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Deep Breathing for the Grieving

Posted on May 26, 2010 - by Tony Falzano

One of the most difficult side effects for those grieving the loss of a loved one is stress. Many of us already live stressful lives under normal circumstances. Add the element of losing a dear one, and in some cases, the bread winner, and our health can suffer more than we realize. In moments when we experience stress, breathing becomes quick, short and erratic. The result is not enough oxygen reaching the different organs of the body. People can become light headed. They can hyperventilate, faint or become sick. Consequently, the body stops running as smoothly as it was designed. […]

Whispered Words

Posted on May 25, 2010 - by Yvonne Lancaster

It has been nearly 25 years since my son Brian was killed by a drunk driver. He was 19 years old. We miss him terribly. Life has never been the same without him. When I use the word “same,” it conjures memories of my children playing in the back yard, watching Sesame Street, doing homework, off to school and church and celebrating their accomplishments, both big and small. It was a time where innocence and everyday challenges intermingled with hope. We had our dreams and plans for a bright and happy future. Brian’s tragedy was a significant life-changing event for […]

Mother’s Day, Before and After

Posted on May 23, 2010 - by Cathy Seehuetter

While sorting through boxes and bags, it is not unusual for me to find something unexpected. It happened just the other day. Shifting through a box, I came across a wrinkled, somewhat yellowed piece of lined school paper. I carefully unfolded it only to find a drawing of a stick-mom and stick-daughter standing along side a mammoth daisy. The mom and little girl were holding hands with huge lopsided grins on their faces. In her little girl just-learning-to-print handwriting were the words, “Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy. I love you, Kristina.” Even six years after Kristina’s death, little gifts such as […]

Mourners Surrounded by Sacred Moments

Posted on May 22, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Ever since my daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash in 2007, I’ve become more aware of the sacred moments in my life. Before she died I thought I was aware of these moments, but this turned out to be untrue. I was sort of aware of them. Other family members also died that year, my father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law. His death made my twin grandchildren orphans, and my husband and I became their court appointed guardians. I’ve had many sacred moments after my grandchildren moved in with us when they were 15 years old. […]

Memories: A Call to Reconnect

Posted on May 21, 2010 - by Stan Goldberg

Did you ever have a memory that rode into your consciousness on the back of a passing odor, object, or random word? It might have been something you desperately tried to forget, but it was able to seep through the protective wall you created as if it was made of cheesecloth. I knew I would have one of those experiences at the rededication of the Zen Hospice Project’s Guest House in San Francisco, the site seven years ago of my initial hospice training and service as a bedside volunteer. I entered the beautiful refurbished Victorian and roamed through the rooms […]

Dating Again Brings Up Feelings of Love and Loss

Posted on May 20, 2010 - by Lisa Peacock

Recently, I started dating. This major event in my life has brought up questions about my mother and father. What would they think of this man? Would my father be protective? Would my mother tell me stories of her dating experience? All of these questions bring pain and despair. I am encompassed by the reality that they are gone. When I feel this way, I bring out pictures and videos. I sit watching and listening, trying to make them as real as possible. But what happens when you dig too deep? When you try too hard to make them real […]

Poem: The Silver Tears

Posted on May 19, 2010 - by Louise Lagerman

The Silver Tears And so it begins Silver tears falling like soft rain Cascading downward on its sad journey Arriving at my empty soul and shattered heart The silver tears come because we are apart I try to see the beauty in things I yearn to be near the warm sun I listen for laughter and splendor but the silver tears just bide their time for they know that behind every smile every warm embrace The reality of you being gone will let the silver tears escape and so it begins — by Louise Lagerman

The Power of Remembering: Grandfather’s Pipe

Posted on May 18, 2010 - by Marty Tousley

A person who is gone can live on in memory as an active agent in one’s life, not just as someone you love and miss, not just as a nostalgic sadness. — Elizabeth Harper Neeld, in Seven Choices: Finding Daylight after Loss Shatters Your World The following piece was written by my younger son, Benjamin Ralph Tousley, as an entry in his journal. He sent it to me yesterday and, with his permission, I’m sharing it here as one example of the power of remembering. As Ben’s story demonstrates, death may end a life, but it does not end our […]

Helping Those in Pain Requires Acceptance, Compassion

Posted on May 17, 2010 - by Stan Goldberg

A client who was dying once said to me, “Every day, I feel as if I’m on one of those exercise boards that rest on a ball. Just when I steady the damn thing, it starts moving and I’m struggling again to balance myself. Why don’t people realize that’s what my life has become?” I’ve heard similar descriptions for thirty years from clients and patients living with chronic and terminal illnesses. Many believed that not only did they have to deal with the effects of their illness, but also the unskillful acts of friends and loved ones who didn’t understand […]

Bereaved Father Discovers He’s Not Alone

Posted on May 14, 2010 - by Patrick T. Malone

A few weeks after my son, Lance, was killed, my wife Kathy, received some information about the Compassionate Friends; she wanted to go to a meeting. She told me it was a support group for bereaved parents. My reaction was I didn’t need a support group. All my life, I was the one person that people turned to in crisis. I was the cool head under fire. I was the fixer. I surely didn’t need a support group, but Kathy was in no shape to drive herself so I went with her. I went into this sharing group and when […]