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Washing Diane’s Body: Caring at the Crossing

Posted on March 14, 2009 - by Nancy Manahan & Becky Bohan

By Nancy Manahan, Ph.D., and Becky Bohan. M.A. — In our last Open to Hope posting, the extraordinary final moments of Diane’s death in Nancy’s arms were described. Here, Nancy recounts what happened immediately after Diane died, most importantly, the washing of Diane’s body. This ancient ritual is being reclaimed by many families as an opportunity to honor their loved ones, to grieve, and to perform a final sacred service for them. Diane’s closest friends, Bev and Laura, arrived at the house moments after she died. I was still holding her when they entered the bedroom. They knelt beside the […]

Grief and the Global Economic Challenge

Posted on March 13, 2009 - by Patrick T. Malone

By Patrick Malone — Technically, grief is the intense emotional suffering caused by a loss. If you are among those who have suffered the death of a child, spouse, parent or grandparent, you know an intense level of grief that is almost indescribable. There are many among us today who are dealing with grief due to a different kind of loss — the loss of a job, income or savings — and for them it may be the most intense loss they have experienced. Over the last three decades, we have experienced unprecedented economic growth not only in the United […]

Film Review: Rumors of Angels

Posted on March 12, 2009 - by Mitch Carmody

Reviewed by Mitch Carmody — If I were to recommend a movie to someone who is processing their loss, I would suggest “Rumors of Angels” with Vanessa Redgrave. This movie is based on the book, “Thy Son Liveth: Message From a Soldier to His Mother,” by Grace Duffie Boylan. The story revolves around a young boy who two years prior had lost his mother in a car accident. He was with her in the car and she died in his arms at the scene. His father quickly remarried and they live in a small fishing village in New England. The […]

The Good Grief Club is Born

Posted on March 12, 2009 - by Monica Novak

By Monica Novak I didn’t see it coming. None of us did. How could we? For Heidi, Tracy, Wendy, and me, it came with the words, “There’s no heartbeat.” For Dawn, Beth, and Darlene, the crushing blow was, “There?s nothing more we can do.” Miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death–these were things that happened to other people. Until they happened to us. Except for Beth and Heidi, none of us knew each other before our losses that began in 1994. One by one we were led to a monthly support group for pregnancy and infant loss at a suburban Chicago hospital where […]

Film Review: The Door in the Floor

Posted on March 11, 2009 - by Fran Dorf

Review by Fran Dorf — This 2004 film honestly examines a marriage breaking apart after child-loss. Adapted from the first (and best, in my opinion) part of John Irving’s best-selling novel, A Widow for One Year, the film is set in the affluent beach community of East Hampton, N.Y., and takes place during one critical summer in the lives of famous children’s book author and artist Ted Cole (Jeff Bridges) and his beautiful wife Marion (Kim Basinger). The Cole’s once-sweet marriage has curdled in the aftermath of the tragedy of losing their twin teenage sons in a car accident, and […]

Father Recalls Son’s Suicide on the 10th Anniversary

Posted on March 10, 2009 - by admin

By Dick Loehr — You are reading this because you have lost someone to suicide or perhaps you have had suicidal thoughts yourself. I am writing this to tell you about Keith, what I have learned in these 10 years, and what I do for myself in order to keep surviving. When Keith took his life, he was a working adult, located in a city far from us. We weren’t around Keith very much. He was not in treatment for depression, and we had little understanding of depression or other brain disorders. Keith was a high achiever, well-liked by his […]

Widow Asks: Why Can’t I Cry?

Posted on March 10, 2009 - by Robert Neimeyer

Question from Phyllis: My husband of 54 years passed away one year ago and except for a few tears the night he passed away, I have not been able to shed a tear since. He was 75 years old, and had a number of physical ailments including diabetes and chronic kidney failure. He was living in a nursing home – recovering from the 5th broken bone in less than a year — when he just stopped breathing. I have gone through everything you have to do when you lose a spouse — preparations and funeral, plus the added turmoil of […]

Film Review: The Secret Life of Bees

Posted on March 10, 2009 - by Linda Pountney

By Linda Pountney — Multiple loss themes run concurrently throughout the movie The Secret Life Of Bees, based on Sue Monk Kidd’s novel, directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood. Dakota Fanning plays Lily, a guarded fourteen-year old, grief-stricken over the death of a mother she hardly remembers. A tortured soul, Lily’s father (Paul Bettany) takes his pain out on his daughter. His cruelty contributes to Lily’s imaginary world where her mother exists to nurture her. Lily embarks on a journey to uncover the truth about her mother. Her nanny Rosaleen (Jennifer Hudson) accompanies her on a trip that crosses racial boundaries during […]

11-Year-Old Son Lashes Out After Death Of Dad

Posted on March 10, 2009 - by Neil Chethik

Question from Margaret: My husband of 16 years passed away a little over 6 months ago. He was not ill, so it was shock to me and our two sons, ages 10 and 11. My husband had a temper, but never, ever laid his hands on me. Now, my 11-year-old is pushing me and hitting me, and I do not know what to do. Can you help? Neil Chethik, author of FatherLoss, responds: I’m very sorry to hear about the death of your husband, and about your son’s personality changes following it. This must be a doubly painful situation for you. I conducted […]

Everything Seems So Unreal — Coping with Unexpected Death

Posted on March 9, 2009 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

Responding to Ten Things Every New Widow Should Know to Survive, Jean writes: I just lost my husband on 2/23/09. He passed away at the airport before taking the trip to the East Coast for the new job training. That was his first day of the new job since he was laid off last Christmas. He would have been 40 this month and we have two twin girls. They will be 1 this month as well. I don’t know what to do when I am alone. Everything seems so unreal. His mom blames everything on me. That adds more pain. […]