the week was just wonderful. I attended many workshops and confirmed that the most meaningful value a person can possess when helping others in their grieving process is compassion. Compassion is to understand the worldview of the other person at a soul level, leaving aside personal agendas. It is being present without judgment or expectations. Compassion […]

Faded Images, Sacred Days

Posted on July 27, 2011 - by Laurel D. Rund

As I look around me today, I see my life in all its colors. But, there seems to be a film noir running in the background of my mind, and I hear a faint clickity-clack as the movie reel turns. Some familiar scene, object or event triggers my memory to push forward – out of storage. Sometimes the faded image comes with a gentle nudge; sometimes it is like an electrical current that lights up the sky. The moment passes almost too quickly for me to make sense of it – like a fleeting dream you struggle to recall. […]

Even mass tragedy should be personal

Posted on July 26, 2011 - by Kyle Shelton

In recent months I’ve watched tragedy unfold far away from me, in places like Norway and Japan, and very close to me in my home state of Alabama. As I watched the loss of life, I revisited my own personal loss and the way I view the loss of people I don’t even know. I feel great empathy for the people that are dealing with the loss of loved ones in the wake of the attack on Norway, the tsunami in Japan and the tragic loss of life during the April 27 tornado outbreak that killed many near my home. […]

Tune Out Those Who Don’t Know How to Help

Posted on July 26, 2011 - by Sandra Pesmen

While chatting with a new acquaintance seated beside me at a dinner party, I learned her adult son died one year ago. Knowing what a terrible loss that is, and understanding that most people never recover from it, I said, “I’m so sorry. There is really nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, but please know I am very, very sorry for your loss.” She thanked me, then quietly asked when and how my husband died. I told her he died three years ago from Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, a disease of unknown cause with no treatment or cure. She immediately retorted, “Why didn’t […]