Open to Hope Articles

Articles Home

Anger a Normal Step in the Grief Process

Posted on October 9, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

At a recent dinner party, one of my newly-widowed friends complained that another guest wasn’t being nice to her. “He isn’t talking to me. He isn’t asking how I feel now that I lost my husband,” she said. “It makes me mad that he acts as though nothing happened.” Similarly, another newly-widowed friend complained that one group of women she had been close to stopped calling after her husband’s funeral. “It’s been six months and not one of them picked up the phone to call me lately. I’m so angry at them,” she said. “Obviously they don’t even care about how I feel now.” I told both women not […]

Facing the Early Days of Grief

Posted on October 9, 2009 - by John French

It’s overwhelming to face a tragedy that you never saw coming. Grief rises up suddenly from the meadows of life like an insurmountable peak. The base is vast and panoramic. You can see nothing beyond the moment and the ascent seems impossible. Even though we are stranded in a woeful valley, it’s apparent that nothing prosperous blooms once the season has passed. There is no reason to linger in a fruitless depression, especially when those who have already crossed over are urging us on. If we simply relent without any effort to lift our selves up, then there is no […]

From Pain to Ache to ‘New Me’: Healing From the Loss of a Child

Posted on October 8, 2009 - by Coralease Ruff

Never in my wildest nightmare could I have imagined that my child, my only daughter, would die. Nor could I imagine living through it. The unthinkable did happen! My 21-year daughter was killed in a car accident in which some construction equipment ran into her car. This tragedy occurred in the Dominican Republic where my daughter had gone to serve as a missionary. How I survived is still a mystery. However, I am here to tell you about it and about the cues that indicated I was getting better. When I first told my story at a local Compassionate Friends […]

Can We Ever ‘Accept’ Death of Loved One?

Posted on October 8, 2009 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: This just isn’t something I can live with. I want to see my dad more than anything in the world. I can’t even go near the words “closure” or “accept.” My friend, who never lost anyone, even a pet, in her life, told me in a matter-of-fact, cheery voice, “You gotta get over it, right? Pick yourself up. Go out and live life. Your dad would have wanted you to be out there, I bet.” I almost hung up on her. I know she meant well, but I was so upset by that. My own reaction […]

What is the Answer When Anger Dominates Our Grief Process?

Posted on October 7, 2009 - by David Daniels

Question from DV: My daughter died in a car accident on May 23,2009. My other daughter and I have our daily moments of crying, shouting, screaming, etc. And we can talk to others or to each other about her sister/my daughter. My husband, on the other hand, is not doing so well. He doesn’t really talk to anyone, he is so mad at everyone, primarily God. He expresses anger most of the time and seems to be getting meaner. I’m trying to give him his space as he grieves a little differently, but I am not sure if I need […]

How to Release Regret

Posted on October 7, 2009 - by Irene Kendig

I was talking with a man recently who’d been caring for his dying father. “I left him to take care of some personal business,” he said. “I knew I shouldn’t have gone because something inside told me not to go. But I didn’t listen. My father died while I was gone.” Regret. The word originates from Old French, regreter, ‘bewail (the dead),’ feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, esp. a loss or missed opportunity. “If only I’d been a better sister, brother, wife, husband, mother, father, daughter, son, or friend. . .” “If […]

A Look At Anger

Posted on October 7, 2009 - by admin

by Mary Zemites Anger. Such an uncomfortable subject for most of us to face and discuss. Anger is viewed as a negative emotion and most of us don’t like to pull it out and publicly examine it. It is important to understand that the emotion of anger is not negative or “bad.” In fact, it is a useful signal that there is a problem aching to be resolved. Only the actions that come from anger are sometimes negative or “bad.” When someone we love dies, we experience an intense, yet unfocused, emotional energy. The whole experience of loss is somewhat […]

How Do I Handle In-Laws After Death of Husband

Posted on October 7, 2009 - by Gloria Horsley

Adrianne writes in: Do you have any audios in your archive that deals with how to handle your in-laws after your husband dies? My husband died 2 years ago from cancer. Prior to his passing, his siblings became angry with him because he set limitations on visits during his battle due to his chemo. They felt they should come and visit with him as much as they wanted. But it wasn’t what my husband wanted. So due to the anger of that situation other things were brought to the surface. By the time my husband was hospitalized he was finished […]

Poem: God’s Greatest Work of Art

Posted on October 7, 2009 - by Mitch Carmody

If a picture is worth a thousand words And nothing worthwhile is ever lost Then what is the value of memories For those who paid the highest cost? When a parent loses a child Words become a useless tool There is nothing to be said to undo the hurt And feeble attempts are only cruel. A hug heart to heart in warm embrace Surpasses any useless phrase Shared tears and shared memories More healing than funeral sprays. A photograph is a moment in time And sometimes it can capture our soul A place we can find solace in memories To […]

Is There Life After Death?

Posted on October 7, 2009 - by Alex James

When someone we love dies, it leaves us with the unanswered question: “ Where are they?” There is a huge gaping void that they once filled. Where is my mother — her laugh, the unusual and inventive chef who filled the house with wonderful cooking aromas, the comedian who even in illness found humour? Where is she? Where is my father — the larger than life philosopher, the booming voice — and my brother — the jokes and wild stories the gentle listening ear. I used to call him my oracle – he seemed so wise beyond his years. Can they be gone really gone? […]