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Death at Center of her Life

Posted on October 28, 2010 - by Gabrielle Michel

Sometimes I wonder if our lives are predestined or if we really have choice. Often it seems the universe conspires to lead us in a particular direction, and no matter how hard we fight it, we are going there whether we like it or not. I had a very specific vision of what my life was going to be; let’s just say it doesn’t remotely resemble the life that has unfolded (and continues to unfold) before me. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that my life’s work would be about grief, death and how death can teach […]

Healing Through Art: One With the Universe

Posted on October 28, 2010 - by Tambre Leighn

It was the last painting. I didn’t see it until it was done. When Gary finally unveiled the long canvas, there were no words. I hoped the tears in my eyes communicated the beauty I saw in the piece. He named it One With the Universe. It was like his reconciliation with God…his embracing of everything in his life…the love, the creativity, the illness and whatever was to come. There was power and peace in the colors and the image. A quiet strength…the kind it would, I imagined, later take to hide from me the fact his cancer diagnosis was […]

Where Was God?

Posted on October 28, 2010 - by Howard Winokuer

co-authored with Heidi Horsley, PsyD, LMSW, MS, executive director of Open to Hope Foundation Footprints in the Sand “So I said to the Lord, You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, You have not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you.” Mary Stevenson A question that […]

Prepare to Make it Through the Holidays

Posted on October 28, 2010 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

With the holidays fast approaching, I think about last Christmas. Last year was the first Christmas without my sister. Personally, I felt like skipping over the entire season. I knew in my heart that others were depending on me to help make the holidays bearable, so I helped. I did ask less of myself though. I did most of my shopping online. When I did go out to the malls I was surrounded by happy, laughing people and I felt very alone. I didn’t feel like laughing and being happy. I was almost angry that everyone around me was going […]

Thanksgiving Day Can Be Painful

Posted on October 28, 2010 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

When you lose someone you love, Thanksgiving Day feels burdensome and painful. When a brain tumor took away our precious Katie’s life, I dreaded that holiday. For seven years, we served no rutabagas because they were Katie’s favorite vegetable. The thought of their seasonal aroma wafting through our home without her in it was too much to bear. I don’t share this part of me today to make my readers sad. I share it because you are my extended family and I am yours. We are all fellow travelers. When we suffer loss we question if we will ever overcome […]

Find Pleasure in Music During Holidays

Posted on October 28, 2010 - by Tony Falzano

Believe it or not, the holidays are almost here. Very shortly, some of us will prepare a list of things so we can get ready for the season. It may look like this… Christmas cards? Check! Hanukkah candles? Check! Gifts for children, spouse and parent? Check, check, check! Though Hanukkah and Christmas are joyous occasions for most, they can be very anxious, trying times if you are spending your first (or another) holiday without a special loved one. Saddened with loss, you may struggle to participate in the season’s festivities. One way that can help you through this period, or […]

My Sister’s Murder: The Questions Continue

Posted on October 27, 2010 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

On September 18th, my sister, Sandra, was found dead in her home. It was ruled a homicide later that day. Within a few days we had received the answers to two of our questions. When and How. The time of death was recorded as shortly after 9 am, when she was pronounced dead in her home. My other two sisters and I will always believe she died the night before, September 17. We also found out how she died. Stab wounds to the heart. Receiving those two answers were heart wrenching. Albeit they were answers we so desperately needed. The […]

Not Ready Yet for the Holidays

Posted on October 27, 2010 - by Darcie Sims

We should know better by now. It shouldn’t keep surprising us, but it does. No matter how hard we try, no matter what we do to prepare ourselves, it still happens. Year after year, generation after generation, it arrives without hesitation or delay. It stays too long and never lasts long enough. It is filled with anticipation and dread and we never learn enough and we know far too much… It is greeted with great joy and heavy despair. And it is always announced by the universal cry of “I’M NOT READY YET…” The HOLIDAYS are coming and I haven’t […]

Remembering Loved Ones During the Cold Season

Posted on October 27, 2010 - by Robbie Miller Kaplan

It’s wintertime for me, the most dismal time of year. The birthdays of three special family members and the anniversaries of their deaths fall within a ten-week period. I used to think the weather made this time even gloomier until I read an essay that changed my thinking. The writer’s father died in the month of July and the author shared that despite the sunshine and flowers, July is always a season of sadness for her. So how do we cope with these seasons of grief? I’ve learned that there is no right or wrong way to work through it. Grief […]

Beware the Ghouls and Goblins That Prey on the Widowed

Posted on October 27, 2010 - by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster

In the days and weeks following your spouse’s death, shock and exhaustion can leave you vulnerable to certain people who are difficult to avoid. Usually disguised as well-meaning family and friends, these creatures often unknowingly say or do upsetting things. Here are some tips for identifying them and protecting yourself: 1. Platitude Ghouls Spot them: Though well-intentioned, these creatures don’t think before spewing out insensitive remarks such as, “It’s all for the best”, “Aren’t you over it yet?”, “Don’t worry – you’ll find someone else” or “I went through exactly the same thing during my divorce.” Ward them off by: […]