I could feel the pressure, my skin becoming tight, my breath shallow and cold, the room too full of her memory. And I would go, from corner to corner, wall to wall, choosing, oh so carefully, the pictures to be put away. I nestled them in drawers between spare candle holders, foreign coins, old crayons [...]
Found 11 results
Lucky Hat: Touchstones, Rituals Keep Parents’ Hope Alive
|
April 11, 2010
31 Responses
The double doors are closed to Three North at Stanford Children’s Hospital, where my daughter Madison is supposed to get her chemotherapy. It’s our second session, Maddy is seven months old sitting patiently in her stroller as I come up to the thick double doors. This is a very bad sign, these door being closed. [...]
Choosing to Live Even as a Child is Dying
|
February 13, 2010
Leave a response
Until her last breath, I never believed my daughter Madison was going to die. Three years after she took that last breath I considered that maybe she wouldn’t be coming back. Denial is a huge part of parental grief, a necessary part; it’s what helps us to get up in the morning. Denial was exactly [...]
The Yin and Yang of Caring for Terminally Ill Child
|
December 14, 2009
1 Response
Alternative therapies weren’t the first line of defense when our five-and-a-half month old was diagnosed with cancer. We opted for what was proven; we put Madison’s life in the hands of exceptional pediatric oncologists, surgeons, radiologists, nurses and anesthesiologists. If untreated, the cancer was sure to kill her, but so could the treatment. We threw every recommended [...]
Hard Time for Moms Near the End of the Journey
|
September 6, 2009
Leave a response
It had been a warm summer, the breeze filled with the scent of sweet jasmine. The bright magenta of the Bougainvillea bloomed with fierceness, its roots running deep, tapping into the water below. It bloomed despite the lack of watering and it stood as a physical sign of our family’s battle with cancer: we continued [...]
Does Grief End? Rediscovering Laughter
|
August 21, 2009
Leave a response
I heard the sound coming from somewhere close, swelling from the deepest part of my being. I was almost startled when I felt it resonate through my body, felt the vibration, lungs rising and falling to keep up with the demand of my spirit. How long had it been since I had felt laughter? The [...]
The First Mother’s Day After Maddy’s Death
|
May 8, 2009
1 Response
By Lisa Buell – I got a truck full of manure delivered to me the first Mother’s Day after my daughter Madison died. I had been sleeping in, hoping the day would turn to night before I had to come out of my room. The vibration of the truck shook the old single pane windows [...]
What It’s Really Like When Your Child is Terminally Ill
|
April 20, 2009
2 Responses
By Lisa Buell – How could death possibly happen to a child? We all enter into an unspoken contract that our children will outlive us. It’s what gives us the courage to become parents in the first place. When that assumption is suddenly thrown into question because of a child’s illness, we find ourselves looking [...]
Taking Care of Your Relationship After the Death of a Child
|
January 29, 2009
3 Responses
By Lisa Buell – Valentine’s Day is a day for lovers, a time to celebrate our passion for one another. But what happens after our child has died? Our innocence is lost and it takes every ounce of strength to be civil or even interested in what our partners are saying. What happens when our [...]
After Daughter’s Death, Mother Finds Way Back to God
|
November 22, 2008
2 Responses
By Lisa Buell –
