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Death of a Child: ‘Unfinished Motherhood’

Posted on May 15, 2009 - by Monica Novak

By Clara Hinton – When child-loss occurs, a mother goes through a difficult time of emotional turmoil and questioning. “Am I still a mother?” “Does my child still have a birthday each year, or does time stand still?” “Can the mother/child relationship continue to grow, or am I now an ‘unfinished mother’?” Losing a child often places a mother on a road that begins a lonelier journey than ever expected-one that can never really be explained. There was a beginning, but with the death of the child, there is no middle and no end. Everything seems so unfinished. Hopes and […]

Listening to Music Soothes, Distracts, Heals

Posted on May 15, 2009 - by Tony Falzano

By Tony Falzano — This is the 2nd in a series of four articles on music and how it acts as a healing agent for those grieving a loss. Last month we discussed the health benefits of listening to music. This month, we’ll look at another way that music helps us move through the grief process. The first time I saw music work, other than as an entertainment vehicle, was my senior year of college. I took a psychology course one semester. The professor had each student commit to be of service to a specific population of the community. Being […]

Talking to the Wall

Posted on May 14, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

Growing up my Dad used to get so frustrated when he would have to repeat things over and over again to me. It is not that I didn’t understand them, it was probably more like I didn’t think it was important enough at the time to remember. Clean your room, don’t fight with your sisters, pick your shoes up from the front of the door were common things I did in which the infamous response from my Dad was, “It feels like I am talking to the wall.” How many times in life with family and friends do […]

Should I Dump the Widower I’m Dating?

Posted on May 13, 2009 - by Abel Keogh

Julie asks: I recently began dating a widower who told me his wife died a year ago. I’ve just learned she actually died 4 months ago. I like this man very much and we enjoy each other’s company. I don’t know details of how long she was ill, but he did say some of his kids (adults now) don’t approve of his dating. Should I stop dating this recent widower for not telling the truth or simply because it’s too soon, or both? Abel Keogh, author of Room for Two, responds: To paraphrase an old saying: If you see one […]

Sharing My Child With the World

Posted on May 13, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox As a bereaved parent, we always want to keep our child’s memory alive and in front of people so they are not forgotten. We constantly think of ways to do this. Here are a few ideas of things I do that you may find interesting. I took a color (or you can use black and white) picture of my daughter to a Penny’s store jewelry department (other stores may do it also), chose a gold oval pendant (I liked the oval best but there are also round, square and heart-shaped ones), and then the store sends it […]

The ‘Weirdness’ of Grief

Posted on May 13, 2009 - by Ken Doka

By Kenneth J. Doka, PhD. — A while ago, someone asked me what was the most common way that bereaved individuals described their experience of grief. I thought for a few moments. It was not, as I reflected, the words one would generally expect – “sad”, “lonely”, or “unhappy.” The word that I think so many people use to describe their experience of grief was the word “weird.” It makes sense. So much of the experience of grief is so strange. We may experience all sorts of reactions – strong, intense emotions that seem to wash over us in waves. […]

Groomin’ and Cryin’: Man Mourns Brother While Watching TV

Posted on May 13, 2009 - by Scott Mastley

By Scott Mastley — My first- and second-grade daughters, Margo and Molly, were surprised to see their daddy blinking back tears while watching a dog grooming show on TV. They were successfully avoiding bedtime by snuggling with me on the couch, so I found a show that we could watch together, and even though I had no interest in the Groomer of the Year, it was age-appropriate for them. Then something happened that instantly and emotionally connected me to the outcome of the show. One of the two finalists mentioned that he had buried his brother six months earlier and […]

So the grass isn’t perfect…

Posted on May 12, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

As spring time approaches, the sun is coming out, the rain clouds visit occassionally and the grass grows and grows. This is a signal in the Midwest that yes, finally we can get rid of the 6 months of winter everyone complains about. A favorite pastime of every kid was that first time they cut the lawn under the watchful eye of Dad. I can remember it like it was yesterday, and I am sure if my Dad was here too, he would remember it in a much different way. I was about 10 and I felt like […]

In Pieta, Michelangelo Captured Pain of the Bereaved

Posted on May 12, 2009 - by admin

By Rev. Charles T. Rubey — The Pieta is on display in St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome. It is one of the more famous pieces of sculpture created by Michelangelo. It depicts Mary holding the crucified body of Jesus. This mother’s heart is broken as she views her child’s broken body. I thought of this piece of art and how appropriate it is as we celebrated Mother’s Day in May. This piece of art symbolizes mothers who are grieving the death of a child, or children grieving the death of a mother or a mother figure. The hearts of people […]

Six Questions To Prepare You For, “How Are You Doing?”

Posted on May 11, 2009 - by Sharon Greenlee

By Sharon Greenlee — It’s been over six months since my husband died and people still ask the question: “How are you doing?” If you’ve lost a loved one, you’re familiar with that phrase. I wonder how you’ve responded? Do you really tell them, or do you offer a polite cliche? I found myself practicing various responses so as to not be caught off guard and either melt into a pile of tears or sound stoic and cold in my efforts to stay together. As a counselor in private practice I have worked with many grieving clients and I have […]