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The Unlikely Caregiver: Black Sheep of the Family

Posted on October 25, 2009 - by Carol O'Dell

Life is funny. Sometimes the most rebellious of us, the teen gone bad, the unwed mother of three, the Harley brother in leather and bandanas and lots of tattoos becomes the best caregiver, the most thoughtful son–or daughter. Why? Sometimes those who travel counter to society have the most tender souls. Sometimes the battle with their personal demons have made them even more thoughtful, more real and more alive. They may wrap the package in a prickly covering, but that doesn’t mean there’s not a teddy bear underneath. Our lives are like boomerangs. For some of us, we fling ourselves as […]

How the Phases of Grief Worked for Bereaved Mom

Posted on October 24, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

In the first few years of your grief journey after the loss of a child, you will experience so many different emotions, all of which are normal and not “weird” as some people may say to you. There are five phases of grief (some experts use different names for each phase, but in the end they are all the same). As I write about each, I’ll tell you how I personally fit into each one. Keep in mind that once you leave one phase and move on to another, it does not mean you will not return to that phase […]

An Ongoing Journey

Posted on October 23, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

My mother and father’s pictures are everywhere in my home. Every morning when I awake – I see them and say “Good morning.” Throughout the day I talk with my mother and father. I share with them my tears that I still have for them, because I miss them so very much. I share with them the joyful moments of my day and yes, the angry ones. I know, with all my heart my parents would not want me to grieve for them. I can hear my father this very moment saying to me “quit making a big deal of […]

Moving to the Middle of the Bed

Posted on October 23, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

Last night, I slept in the middle of our king-size bed. It took me two years to do that. For 55 years, I shared that bed with my husband. He never walked on water. Sometimes we broke that cardinal rule and went to sleep angry. But far more often, we embraced that bed, and each other, with tremendous joy, grateful we found mates that showed love, kindness, consideration, and selflessness on an almost daily basis. How unusual is that? So often people reach out their hand when they hear I’m a widow and say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” […]

First Halloween

Posted on October 22, 2009 - by Monica Novak

By Beth Seyda – I usually love Halloween, seeing all the little kids in their cute costumes struggling to hold up their trick or treat bags and trying to say “trick or treat”. But that first Halloween was only a couple of weeks after our infant son, Dylan, had died and I knew I could not be at home to give out treats this year. I felt bad about it, but I knew that I would be in no shape to see so many kids. So my husband, Mark, and I decided to see an early movie and have dinner. […]

God Will Answer My Prayers

Posted on October 21, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

In 1968 my brother, Danny who was 19 years old was killed in Vietnam. At the time, I was 15 years old. His helicopter was shot down and according to eye witnesses exploded in mid-air and then landed on the banks of a river. Because of heavy, enemy ground fire his body was never recovered. To date, he is listed as MIA (Missing in Action). After the loss of my brother several searches were conducted over the years, but no body was recovered. My mother and father lived the remainder of their years grieving deeply, but never gave up hope […]

Open to Hope Writer Publishes New Edition of ‘Special Dream’

Posted on October 21, 2009 - by Luellen Hoffman

The passing of a loved one can mark a difficult crossroads. Those of us left behind often feel confused, fearful, sad, and even incomplete. In the midst of this grief, some experience dreams where a loved one appears to us, correctly predicting their own death, urging us to carry a message to a relative or simply offering us healing and the chance to say goodbye. Now comes a new edition of Open to Hope writer Luellen Hoffman’s book, Special Dream: Personal Accounts After the Death of a Loved One (Crossroad, an imprint of The Crossroad Publishing Company, September 2009). It’s […]

Ghosts of Memory: Integrating Our Loss Through Remembering

Posted on October 21, 2009 - by David Roberts

I recently read a book called: Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road, by Neil Peart. Peart is the lyricist and world renowned drummer for the Canadian rock band, Rush. His daughter Selena, age 19, died on August 10, 1997, as a result of a car accident and his common-law wife, Jackie died on June 20, 1998, of cancer. Peart became a bereaved parent and a young widower in the space of ten months. One year after the death of his daughter, he embarked on a 55,000-mile, fourteen-month journey on his motorcycle across Canada, the United States and Mexico. He […]

What Does it Mean to ‘Get on with Life’

Posted on October 20, 2009 - by Alice Wisler

Of all the statements and spiritual platitudes quoted to me since my son, Daniel, died, the phrase that I hear most frequently makes me squirm the most. “You have got to get on with your life.” Recently, I quit squirming long enough to ponder the meaning behind this phrase that is usually said to the bereaved in the form of a command. Exactly what does this phrase mean? What are people implying when they say it? I was pregnant when Daniel died and three months later, I gave birth to a baby girl. Wasn’t that getting on with my life? […]

The Birth of Purpose: Foundation Emerges from Stillbirth

Posted on October 20, 2009 - by Nicole Alston

A mother’s viewpoint of grief: deep and profound Nicole Alston recalls: April 29, 2005, was our due date, and like any typical first-time parents responding to the initial signs of labor, my husband Paul and I dashed to the hospital full of hope and promise. After years of unexplained infertility and a miscarriage in 2003, we had rehearsed this long-awaited occasion countless times. However, there was no dress rehearsal for what happened next. Only minutes after being admitted and taken to a labor and delivery room, our lives took an unexpected and painful turn. With a quick glance at the monitor, […]