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When Will I Feel Better?

Posted on October 14, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox Why don’t I feel better? It’s been a year…two years…three years since I lost my child. I hear this a lot. Don’t be impatient. The fact that you want to feel better and move on with your life after the loss of a child is a good sign. What you don’t realize is that it may take a very long time. Each of us reacts differently. Each of us heals differently. There is no set time that you should be well and functioning again. Your mind will do a lot of the work for you. And your […]

Spirals of Hope: We Can Help Each Other

Posted on October 13, 2009 - by Megan Prescott

I just finished my weekly phone chat with my friend Nancy. Last year, Nancy’s mother, father, and brother all passed away within 6 weeks of one other, each from different illnesses. Her brother Brian was my dear friend and, after his passing, I kept in close contact with her. Since then, we have become very connected, like sisters. Our biggest and most intense bond is that in the twenty years before Nancy lost her family, I had already lost mine. Nancy and I are similar in several ways no one wants to be: both our parents have died, we endured losing […]

Talking About Grief

Posted on October 11, 2009 - by admin

by Harriet Hodgson Talking about grief is necessary for grief reconciliation. If we don’t talk about our grief we bottle it up inside and that is not good. Grief experts tell their clients to write and talk about grief. Indeed, letting grief out and speaking about it can be a goal. Bob Deits, author of “Life After Loss,” thinks we should tell one or two people about our grief each day. “Tell anyone who will listen to you about your loss,” he advises. He thinks we should tell as many people as we can and not be hesitant about giving […]

Anger a Normal Step in the Grief Process

Posted on October 9, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

At a recent dinner party, one of my newly-widowed friends complained that another guest wasn’t being nice to her. “He isn’t talking to me. He isn’t asking how I feel now that I lost my husband,” she said. “It makes me mad that he acts as though nothing happened.” Similarly, another newly-widowed friend complained that one group of women she had been close to stopped calling after her husband’s funeral. “It’s been six months and not one of them picked up the phone to call me lately. I’m so angry at them,” she said. “Obviously they don’t even care about how I feel now.” I told both women not […]

Facing the Early Days of Grief

Posted on October 9, 2009 - by John French

It’s overwhelming to face a tragedy that you never saw coming. Grief rises up suddenly from the meadows of life like an insurmountable peak. The base is vast and panoramic. You can see nothing beyond the moment and the ascent seems impossible. Even though we are stranded in a woeful valley, it’s apparent that nothing prosperous blooms once the season has passed. There is no reason to linger in a fruitless depression, especially when those who have already crossed over are urging us on. If we simply relent without any effort to lift our selves up, then there is no […]

From Pain to Ache to ‘New Me’: Healing From the Loss of a Child

Posted on October 8, 2009 - by Coralease Ruff

Never in my wildest nightmare could I have imagined that my child, my only daughter, would die. Nor could I imagine living through it. The unthinkable did happen! My 21-year daughter was killed in a car accident in which some construction equipment ran into her car. This tragedy occurred in the Dominican Republic where my daughter had gone to serve as a missionary. How I survived is still a mystery. However, I am here to tell you about it and about the cues that indicated I was getting better. When I first told my story at a local Compassionate Friends […]

Can We Ever ‘Accept’ Death of Loved One?

Posted on October 8, 2009 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: This just isn’t something I can live with. I want to see my dad more than anything in the world. I can’t even go near the words “closure” or “accept.” My friend, who never lost anyone, even a pet, in her life, told me in a matter-of-fact, cheery voice, “You gotta get over it, right? Pick yourself up. Go out and live life. Your dad would have wanted you to be out there, I bet.” I almost hung up on her. I know she meant well, but I was so upset by that. My own reaction […]

What is the Answer When Anger Dominates Our Grief Process?

Posted on October 7, 2009 - by David Daniels

Question from DV: My daughter died in a car accident on May 23,2009. My other daughter and I have our daily moments of crying, shouting, screaming, etc. And we can talk to others or to each other about her sister/my daughter. My husband, on the other hand, is not doing so well. He doesn’t really talk to anyone, he is so mad at everyone, primarily God. He expresses anger most of the time and seems to be getting meaner. I’m trying to give him his space as he grieves a little differently, but I am not sure if I need […]

How to Release Regret

Posted on October 7, 2009 - by Irene Kendig

I was talking with a man recently who’d been caring for his dying father. “I left him to take care of some personal business,” he said. “I knew I shouldn’t have gone because something inside told me not to go. But I didn’t listen. My father died while I was gone.” Regret. The word originates from Old French, regreter, ‘bewail (the dead),’ feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, esp. a loss or missed opportunity. “If only I’d been a better sister, brother, wife, husband, mother, father, daughter, son, or friend. . .” “If […]

A Look At Anger

Posted on October 7, 2009 - by admin

by Mary Zemites Anger. Such an uncomfortable subject for most of us to face and discuss. Anger is viewed as a negative emotion and most of us don’t like to pull it out and publicly examine it. It is important to understand that the emotion of anger is not negative or “bad.” In fact, it is a useful signal that there is a problem aching to be resolved. Only the actions that come from anger are sometimes negative or “bad.” When someone we love dies, we experience an intense, yet unfocused, emotional energy. The whole experience of loss is somewhat […]