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‘Grief is an Illness’ and Other Myths Surrounding Loss

Posted on June 24, 2009 - by Monica Novak

By David Daniels, M.D. – Destructive myths abound concerning the loss and grief process. First, contrary to some views, there is no one “right” way to die or grieve; our personality type makes a difference. Some of us go in peace and some screaming. Many people don’t go through all the steps in the dying process outlined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (On Death and Dying) or in the order she states. She lists in order: shock; denial; anger; bargaining; depression; and acceptance/resignation. By bargaining, she means asking for a favor or another chance, often based on the promise of good behavior. […]

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Growing Together

Posted on June 24, 2009 - by Monica Novak

By Chuck and Cathi Lammert – Over the many years of working with bereaved parents, my husband, Chuck and I have had many questions asked of us about coping and growing together as a couple after the loss of one’s baby(ies). Interestingly, when we were running support groups, many women in the group would line up to ask Chuck more questions about their partner’s issues than their own dealings with the loss. It is common in relationships to have a need to understand and attempt to fix the other person. One of the biggest worries after the death of a […]

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Cat is Missing 54 Days and Counting

Posted on June 24, 2009 - by Richard Beck

Betty writes in: There is so little information to be found on how to deal with the loss of a pet…not death…worse, their being lost and not knowing where they are or if they are scared or hurt or dead. It is true that if you just knew what happened to them, the healling could begin. For me, it has been 54 days since my cat was lost. We moved to the country in a heavily wooded area and I have imagined all sorts of things that may have happened. I also imagine he will just walk out of the […]

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Symptoms of Bereavement Stress

Posted on June 24, 2009 - by admin

by Margo Bastos Bereavement and loss will come to all of us at some time in our lives. Many people are losing jobs, homes and other securities in today’s world. It really helps us to cope with bereavement if we are able to recognise the feelings as being normal in the circumstances. 9 Symptoms of Bereavement Stress Lack of Sleep or Interrupted Sleep You lie awake for hours and are not able to fall asleep OR you wake up regularly during the night. Maybe you wake up in the early hours of the morning and are not able to go […]

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Baby Hoax Stemmed From Real-Life Grief and Loss

Posted on June 24, 2009 - by Monica Novak

By Monica Novak — As I walked into the house on a Friday morning, my husband, Al, handed me the front page of the Chicago Tribune.  “I think you should read this,” he said. The headline story read, “Blogger’s baby a hoax.” An unmarried Chicago suburban woman named Beccah, also known as “April’s mom”, had been blogging for two months about her pregnancy with a terminally ill baby, gaining support from thousands of people nationwide who encouraged her to continue the pregnancy. By the time Beccah claimed to have given birth at home to a girl named April Rose who […]

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The Race

Posted on June 23, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

As everyone knows by now, Father’s Day is the toughest day of the year for me.   It is a constant reminder of how you really are different from someone else.   Ever since my Dad died, my new tradition has been to run in the local Father’s Day 5k in my hometown which some of the proceeds are donated to the local YMCA.   It is a great event and I did it by myself in 2006.   In 2007 my mom and my sister came to cheer me on.   In 2008 my brother-in -law, sister and friend […]

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Loss During Young Adulthood May Make One Feel Old

Posted on June 23, 2009 - by Beryl Kaminsky

By Beryl Kaminsky — The young adult years — ranging from late teens to early thirties — span a period of life when most people are self-centered.  Life is all about gaining independence, finding oneself, having a good time or starting relationships.  Death is the farthest thing from a young person’s mind. As a result, when young adults lose a loved one, they often suddenly feel “old” and out of sync with peers who have not experienced significant losses. The depths of grief create feelings of aloneness and isolation, and “having fun” seems empty. Friends may want to help but, […]

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Why Does Alzheimer’s Effect People Differently?

Posted on June 22, 2009 - by Carol O'Dell

Alzheimer’s does different things to different people. I’ve heard some people say their spouse or parent got sweeter. “Not my mother,” I say in return, laughing (and almost crying at the same time) at some of the antics my mother and I lived through. My mother had Parkinson’s and later, developed Alzheimer’s. Double whammy. Writing about our daily escapades in Mothering Mother helped me deal with the stress. Some people with Alzheimer’s are docile, too docile. They stop talking, and pretty much stop moving. And honestly, as hurtful and difficult as it is to have a feisty Alzheimer’s loved one, my […]

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When Does Healing Begin? Watching For the Signs

Posted on June 22, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

By Harriet Hodgson — When you are in the throes of grief, you think you will never be happy again. Your world is a narrow, dark tunnel. You do not see any light, yet glimmers exist, and they are signs of healing. Watch for these signs, for they give you the courage to move forward with life. Healing begins when you feel a real smile. I did not smile after four loved ones died in the span of nine months. In fact, I forgot what a smile felt like. Then one day, I smiled a tentative smile, and it felt […]

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Telling a Child About Two Deaths in One Day

Posted on June 22, 2009 - by Pamela Gabbay

By Pamela Gabbay, M.A., FT — My mind was simultaneously racing around in circles and dull as a knife. She’s only four… four. I could not fathom how I was going to tell my four-year-old daughter that her beloved grandmother, my mom, had just died. Her grandmother, who called her “my little Meg,” and lovingly sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow to her;” her grandmother who swam with her and played hide and seek for hours. Four-year-olds don’t understand death. I don’t understand death. My mom was just 51. She had only been diagnosed with cancer two weeks ago and now […]

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