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Parental Grief in the Wake of Homicide

Posted on September 2, 2009 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: I’m writing this letter in hopes of finding some peace. It will be three years next month that my son was murdered. He was only 18. His mother and I were divorced when he was very young. At that time it was heart- breaking, knowing I would only see my son every other weekend. The years went by ever so quickly. Then he reached the tender teenage years and it seemed I lost control. My son was changing for the worst and there was nothing I could do to stop it. His mother and I had […]

Film Review: “Ghosted”

Posted on September 2, 2009 - by Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn

All I needed to hear about the movie, “Ghosted,” was that it explored the aftermath of grief and loss and, of course, I was interested. Having lost my brother when I was 14, I have had a life-long interest in these topics. “Ghosted” is the story of Sophie Schmitt, a Hamburg-based video artist, and her lover, Aing-Lee, a young woman from Taiwan. They meet when Aing-Li travels to Germany to visit an uncle, work in his restaurant, and uncover a secret about her birth. We learn all of this in flashback. The movie actually begins the tale after Aing-Lee’s death. We don’t […]

Husband’s Cancer Reminds Wife of Previous Losses

Posted on September 1, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

Today, I find myself crying at the drop of a hat. The tears are back, and they remind me of the tears I cried in my parents’ backyard when I realized my mom and dad were no longer there for me. They were no longer the mom and dad I knew. They were no longer the mom and dad who gave me advice. I lost my parents to Alzheimer’s, one of the cruelest of diseases. Today, those tears keep flowing and although I try my best to control them, they flow like a river. That’s because my husband, as I once […]

Emotions of a Diagnosis

Posted on September 1, 2009 - by admin

by Lisa Buell We sat in a room that no parent wanted to be in. The lighting was low; the walls were painted a soft mauve color, a weak attempt to calm our nerves. The gesture felt irritating, as if the color of the room could magically erase the image of our five- and- a -half month old baby girl lying on a table before us, a catheter in her urethra, a needle in her arm, and my breast in her mouth to soothe her through the harvesting of fluid and tissue. Afterwards, she slept in the arms of her […]

Creating a ‘Grief Friendly’ Workplace

Posted on September 1, 2009 - by Jane Galbraith

For many of us, our workmates are like our second family. So it’s crucial that when someone at work suffers a loss, this “second family” is there to help. After my mother died, I don’t think that I was a very good employee. I felt like I couldn’t show my grief at work, that I should act like my “normal” self. That in itself was exhausting. People in the workplace were sympathetic for a short time and then, like the rest of society, they tended to “move on.” In the meantime, I could barely make it through my daily work responsibilities. How could I not make […]

Caretakers: Dealing With Our Own Needs

Posted on August 31, 2009 - by Stan Goldberg

I’ve been a bedside volunteer for more than five years, sitting with dying patients and their families once or twice a week for up to four continuous hours. Sometimes I stay with patients overnight. Regardless of how demanding my responsibilities are, I know that when I leave the bedside, I’ll have to take three to six days to “recover.” It’s a time to prepare myself for the next week’s bedside activities that can range from conversing about life to witnessing a friend’s active dying. My downtime –something that allows me to recharge my batteries — is a luxury many caregivers […]

Heal Through Contact With ‘Inner Voice’

Posted on August 30, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

I have talked with many people about grief. Several years ago, I interviewed a young widow about the anticipatory grief she felt during her husband’s terminal illness. Her story was compelling. As death drew closer, the couple drew closer. “We went to a special place,” she said. “I can’t explain it.” Thanks to life experience, grief research, and my writing career, I understood her description. But I did not understand it fully until four of my loved ones died within nine months. The pain of these losses was searing. Listening to my inner voice, or soul, helped me to cope. […]

What a Hospice End-of-Life Consultation Meant To Us

Posted on August 29, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

When my husband was in the last stage of Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, with no hope for a cure, we settled him in our den, next to the TV where he could watch his beloved Cubbies play ball, in the company of his loved ones and devoted Black Lab. During those final weeks, as he became weaker and weaker, we faced each day as a gift and marveled at the sunshine, fall flowers, changing leaves and the contentment we knew as a happy family. We kept up the illusion that we still had more time. Then one day the nurse who had […]

Handling Guilt Reactions

Posted on August 29, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox It is the two year anniversary of my friend’s daughter’s death. Whether she died from an overdose of drugs by accident or on purpose will never be known. What is known is that she did abuse drugs. Her entire life her mom tried to help her only child in any way she could. The end result: as hard as she may have tried, she couldn’t save her. She now lives with the guilt that only a mother can have, a guilt quite undeserved. Her story reminds me of two stories in my book showing two very different guilt […]

Film Review: Departures

Posted on August 28, 2009 - by Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn

“Departures” is the story of Daigo Kobayashi, a passionate cellist with a dream job in an orchestra, who finds himself abruptly out of job — and in huge debt for a very pricey cello — when the orchestra dissolves. What do you do when your dream has fizzled and you’ve got to re-group? You go home, and you look for another job. Daigo and his apparently unflappable wife, Miko, head to Hirano, in northeastern Japan, where Daigo grew up. Daigo has inherited the house he grew up in from his mother, who died while he was abroad some years earlier. […]