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Writing Thank You Notes After a Funeral

Posted on March 19, 2009 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

By Beverly Chantalle McManus Over the past six years since Steve’s death, in grief workshops and counseling sessions, I’ve talked with hundreds of people whose loved ones have died. One of the most common hurdles in the grief and loss process is writing thank you notes acknowledging the thoughtful care, the flowers, the cards, the remembrances, from those who surround us during these tough times. I know that for me, despite the immense gratitude I felt in my heart for the thoughtfulness of friends and family, the act of writing the thank you notes was all but impossible. In some […]

A Fallen Hero

Posted on March 18, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

Today, everyone took their turn at celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. Every person whether you’re Irish or not, has an excuse to be Irish at least for one day. Not to mention the fact that it is a good excuse to skip work and drink green beer. However, I could not be further from a celebrating mood on this day. I was at a funeral for a relative very close to our family, our beloved Jason, and it was truly one of the saddest days of my life. The funeral was to honor a man and celebrate a […]

Can We Enjoy Pavarotti at the Deathbed?

Posted on March 18, 2009 - by Lizzy Miles

By Elizabeth Miles — On a Friday in January of 2003, I get a phone call from my step mom. My aunt, my dad’s sister Shirley, has a pneumonia, it’s bad, she’s in hospice and could die any day now. I feel guilty for not visiting her over the past few years. She was living in a nursing home in Dayton since she had a stroke three or four years ago. My dad wants to drive together to see my Aunt Shirley. I tell him that I don’t want to because I don’t want to stay all day. Alone in […]

Preparing To Say Goodbye and Other Challenges of the Heart

Posted on March 17, 2009 - by John Pete

I found out this week that my father’s several years-long battle with cancer has moved to a terminal stage. And while the news is not completely unexpected, it is a frightening jolt to be faced with his mortality in terms of months, all the same. My father has quietly admitted that he is afraid and not yet ready to die; heartbreaking words from someone whose emotions are usually very reserved. My dad would likely be surprised to know that I have always seen him as one of the strongest men I have ever known, despite the fact that there have been many differences between us. He has not […]

Hello March, Goodbye Fear

Posted on March 17, 2009 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

By Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP — Fear is big these days and, like wildfire, it spreads easily and quickly. Fear is a primal emotion; it triggers our reptilian (more primitive) brain to fight or flee. When the reptilian brain is engaged, it overrides rationality. Therefore, whatever our fear is about – our safety, our economy, our relationships, our health, or our future – fear can paralyze us without warning. Undoubtedly, sometimes our fear is a response to real and immediate danger. More frequently, however, fear’s stronghold is about our unexamined thinking as, “Oh Lord, it will always be […]

Fatherloss To Be Made Into PBS Special

Posted on March 17, 2009 - by Neil Chethik

FatherLoss, a book by Open to Hope Executive Editor Neil Chethik, is being made into a PBS Special for national distribution this Father’s Day. Neil will be the featured expert in the documentary about how men deal with the deaths of their dads. Pulitzer Prize winning cartoonist Joel Pett will also be featured, telling the story of his father’s life and death. The Special is being produced by Kentucky Educational Television (KET), the public TV network in Kentucky. It will be made available to all PBS stations around the country. FatherLoss, which was published by Hyperion Books in 2001, has […]

Unique Aspects of Losing an Only Child

Posted on March 16, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox When a parent loses an only child or all their children, we learn there are unique aspects that confront us. I will be listing for you in this blog and the next, some of these aspects of being childless. I begin with what I believe to be three most important questions: “Am I still a mother?” “Do I need to make a new will” and “Will I ever have any more special events in my life.” First, “Am I still a mother?” Of course we are. We will always be a mother, whether our child is alive […]

Helping a Child Cope With the Death of a Grandparent

Posted on March 16, 2009 - by Claire Perkins

The death of a grandparent can be especially difficult for a young child. But there are ways that you can help the child cope. For example, you can ask the child to draw some pictures of her and her grandfather together and then tell you about the pictures. Or you can suggest that the child draw a picture of the grandparent in heaven. If the picture comes out scary, ask the child to draw another one in which the grandparent is having fun, doing what he or she always loved to do. The reality is that young children often find […]

Wearing Husband’s Clothes Keeps His Memory Close

Posted on March 15, 2009 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

By Michele Neff Hernandez For the first few weeks after Phil’s death, anything that had touched his body was sacred. His shoes were sitting where he last left them, his lunchbox remained on top of the refrigerator, and his toothbrush was standing next to mine in the holder. One day, I found an eyelash of his and pressed it into a plastic rosary holder for safekeeping. Three days before he died, he was working in our attic and left dirty fingerprints on the top of the door in our bedroom. I was annoyed when I saw the black marks on […]

Washing Diane’s Body: Caring at the Crossing

Posted on March 14, 2009 - by Nancy Manahan & Becky Bohan

By Nancy Manahan, Ph.D., and Becky Bohan. M.A. — In our last Open to Hope posting, the extraordinary final moments of Diane’s death in Nancy’s arms were described. Here, Nancy recounts what happened immediately after Diane died, most importantly, the washing of Diane’s body. This ancient ritual is being reclaimed by many families as an opportunity to honor their loved ones, to grieve, and to perform a final sacred service for them. Diane’s closest friends, Bev and Laura, arrived at the house moments after she died. I was still holding her when they entered the bedroom. They knelt beside the […]