My Run-in with the Divine

As I drove teary-eyed in the twilight, I panicked, how in the world did I wind up here? How did my life end up like this? This wasn’t how I imagined my life would be when I was younger.

In that very instant, I had an incredibly intense feeling that someone was in my car with me. So much so, that I whipped my head around to look in the back seat to see who was there. Of course, I was alone, but also, not-alone. I sensed something or someone with me — intangible, yet palpable and perfectly peaceful.

I was being held in the highest regard under a loving gaze. It was as if a benevolent, friendly Presence was looking directly into my soul and just bursting with love for me. (Ugh, I get it, you don’t believe me. It’s actually hard to write. But this is how it happened.) I felt enveloped, gathered in an embrace of empathy, almost cradled by an energy of unconditional love. There. I said it.

An Intense Communion

Although I couldn’t visually see anyone, I felt an intense sense of communion with something big. A voice in my head spoke powerfully, yet reassuringly, and the message I heard lovingly and clearly was, “You are not alone.”

The Persian poet Rumi described his mystical union as, “closer to me than myself to myself.” This is the intimacy I experienced. And in that split second, I felt comforted.

Whatever was going on, I was completely entranced by this benevolent visitor.

Dazed, when I looked up and saw the dark road in front of me, out of the corner of my watery eyes, I caught a white speck of light in the rearview mirror. And there, I saw the biggest, yellowest, brightest, full moon I ever remembered shining in the night sky. It was as if that big, glowing ball was sitting there just for me, reminding me of the vast universe I was a part of, waxing and waning, and of the cycles of life.

Connectedness

And in that very moment, I felt … a deep sense of belonging and connectedness. I was going to be okay, and maybe even more than okay, despite my devastating and embarrassing divorce, and in spite of my father’s pending death. After all, it seems I wasn’t alone.

Ego Sum Noli timere. “It is I, be not afraid.” In that instant, I went from disconnected and drifting to feeling deeply connected to something larger than myself.

Now, we are, as you know, a skeptical people in these matters. And I’m totally open to the idea that this all happened in my head. That I was distraught, hating everything in the world, and that I imagined it. But here’s the thing. If I did envision it, I’m in good company.

According to a Gallup poll, one out of three Americans has had a mystical experience. One out of three. Why don’t we hear more about them? Because we live in a world of fear and judgment. I kept my mystical experience secret for far too long, until I couldn’t anymore. What would happen if more of us let the cat out of the bag?

Sharing Mystical Experience

Julian of Norwich did just that. In the 14th century, she had an experience of Christ during the Black Death, a similar trauma to the global COVID pandemic, when half the European population died. Julian was gravely ill, in excruciating pain, and she thought she was dying, when suddenly, without any effort on her part, in her mind she heard words spoken to her by Christ.

“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” St. Julian’s words summarized her mystical visitation.

Julian was one of us. In the middle of a pandemic, the bubonic plague, her six-year-old son died. She was surrounded by death and illness, and yet, instantaneously felt love and peace after hearing words spoken to her by Christ. She heard the words clearly in her heart and mind. Julian’s words provide a balm for our challenging times.

Julian said her visions, her encounters with Christ, were not hers. Rather, they belong to all of us, to the human soul.

“They are ours, for we are all one,” she realized.

The Run-in That You Don’t Forget

The thing about a run-in with the divine is that you don’t forget it. The memory is everlasting. In some ways, since that brief, magical encounter many years ago, I’ve spent my life seeking that union again. A shift happened for me in those moments and changed the course of my life.

I was somehow restored and reconnected with a sense of well-being deep within, and it turned out to be a kind of awakening.

Although I wasn’t a religious person, this direct exposure set me off on a pilgrimage of sorts, a peregrination as it’s called in Celtic spirituality. I don’t think this had to do with religion. There was no one stream or set of beliefs I needed to pledge to. My visitation was an invitation to personally connect with the divine, and the beginning of a path was revealed to me, some way I hadn’t known before. I was navigating into radically new territory, and while I didn’t choose this path, I didn’t ignore it, either.

Without much to lose, I chose to stay open to the brand-new ways and possibilities of living that I previously had no way of knowing. There’s no reason why I should have been given this gift. It was only later that I realized what I received was grace, a freely given gift that reconnected me to my deepest identity.

Heidi Gessner, MDiv, BCC Visit Website

Read more by Heidi: Communications at the Edge of Death – Open to Hope

 

Heidi Gessner

Heidi Gessner, MDiv, BCC, is an ordained United Church of Christ minister, life transition guide & coach, teacher, and former end-of-life professional. With nearly 20 years of experience as a palliative care and bereavement chaplain at a level one trauma center, she has provided emotional and spiritual support to countless individuals and families. Heidi developed the University of North Carolina Hospitals Adult Bereavement Support Services and has facilitated numerous grief support groups and writing workshops. Her book, Pockets of Grace: Lessons from Darkness, Lessons from Light, encapsulates the wisdom gleaned from her personal and professional journey, offering readers a compassionate guide through life's transitions. Pockets of Grace: Lessons from Darkness, Lessons from Light, was just reviewed by Elevate Society and contains an impressive summary. Does that work? Here is the review: https://elevatesociety.com/pockets-of-grace-summary-review/.

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