In a New York Times article on December 11, 2005, Clifford J. Levy remarks that “it has become almost taboo to discuss any proposal more modest than an immediate and total rebuilding…Suggest that New Orleans needs to consider repopulating only elevated areas, leaving especially flood-prone ones to lie fallow, and you will be shouted down.”
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Friends share their lives with each other. You swap stories, laugh at silly jokes, and discuss tough issues. Whether it’s before death or after, no issue is tougher than grief. “Close friends can make the critical difference in our coping with grief,” writes Judy Tatelbaum in “The Courage to Grieve.”
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Anticipatory grief has been described as a “normal process,” but life is far from normal if you’re going through it. Some experts list symptoms in broad terms, and others list them in detail. Short list or long, anticipatory grief symptoms are jarring. You may have bouts of crying, for example, a symptom that upsets you and those around you. You may hold back your tears because you have to be strong for your loved one. All through the day you have a choked feeling in your throat. Holding back tears takes lots of energy and, before long, you’re exhausted.
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When a friend or loved one is grieving, it is hard to know what to say or how to show your support. When you want to provide comfort and support and show your concern for a family member, a friend, or an associate, a personalized gift is always an ideal choice. The best gifts are those given and chosen from the heart. It says that you really care and have taken the time to think about the time after the initial grief of losing a loved one … during the alone and lonely times.
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Oscar and Eleanor lived on a farm in the valley next to the river. As children we spent many wonderful times with this childless couple. They spoiled us with birthday and holiday gifts. I watched Oscar milk cows and fed them grain. Eleanor let me help her make chocolate cake or bake bread in her wood cook stove.
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People who commit suicide are very selfish people. They do not inflict their own pain. They inflict pain on their innocent family and friends they leave behind–the ones that are capable of caring and loving unselfishly. Nobody deserves that much pain. We might have all said this at one time or another, ?I?m going to kill myself,? or ?I might as well be dead, no one will care.? We might have all thought it from one time or another. I admit that I have said it and contemplated it.
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1) Don’t try to make the grieving person feel better. YOU CANNOT. For many grievers it only serves to make them feel guilty or worse. Grievers MUST experience the pain of grief for healing to ultimately occur. 2) Don’t tell the griever to give it time. Time has stopped for the griever. Life proceeds in slow motion. Life is too surreal to be identified with time.
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“Then [I] dreamed…” (Genesis 28:12). About four months after our son died I wrote a booklet titled GRIEF. Two years later I received a letter from a publisher accepting it and saying they felt it would help many grieving people. What I remember about the afternoon I received the letter was a dream. I never took naps then; I worked part-time and was very active. But that afternoon our precious God put me to sleep and gave me a gift. I want to share this dream, for it convinced me that God does indeed communicate with us through visions.
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If you’re going through anticipatory grief you’ve probably heard of “grief work.” Health professionals may use the term without explaining it. Anticipatory grief is so draining and confusing you may not have a clear picture of your grief work. What is it? How can you accomplish it? “Grief work includes the processes that a mourner needs to complete before resuming daily processes,” according to The National Cancer Institute. This grief work includes mentally separating from the person who has died, adjusting to a different life, and forming new relationships.
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I can’t imagine a more difficult or trying period: coping with the death of a loved one. This is especially true when they are relatively young or not showing a sign of a previous illness or disease. Auto accident victims immediately come to mind because of their proliferation. But there are other ways and means to cut short a life. Yet, does it really matter in the end? The result is that friends, relatives, and other associates remain here on earth to deal with the tragedy. I feel somewhat qualified to write about this because it happened to me twice.
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Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.
