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Fear Stops Others From Empathizing

Posted on June 16, 2010 - by Kevin Quiles

After any significant loss, we feel empty, lost, and engulfed with indescribable pain. One grueling process in grief work is connecting our feelings and state of being with words. However, once we get passed this hurdle, something else surfaces. We learn quickly that people cannot fully understand. As a father who lost his first child, I know that feeling very well. Trying to educate a world what it’s like to lose a 5 ½-week-old daughter can prove exhausting. In this short article, I hope to universalize this common but unpleasant experience so that when a parent, sibling, friend, or faith […]

For Fathers, Loss of a Child Carries Special Burdens

Posted on June 15, 2010 - by Clara Hinton

Men go through all kinds of identity changes when they experience the loss of a child, especially a child who is older and has lived long enough to create established memories with his or her father. A man identifies himself by mainly two things: the job he has and the family he has. When a child is taken away by death, a man suddenly loses the largest, most important part of his identity. A real crises situation has been created, not just for the father, but also for role the father plays with the family. Fathers love to feel needed, […]

OTH Author Writes Publications on What to Say to the Bereaved

Posted on June 14, 2010 - by Robbie Miller Kaplan

VIENNA, Va., June 14, 2010 – When those around us face tough times, we’re often at a loss for words. We may fear we’ll say the wrong thing and stay away or, we may hurt someone unintentionally by saying or doing something inappropriate. Loss is very isolating and when we stay away, we may compound the loss. Everyone needs support if they are to fully grieve and recover. But what do you do when you’re truly at a loss for words? Robbie Miller Kaplan, a contributing author for Open to Hope, provides the tools you’ll need in How to Say […]

Cypress Tree is Evergreen Memorial to Daughter

Posted on June 14, 2010 - by Louise Lagerman

I was in the garden yesterday planting flowers around your tree like I do every year. I plant marigolds, your father’s favorite flower. He loves the strong yellow color and how they feel light and bright like you. When he planted the tree four years ago, it was so tiny — not much more than a twig. As I gaze upon your tree today I see a strong, tall, beautiful trunk, firmly planted, reaching for the sky. A beautiful cypress tree — that is what we wanted for you when your father planted your tree on that sunny but sad […]

Healing Ink: Writing Into Your Grief

Posted on June 13, 2010 - by Alice Wisler

A weeping willow tree, one flowery journal, two pens (in case one ran out of ink), and a box of Puffs tissues. Those objects stayed close beside me. In my early confusion over the loss of my son, these items never ignored my grief or told me to “get over it.” When it grew too dark to see underneath the stringy weeping willow, I carried my pen and journal inside a house that seemed too empty, and wrote some more. At night, I woke to grapple with turmoil, with the noises in my head, the flashbacks of the cancer ward, […]

First Hours After a Sister’s Murder: Big Questions

Posted on June 12, 2010 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

Many people have suffered some kind of loss of a loved one through death. Personally, I’ve lost both sets of grandparents, my father, two uncles and four aunts, not to mention family friends. But nothing prepared me for the questions — and complications — that followed my sister’s death. My sister died on September 18, 2009 . She was found in her home on the bathroom floor. My sister and I shared a wonderful relationship, one of unconditional love and acceptance. It was a relationship that I thought was relatively normal between sisters. I have since learned, through sharing my […]

Mother Tells Story of Child’s Death, Her Own Faith

Posted on June 11, 2010 - by Kate VanDerPloog

I was coasting through life, pretty comfortably, when suddenly I experienced something no mother should have to go through. I came out on the other side only due to God’s amazing grace. I would not be here today physically or able to share this with you, if it weren’t for my Savior who has given me the strength and peace to go on. I am not a natural writer. English was my least favorite subject in school, and to make things worse, I wasn’t good at it either. So that is why I can say today that I can write […]

The Miracle of the Vigil

Posted on June 10, 2010 - by Dr. Jane R. Westerfield

On Friday, November 5, 1999, as the sun rose over the ocean at St. Simons Island, Georgia, my mother, LuReese Watson Robertson, quietly yielded her spirit to God’s eternal care. The week before had been a time of prayers and tearful goodbyes for our family as we watched her slip away. In the hours I spent alone by her bedside, I talked to her even though she could not answer. Somehow I believe that she heard me as I thanked her for being such a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother. Since there were some indications that she was aware of […]

Despite Pain of Child-Loss, ‘Surrender is Beneath Me’

Posted on June 9, 2010 - by John French

I am hastened into facing another day. Woken by the onslaught of my mourning. It is a struggle to keep the sorrow at bay, as it strikes me without warning. The terror impacts me the instant I wake. But I must keep fighting for sanity’s sake. Through the relentless oppression of laughter and song. To the constant regression as the war rages on. No source of shelter offers any relief, my only protection is the Armor of grief. In the daily battle with my emotions, I often feel overwhelmed. I find myself wallowing in the murky trenches of grief, at […]

After a Loss, Tipping the Balance Toward Joy Again

Posted on June 8, 2010 - by Charles Glassman

For those of you who have read Brain Drain, you remember the chapter that started with a dialogue from the popular Seinfeld episode about George doing the opposite and finding success. In the same episode, Jerry finds that everything always evens out for him, his buddy George, usually jobless and complaining, has now found a job and is cheery; his friend Elaine, usually gainfully employed and upbeat, is now without a job and pessimistic; Seinfeld loses $20, only to find it later in his pocket. He declares that everything works out for him, and Kramer declares him “even Steven.” In […]