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From Sad to Silly: Christmas Memories Salve Widow’s Pain

Posted on November 20, 2008 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

By Michele Neff Hernandez — There is a song on the radio at this time of year, sung by the Carpenters, called “Merry Christmas, Darling.” The first Christmas after my husband Phil died, hearing this song sent me into fits of tears. Not the sweet, sad, nostalgic type of tears-these were the hitting my hands on the dashboard or kicking my bed, angry, unreasonable type of tears. Every time the song came on, I wanted to scream at the beautiful voice on the radio because the sentiment was so infuriating. The lyrics proclaim that every day is a holiday with […]

Life Will Never Be the Same — But You Can Get Through This

Posted on November 19, 2008 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

In response to “How Do I Cope After the Death of My Husband?” Arlene writes: I lost my husband a week ago today, I buried him yesterday. One minute I am numb the next I am crying my eyes out. I love and miss my best friend….I just don’t know what to do….I can’t forget his eyes as they were taking him in the ambulance, they were pleading with me and I couldn’t help him….I can’t close my eyes without seeing his pleading eyes to help him, he knew he was dying, it was a massive heart attack and […]

Last Conversation With Son is Deep, Loving

Posted on November 19, 2008 - by Yvonne Lancaster

By Yvonne E. Lancaster — Coming home was a tough time of day. It signaled the end of the occupational work day, and the beginning of the personal work evening…preparing dinner, doing laundry, taxiing kids, whatever else kept me going until 11 p.m. My 5 p.m. homecoming blues had often been softened by seeing my oldest son Brian’s familiar dark blue Chevy Citation sitting in the driveway. His bumper stickers read: “Free the Beaches” and “Save the Whales.” My heart was always warmed to know I’d raised a son who was a caring person. As I deftly balanced grocery bags, […]

It’s OK to Laugh… and Other Hints for the Holidays

Posted on November 18, 2008 - by Tom Zuba

By Tom Zuba — My 18-month-old daughter Erin died suddenly on July 18, 1990. Had she lived, we’d be preparing for her 20th birthday this January 2. Even though I had grown up aware that children do die – my own baby brother Danny died when I was just 6 years old – nothing prepared me for my daughter’s death. I was ill-equipped and ill-prepared as were most, if not all, of the people in my circle. That first holiday season, and the next, and even the next were difficult for my wife and me. I wish someone had handed […]

Having That Difficult Conversation: How to Talk About Uncomfortable Issues

Posted on November 17, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

What makes a good conversation? Two people who want to talk–and listen. Sometimes, they use words, but a conversation can consist of a glance, a the touch of a hand–it’s about connection. You can’t force it, and if you try too hard, it shows. The art of conversation starts with you–and what you bring to the table. The best conversationalists have a great sense of emotional intelligence, are easy, approachable, mix humor and poignancy, and can slide from subject to subject at a blink. It’s got a lot to do with a deep sense of confidence. There’s nothing sexier, more alluring, […]

Pain, the Unwanted Gift

Posted on November 16, 2008 - by Bernie Siegel

By Bernie Siegel, MD — At workshops, I frequently ask people if they would like to be free of all pain, emotional and physical. However, I tell those who sign up for what they think will be a gift to take my phone number with them so when they experience the problems associated with feeling no pain, they can call and cancel the supposed gift. Think about lepers and diabetics with peripheral neuropathy who are losing their limbs because they cannot feel infections or injuries. Then think about our feelings and emotions and how important it is to respond to […]

Poem: The Promise

Posted on November 15, 2008 - by Genesse Gentry

Your birth brought me star shine, the moon and the sun; my wishes, dreams, gathered round my little one. My life became sacred, full of promise and light wrapped up in the child who brought love at first sight. The years of your living filled with laughter and tears, excitement, adventure, some boredom, some fears, but ended too quickly, ahead of its time the loss so horrendous, such heartbreak was mine. But from the beginning, one thought rose so clear: never would your death erase the years that you were here. I would not be defeated or diminished by your […]

Caregivers: There’s Nothing More Important Than a Good Conversation

Posted on November 14, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

I love the Japanese concept of Wabi-Sabi–the beauty found in imperfection. There’s nothing more imperfect than family life. The fusses, fights, secrets, and misunderstandings add texture to your life–and salt to your stories. I found this definition at Nobel Harbor, written by Tadao Ando, a Japanese architect. This essay on Wabi Sabi so touched me that I thought I’d share it–it’s how I strive to live my life. Pared down to its barest essence, wabi-sabi is the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and profundity in nature, of accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay, and death. It’s simple, slow, […]

What To Say When Someone’s Parent Has Died

Posted on November 14, 2008 - by Annette Gonzalez

By Annette Gonzalez — My parents died within five months of one another. This was a most difficult time in my life, and I was looking to family and friends for strength and comfort. At my parents’ funerals, people would say things to me that were of no comfort. In fact, some of their words made me feel worse. I’m sure that these people did not want to be insensitive; it’s just difficult to know what to say. Sometimes the right words of comfort elude us. I believe at times, it is appropriate to say nothing. I remember people telling […]

Gratitude Journal Brings Grieving Mother Relief

Posted on November 13, 2008 - by Debra Reagan

By Debra Reagan — There came a point in my grief over the death of my son Clint when I became so tired of being tired. I began to search for something that would offer a bit of relief. I purchased a small notebook and began keeping a daily gratitude journal. Every day, I tried to find something to write in my journal. Most days, at first, I was just grateful that I had made it through another day. As time went on, I began to find small things of which I was truly grateful. I began to see that […]