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Father Learns to ‘Walk On’ after Daughter’s Drowning

Posted on August 10, 2011 - by Patrick J. Murphy

Margaret Olivia Murphy arrived in the world in the typical manner on December 30, 2004, and she drowned on a float trip on May 24, 2009. Although dreadfully limited in quantity, Margot’s 1,972 days on earth had a special velocity to them as she made an enduring impression on countless people and places. Her curled fire-red hair, beautiful blue eyes, contagious smile, unbridled joyfulness, outsized confidence and natural strut turned heads wherever she went. Margot’s loving nature was a gift beyond description to those blessed to know her well. There was something electric about Margot – like you could see […]

Why Ask Questions About Your Grief Journey?

Posted on August 9, 2011 - by David Roberts

I recently had the honor of being the opening keynote speaker for this year’s national gathering of the Bereaved Parents of the USA. I spoke about the evolution of my grief and observations and lessons learned during the past eight-plus years that have helped me adjust to the reality of life without the physical presence of my daughter Jeannine. One of the things that I addressed was my need to ask “what if,” “could have,” “should have,” and “why” questions throughout my early grief, which was for me about two and one-half years. I say “for me” because everyone’s grief journey […]

‘Splendor to Offset the Gloom’ – Even After Childloss

Posted on August 8, 2011 - by John French

I miss my son, beyond imagining. Compounded by the memories that continue to amass. Additionally, the past has become a Menagerie. Expounded by moments that have already passed. As Time moves on, slow and emphatically. I can not bare to consider how long I might last. Because the loneliness is so immense, it is staggering. And the emptiness is exceedingly vast. It has been almost two years now since my son Brandon passed away. That in itself is confounding. In some ways, it seems like mere moments. In others, it has been an eternity. Grief is so overwhelming that it distorts my […]

What Grief Is, What it Isn’t

Posted on August 6, 2011 - by Deb Kosmer

Grief doesn’t wait for an invitation. It doesn’t go away because you want it to. It always overstays its welcome. It isn’t logical or easily explained. It doesn’t respond to threats or bribes. It will not be avoided indefinitely. It will find a way to be noticed. Grief is not linear, horizontal, or vertical. It is not predictable. It is not confined by time or space. It doesn’t play favorites. It isn’t just for women and sissies. Grief doesn’t forget. It has an excellent memory. It cannot be gone around; only through. Grief is never really “finished” or “over.” Rather […]

The Challenges of Relocation Grief

Posted on August 5, 2011 - by Harriet Hodgson

Relocation grief. I feel it already, though I won’t move for at least four years. When I look out the kitchen window at the apple trees, birds flying back and forth, and visiting wildlife, including deer, turkeys, and pheasant, I feel a sense of loss. My husband and I have already reserved a unit at a Mayo Clinic assisted living community in the heart of downtown Rochester, Minnesota. Knowing that we will live there years from now is a source of comfort. But it’s also a source of relocation grief. Moving is one of the most stressful experiences of life. […]

Making the Decision to Look for the Good in Life

Posted on August 4, 2011 - by Cindy Shufflebarger

After my daughter’s death, I was tempted to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and sleep my pain away. Part of me wanted the world the stop. But I had two other young children to care for, and knew that option wouldn’t be good for them or me. Yet, I was devastated. How could I possibly go on? Life didn’t make sense and I couldn’t focus. I struggled with even basic tasks and everything was so out of control. I didn’t know how to fix my pain or even how to fully embrace it, but I felt […]

Facing Your Wedding Day Without A Parent

Posted on August 3, 2011 - by Gemini Adams

I will be getting married in a month. This is undoubtedly an occasion I am excited about and one that seems to have taken forever to arrive, not least because I am turning 38 this December and my fiancé will hit the 50 mark in October, and neither of us have been married before. Since getting engaged, we have both been acutely aware of the fact that we will both be missing a parent on this special day. My mother died sixteen years ago from cancer and his father passed away five years ago, also from cancer. So far, I’ve […]

Norway Killings: The ‘Why’ Lingers

Posted on August 2, 2011 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

When I first heard the news about the senseless murders in Norway, my thoughts immediately went to the survivors of the murdered people: the shock, the disbelief, the surreal feelings they must be experiencing. Followed by the questions, why, who, why, why, why! Fortunately, the who has been answered. The why will linger for weeks and months, perhaps years to come. Whenever I hear of tragedies like that in Norway, I recall the feelings I experienced almost two years ago, when my sister was murdered. The shock is overwhelming, to say the least. The shock alone can last for months. […]

‘Wish You Were Here’: Friend’s Death Stirs Deep Emotions

Posted on August 1, 2011 - by Heather Arbuckle

I had just returned from a visit back home to Iowa. It was the first morning after a long drive back to Texas, and I was pouting. I missed my friends. I missed my family. Every thought seemed to beckon me home like a postcard reading, “Wish you were here.” Still, vacation was over and my responsibilities as a wife and mother now required my attention. So, as I prepared bowls of cereal for my three children, I pouted to myself quietly. In every other way, it was a typical start to an ordinary day. I urged my kids to […]

Father’s Death Helps Woman Find God and Vocation

Posted on July 31, 2011 - by Heidi Gessner

I am the Palliative Care Chaplain and Bereavement Coordinator for The University of North Carolina Hospitals in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. My interest in working with the dying and bereaved began with my own father’s illness and death in 1994. My story is one of transformation, when for the first time God’s presence was palpable. God found me on my way to visit my ill father. A strange and holy presence arrived in my Honda that afternoon and stayed right beside me. Besides feeling this presence, I also experienced multiple synchronistic events through friends, music and books. Someone was directing […]