Larry Carlat

Articles:

A Day in the Life . . .If You Can Still Call It That

You wake up in the morning and for the first few hazy seconds, you think maybe it was all a bad dream. As soon as you get out of bed, a tidal wave of grief knocks you down, bringing you to your knees, and you immediately start to cry. You can’t stop crying. This is the beginning of the end of your life as you knew it—grieving your child who is no longer alive. Whether it was a long goodbye, a short goodbye, or no goodbye, you want the pain to stop but you don’t think it ever will. […]

Terrible, Thanks for Asking: What I’ve Learned About Grief

I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved Rob. Six years ago, I joined the world’s worst club when my older son shot and killed himself. He was 28. Rob suffered from depression, bipolar disorder, and alcoholism. After he died, it was my turn to find out what suffering really means. After he died, it was my turn to find out what suffering really means. In the first few weeks and months, I was gutted and in shock. So were my ex-wife, Caryn and my younger son, Zach. Our family had been destroyed. The whole thing seemed surreal—time was out […]

We Are Extraordinary Parents

I’ve always found it strange that there’s no word for a parent who loses a child. Why do widows, widowers, and orphans get to have all the fun? I think it’s time for someone to right this wrong. Bear with me for a moment as I reaffirm what you already know: children aren’t supposed to die before their parents. That’s just not the way life should work. We give birth to children or adopt them, we love and nurture them, we raise them, they grow up, we grow old, and then we die. The circle of life, sunrise, sunset, […]

The Soul Knows When It’s Time to Go

Trying to make sense of suicide is a fool’s errand, and I’ve been that fool ever since my son Rob died. Losing any relative to suicide is traumatic, but it’s particularly devastating for parents, who feel like a failure in the most important job of their lives. I tortured myself for the better part of two years, asking the same questions over and over again—is there anything we could’ve done to prevent Rob from doing what he did? In the days and weeks after his death, the answer seemed obvious: yes! For God’s sake, I was with him […]

Love Isn’t Enough

Thanks mainly to the Beatles, I always thought that love was all you need. Love was the answer, I knew that for sure. As I’ve said many times and will continue to say, I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved my older son Rob and I never will. I’m sure you feel the same way about your child. That’s the deal when you become a parent—the amount of unconditional love you feel for your children is so enormous and overwhelming that you didn’t and couldn’t possibly have known that you had it in you to give. There’s […]

Parts of You

One part of you knows that you must go on with your life, while another part doesn’t ever want to get out of bed. One part of you feels like you did everything possible to save your child, while another part takes you to task for not having done enough. One part of you believes that you were the best parent a child could ever have, while another part questions how you could possibly be the best parent when you failed to keep your child alive. One part of you accepts the reality of your loss, while another part […]