Carol O'Dell

Carol D. O'Dell's gripping memoir MOTHERING MOTHER, (April 1, 2007 by Kunati Publishing) is for the "sandwich" generation and overflows with humor, grace and much needed honesty. Written with wit and sensitivity, Mothering Mother offers insight on how to not only survive but thrive the challenges of caring for others while keeping your life, heart, and dreams intact. Carol is an inspirational speaker and instructor focusing on caregiving, spirituality and adoption issues. She has been featured on numerous television, radio and magazine and podcast programs including WEDU/PBS, Artist First Radio, "Coping with Caregiving" national radio, Women's Digest and Mature Matters Publications. Her fiction and nonfiction work has appeared in numerous publications including Atlanta Magazine, Southern Revival, MARGIN, and AIM, America's Intercultural Magazine Carol appeared on the radio show "Healing the Grieving Heart" with Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi Horsley to discuss "Mothering Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir." To hear Carol being interviewed on this show, click on the following link: www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley031308.mp3

Articles:

Is This Your Last Christmas Together?

Do you feel this is the last Christmas with your spouse or parent? Maybe your loved one has just been placed in hospice–or maybe you just know. You have that feeling. Perhaps you or your loved one is facing a cancer diagnosis, or you’re at the end stages of Alzheimer’s or heart disease. This can put a cloud over the festivities. It’s hard to get in the holiday mood while your kitchen counter is filled with medicine bottles–and not gingerbread men. It gets tiring when you worry about what you say or do being “the last.” Everything drips with meaning. You’re standing […]

Caregivers and Happiness: An Oxymoron?

Do caregivers struggle with the concept of happiness? People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln. I find it pretty amazing that this quote is attributed to Abraham Lincoln. He didn’t exactly have a cushy life. According to today’s standards of what qualifies as a “good life,” Abraham Lincoln’s journey would not be considered an easy one–then or now. And yet, we all owe him a great debt. He held America together and changed the course of history. His words and example still inspire us today. Happiness is a lot about choice. It’s a […]

“I Can’t Believe I Just Said That”: How to Say the Right Thing to Someone Who is Ill or Experienced a Death

A dear friend of mine has cancer is awaiting a double mastectomy. Her family and friends have all gathered and I see the love and connection she has surrounding her. There’s hugs and laughter and even a few tears. But we’re still human, every last one of us that and all those prayers and good thoughts don’t keep us from saying something really dumb. Hey, I’m guilty too. I don’t mean it in a “I would never say something that stupid” way because trust me, I’ve been known to say a few blunders in my day. But I heard someone say something […]

Aging and Fear: Choose a Different Path

As I was caregiving my mother, I couldn’t help but observe my mother’s words and actions. If you live with someone, talk and listen, you begin to notice patterns. The same old things get said day in and day out. We’re all such creatures of habit. As my mother continued to age, she lost her ability to filter her thoughts or hide her fears. It got me thinking about where I am now…and who I will become. What concerns will linger and play and replay like a needle stuck on a record? What judgements will slip out when I am too tired or too […]

Having That Difficult Conversation: How to Talk About Uncomfortable Issues

What makes a good conversation? Two people who want to talk–and listen. Sometimes, they use words, but a conversation can consist of a glance, a the touch of a hand–it’s about connection. You can’t force it, and if you try too hard, it shows. The art of conversation starts with you–and what you bring to the table. The best conversationalists have a great sense of emotional intelligence, are easy, approachable, mix humor and poignancy, and can slide from subject to subject at a blink. It’s got a lot to do with a deep sense of confidence. There’s nothing sexier, more alluring, […]

Caregivers: There’s Nothing More Important Than a Good Conversation

I love the Japanese concept of Wabi-Sabi–the beauty found in imperfection. There’s nothing more imperfect than family life. The fusses, fights, secrets, and misunderstandings add texture to your life–and salt to your stories. I found this definition at Nobel Harbor, written by Tadao Ando, a Japanese architect. This essay on Wabi Sabi so touched me that I thought I’d share it–it’s how I strive to live my life. Pared down to its barest essence, wabi-sabi is the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and profundity in nature, of accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay, and death. It’s simple, slow, […]

Has Caregiving Changed You?

Has caregiving changed you? Do you no longer feel like yourself? Has a part of you died? I know. I felt this too. I felt like I lost myself in some way. I lost my spontaneity, at times, my hope, and most days, my freedom. But I’m here to let you know that it won’t always be this way. Yes, caregiving disrupts your life. Yes, caregiving dumps stress on your life by the bucket load. Yes, caregiving will test every physical, emotional and moral fiber you have–and it hunts for frays and weak spots. But I’d still do it again. (I […]

Who Says Halloween’s Just For Kids? Easy Tips for Caregivers and Their Loved Ones to Enjoy the Fall Festivities

You’re never too old for Halloween. It’s a fun fall festivity that should continue long after our toddlers have flown the nest. Life brings many challenges–disease, financial difficulties–and the best way to counteract all this doom and gloom is with a boo! Our elders really get a kick out of Halloween. They love to see the kids dress up and enjoy handing out candy, or at least watching the parade of adorable angels, fairies, pirates, and ghosts walk by. So go to a little trouble. Why? You argue that you’ve got enough to do being mom or dad’s daughter/son–and caregiving? Because […]

Caregivers: You Don’t Have to Like Your Mother to Love Her

Newsflash: You don’t have to like your mother to love her. This, for some of us is a relief. We feel like bad sons or bad daughters if every thing’s not warm and fuzzy, but caregiving isn’t about your emotional barometer reading for the day. It’s no coincidence that we start out tethered to our mothers. The umbilical cord is the first of many. It sustains us, feeds us, is a highway of blood. It’s tough too. I remember my husband cut our daughter’s umbilical cords and he said he really had to work at it. And after all our mother-daughter […]

Have You Taken Caregiving Too Far For Your Own Good?

I was recently at an event where a woman received the caregiver of the year award for her community. Her daughter wrote a lovely letter about all her mother did for her mother. The list started at about 5am and ended about midnight–with frequent middle of the night interruptions as well. The list went on and on. Daily baths, attention paid to her mother’s nails, lotions, pulling chin hairs…on and on and on. She got a standing ovation, but my heart ached for her. She was in her early 50s and looked in her late 70s. She was smiling but […]

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