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Helping a Child After a Loss

Posted on August 6, 2009 - by Monica Novak

By Cathy R. Blanford, M.Ed. – Begin by taking care of yourself. If you do not have someone to be there for you, you may have difficulty being there for a child who needs you. Include children in what is happening. Give them information in language that they can understand. Encourage them to be a part of things by visiting at the hospital, attending a wake, taking part in a funeral or memorial service. Help children understand what has happened. Be willing to tell them the story again and again and to answer all of their questions. If you are […]

Poem: Dedication

Posted on August 6, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

YOU ARE IN EVERY SUNRISE My child You are gone from me physically But I see your face. You are in every sunrise In every new bloom In every new season. I can hear your voice I can hear your laughter I remember it all so well. It warms my heart To think of you always With wonderful memories. My journey has been long and uncharted I am amazed at where I am in this journey… A new life, a new joy, a new love But what I wouldn’t give to have you back with me. I know in my […]

Floating Downstream

Posted on August 4, 2009 - by Monica Novak

By Monica Novak – When I began writing this weekly column, A Mother’s Thoughts, my intention was to post something new once a week. Shouldn’t be too difficult, doesn’t have to be long and drawn-out. I’ll just add it to the list of things to do floating in my head. But life has a way of dictating my agenda and some weeks, like this one, get away from me. Suddenly my self-imposed deadline has slipped by…one, two, three, four, five days. And when this happens, I feel a slight pang of guilt that I’m not doing enough. And then I […]

Divorce Rate Among Bereaved

Posted on August 4, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox There is much controversy about the divorce rate following the death of a child. Some say that a great majority of couples divorce as their marriage falls apart after the death of their child. Others say it makes their relationship stronger. Still others say it was completely different problems that caused the divorce. What is the answer? Like many myths, the high divorce rate one has snowballed way out of proportion. Harriet Schiff in 1977 (The Bereaved Parent) said that as high as 90 percent of all bereaved couples are in serious marital difficulty within months after the death of their child. […]

Another birthday…

Posted on August 2, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

My birthday was yesterday and I love my birthday. I think it is the one day of the year where you should be able to celebrate the way you want to and call your own shots all day with no questions or suggestions from anybody. It is a day to celebrate life, to be thankful that you have again arrived in a place where you get to start a whole new adventure in your life. My birthday, like almost all of my birthdays past, was absolutely wonderful. I started off with breakfast being made for me by my mom and […]

Growing After Mistakes

Posted on August 1, 2009 - by admin

by Lou LaGrand Everyone makes mistakes or fails in their attempts to grow and meet the challenges of daily life. Without these miscues little would be learned and growth as a person would be limited. In short, failure is a key ingredient for success and should be looked at as a resource for moving forward, not a behavior to be despised. There is one exception to the above observation: when someone makes a mistake, refuses to learn from it, and keeps repeating the same error expecting positive change to occur. This easily happens in the emotional turmoil of mourning the […]

Music for Grieving

Posted on August 1, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

By Harriet Hodgson — After my daughter died in February of 2007 my husband and I looked for ways to remember her. We did the usual things — had a memorial service, told stories, and gave money to the church. But we wanted to do more. How could we keep our daughter’s spirit alive? The choir was designated as the recipient of our church donation. I had been a choir member for more than 20 years and thought the money would be used for sheet music. The Co-Director of Music had a better idea — a commissioned song in her […]

First Anniversary…

Posted on August 1, 2009 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

As you approach the first anniversary of losing the amazing person that shared your life, your love, your joys, and your sorrows; I have a vision I would liketo share with you…I am imagining you wearing a heavily laden backpack. This pack is filled with the searing pain of separation, the desperate fear of the unknown, the intense longing for the touch of someone who loves you, the emerging hope you have for the future, and a new love for today. You are surrounded by the beauty of the Arizona countryside, heading up the North sideof the Grand Canyon. The […]

The Grieving Father

Posted on July 29, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox Fathers grieve differently with different emotions in the loss of a child. I believe this to be true. Here is some of the information that has been gathered on men losing a child. According to research, bereaved fathers put their grief into a compartment separate from the rest of their lives. Because they feel they need to protect their families, they submerge their own grief. And they dislike being overcome by intense emotion and feel that talking about the emotion only makes it worse. They deal with grief by thinking about something else, by doing something else […]

The Emotional Impact of Stillbirth in a Multiple Pregnancy

Posted on July 28, 2009 - by Monica Novak

By Jean Kollantai – The experience of carrying two, loving two, getting ready to totally care for two lively babies at once was something I never could have imagined until it happened to me…and so was the emotional impact of the stillbirth of a twin or twins. After a good pregnancy, carefully monitored with all the latest technology, and many months of not only feeling but watching my sons demonstrate their total enthusiasm for food, each other, me, and being “alive” in general, I found myself back in a hospital bed after a c-section, holding one baby in each arm–both […]