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After a Major Loss: So, Now What?

Posted on February 9, 2021 - by Greg Adams

Many questions compete for attention when death comes and life changes. Among the many, there is at least one question that stubbornly remains as the numbness fades and our awareness of what has happened increases. So, now what? Part of us knew this day was coming, but we tried not to think about it. Or at least not think about it all the time. Another part of us hoped for a miracle. Another part said, “Maybe they’re wrong.” Other parts took us to other places—other thoughts, other things to do, anything else. Who can live with every moment thinking of […]

Viewing the Body: Does it Help or Harm?

Posted on February 7, 2021 - by Neil Chethik

excerpted from FatherLoss, by Neil Chethik, available here. Should you view the body after a loved one’s death? Immediately after the father’s death, one important question for sons was whether or not to view the body. In my FatherLoss Survey, among sons eighteen to fifty-five at the time of the death, 85 percent said they viewed their father’s body before it was buried or cremated. And more than 75 percent of those men reported that seeing the body was helpful later in coping with the death. A disc jockey who was thirty-seven when his dad died told me the viewing […]

How to Be Grateful in Grief

Posted on February 5, 2021 - by Catherine McNulty

Gratitude is a buzzword we hear all the time. We hear it so much we often dismiss it. To be honest, it’s a trend I ignored until a mentor told me that a daily gratitude practice would transform my life. Since I trusted her and I wasn’t thrilled with the life I had, I decided to give it a try. Today, a daily gratitude practice has become more than just a buzzword. After a year of trying to figure out what a gratitude practice could do for me and how it could help me grieve, it’s become a way of […]

A Glimpse into Grieving in the New Year

Posted on January 18, 2021 - by Bob Baugher

If you are like most bereaved people, thinking about the future without your loved one is not pleasant. In thinking about the next year, some people shake their head saying, “I don’t want to go there. It’s too difficult to even imagine.” Perhaps this is an article you’d rather not read. I’m writing it because—and I think you’ll agree—making plans when dealing with a difficult issue is usually better than just letting it happen. As you can see with the lists below, I’ve put together holidays in one column with a number of suggestions in the other. The suggestions are […]

Eight New Year’s Eves Ago

Posted on January 16, 2021 - by Elizabeth Brady

There is a collective sigh of relief as we ring in 2021, and yet there is also mounting loss and unattended grief. For those of us who have been learning to live newly after the death of our own loves, we know that healing will take time and attention. Our own son Mack died 8 years ago today, two weeks shy of his ninth birthday. It still takes my breath away. How I long to see his teddy bear eyes and laugh together on the couch. I sense his joyful presence. I picture him running, his long legs stretched out, […]

Focus on Hope

Posted on January 15, 2021 - by Jill Smoot

It came to me the other day. Almost as a shock. With all the craziness in this year of 2020. With faces hidden behind masks. With people separated from family and friends. With news, and noise, and numbers. I had not been thinking of Aaron so much. I was grieving for others. My prayers were purposeful, not perplexed. “ God help us!” Help US, not just Me. Knowing fully that God can, and does help. He does hear our cries, and He does answer. Sorrow can be so solitary. I know that to be true. But it can strangle, forming a focus on […]

Assembling My Grief Survival Kit: What’s In Yours?

Posted on January 15, 2021 - by Harriet Hodgson

My husband died two weeks ago, but I had been preparing for his death a long time. I was my husband’s caregiver and watched him summon courage when he learned he was paraplegic. I watched him adapt to failing health and make the most of each day. I watched him and learned from him. Hundreds of times, he said, “I love you to eternity,” and I loved him the same way. I continue to feel his love and it gives me strength. During 63 years of marriage we were a couple and now it was just me, flying solo. What […]

Writing Happy Holiday Memories

Posted on December 23, 2020 - by Linda Freudenberger

I wrote this story as a happy Christmas memory…it especially holds true since my husband passed in 2017. I found a Charlie Brown-like tree: pitiful, sparse, complete with Charlie, Snoopy, Lucy, Linus and Schroeder at the piano ornaments on it. This is my new Christmas tradition since it is too difficult both physically and emotionally to put a tree with all the memories of past Christmases. This one is enough to bring me joy. A Charlie Brown Christmas “Babe, we’re going to have to cut back a lot this Christmas. Just found out from HR that we will have to […]

Widow Resolutions: The Four Gs

Posted on December 21, 2020 - by Kerry Phillips

The new year offers a time for reflection and looking ahead. For the widowed community, it can be a double-edged sword: wanting to move forward while holding onto the precious memories of a late spouse. With so much hurt and pain in the world, especially the COVID-19 pandemic, I encourage you to consider the following four Gs while working on 2021 resolutions: Grace Give yourself grace throughout 2021. You survived the hell of 2020. Whether you made it through with flying colors or by the skin of your teeth, celebrate all you’ve accomplished and forgive yourself for the mistakes and […]

Change: The Unwanted Gift

Posted on December 19, 2020 - by Bernie Siegel

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly. ” – Richard Bach Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 — To everything there is a season; And a time to every purpose under the sun; A time to get and a time to lose; A time to keep and a time to cast away. My wife died after we were married for 63 years, but at the same time I still have her with me. What do I mean by that? I mean that her humor, beauty, love and spirit are still beside me and will never be lost […]