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When to Tell – and Not Tell – Your Grief Story

Posted on January 19, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Last month, my husband and I went to a holiday party. We enjoyed the food, piano music, and visiting with friends. As we prepared to leave, a friend asked what I was doing these days. When I told her we were raising our twin grandchildren because their parents had died in separate car crashes, her jaw dropped. “That’s unbelievable,” she said. Another person overheard our conversation and was obviously uncomfortable with my honesty. This is not the first time this has happened. Years ago, I had a similar experience. I answered a question honestly and a guest commented, “Please don’t […]

Grandmother Shares Story of Double Loss

Posted on January 18, 2010 - by Sherry Van Pelt

January 25th will be my third grandchild’s birthday. There won’t be any cake or ice cream or a party. She isn’t here with us. Instead we will put balloons on her gravesite. She would have been 14. Her name was Jacy Kay. She had my middle name. We would have had another teenager in the family. When I hear of people complaining of their teenager, I keep thinking of how I would have loved to have had the opportunity of getting to know her as one. But she was taken from us before she even had the chance to live. It was […]

Speaking of Grief: Tips for Listening to Others’ Grief

Posted on January 16, 2010 - by Jenna Baddeley

This is the last in a 3-part series about how to talk about grief, and how to listen to others who are grieving. The following is advice for those who are willing to try to listen to and support others who are grieving. 1. Be there for the person. One of my favorite quotations is, “life is mostly froth and bubbles, two things stand like stone, kindness in another’s trouble, courage in your own1.” If you have ever undergone a personal crisis, you know that your friends’ and loved ones’ support and understanding can be a light in the darkness of […]

Speaking of Grief: Tips for Talking About Your Grief

Posted on January 15, 2010 - by Jenna Baddeley

This is the second in a 3-part series about how to speak about one’s grief. Listeners are alert to cues that you aren’t going to be a huge burden to them. Here’s how you can send them the message that you aren’t going to burden them excessively in a number of ways, while still sharing your story. 1. Don’t rehash the same negative story again and again. Research evidence is clear that rumination – going over the same sad feelings and thoughts again and again in an attempt to analyze and understand them – makes people feel worse. Going over […]

Speaking of Grief: Can We Really Be Honest?

Posted on January 14, 2010 - by Jenna Baddeley

This is the first in a 3-part series about how grievers speak about their losses. Mourning traditions around the world, from Hindu traditions to Jewish and Christian traditions, provide structured time for mourners to lament their losses in the presence of supportive friends and family. In all cultures, too, there is a statute of limitations on the expression of grief. Weeks or months after a loss, grievers are expected to have rejoined ordinary life. Listeners are less willing to hear about a griever’s pain. One of the most difficult things for those grievers who remain in raw pain is how […]

Dr. Heidi Horsley and Cathy Babao Guballa: Migi’s Corner

Posted on January 12, 2010 - by admin

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTXg3TSj6X8[/youtube]

Anticipatory Grief Can Help You Find Your True Self

Posted on January 12, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

I taught school for a dozen years and loved every one of them. But the day came when I realized I had done everything I could with my job and had no more to give. To keep myself creative, I started writing articles for educational magazines and several were published. The idea of becoming a writer intrigued me, so I gave the school several months notice and quit my job to pursue this new career. Quitting teaching was a hard decision — a grieving decision — and every time I drove past the school, tears welled up in my eyes. […]

How Couples Grieve Differently After a Child-Loss

Posted on January 11, 2010 - by Sandy Fox

A friend of mine told me recently that she is moving on with her life after her only son died 2 1/2 years ago. Her voice sounded upbeat. Her spirits were soaring. Only good things are happening now, and she is enjoying what she has to look forward to: grandchildren growing up, graduating, marrying, a good relationship with her daughter-in-law who just remarried. “Now,” she says, “I want to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.” When this first happened, I could not convince her she would survive the loss. She told me that […]

Taking a Rest on the Journey through Grief

Posted on January 10, 2010 - by John French

Grief is an incredibly difficult venture, a monumental climb from the pit of despair. It is an absolutely exhausting venture that drains you physically and weighs heavy on your mind. As I look back on the months following my son’s death, I’ve come to realize that I haven’t moved at all. Even though others may perceive me to be progressing, my movement is lateral at best. As the span of time increases, it becomes more and more difficult to lift myself up. The days slip by, but the moments never escape me. The more I struggle to hold on, the […]

Is Divorce Worthy of Grief?

Posted on January 9, 2010 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: I recently tried to join a grief group. When the leader found out that my wife had not died, she told me that the others in the group would not feel that my grief was as deep as theirs. She suggested that I look for a divorce-recovery group. I wish I was certain that recovery will eventually happen. It has been over 17 years since I lost my wife. Isn’t it pretty clear by now that I will not ever recover? Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC, responds: I’m so sorry to learn that you were […]