Twenty-five years after September 11th, I continue to think about the families I came to know through my work with the FDNY–Columbia University Family Guidance Program. I worked closely with families who lost a firefighter in the World Trade Center attacks. I remain in touch with some of these families today, which has allowed me to witness how grief, resilience, and hope continue to evolve over time. Some of the children I once knew have grown into adults and even followed in their parents’ footsteps by becoming firefighters themselves.
One of the most important things I learned is that grief does not follow a timetable. It changes over time. Children who lost a parent on 9/11 grew up and came to understand that loss in new ways. Birthdays, graduations, weddings, and other milestones often brought both joy and renewed grief.
I also learned that traumatic loss affects the entire family. A surviving parent may be grieving deeply while also trying to support and protect their children. Children may hold back their own feelings because they do not want to upset a parent. This taught me how important it is to support families as a whole and to create opportunities for people to communicate, connect, and understand that they may grieve differently.
September 11th also showed me that grief after terrorism can carry additional layers of fear, anger, uncertainty, and a changed sense of safety. Helping families regain a sense of security and connection was an important part of the healing process.
Another lesson was the importance of long-term support. In the immediate aftermath of tragedy, help is often everywhere. But grief continues long after the public attention fades. Families may need support years later as their lives change and new milestones bring the loss forward again.
Most of all, I learned that grief and hope can exist together. Healing does not mean forgetting someone or leaving them behind. It means finding a way to carry their love and memory forward while continuing to live a meaningful life.
Over the past 25 years, I have watched children become adults, families rebuild their lives, and people transform loss into service, advocacy, connection, and purpose. The grief remains real, but so do love, resilience, and hope.
As we mark this anniversary, I believe one of the most important lessons we can carry forward is the need to stay connected to families after tragedy, to listen to what they need, and to recognize that healing is a lifelong process.
Twenty-five years later, September 11th is still a story of tremendous loss. But it is also a story of courage, connection, compassion, and the remarkable ways people learn to carry love forward.
