Excepted from Celestial Conversations: Healing Relationships After Death (Cape House Books), and may be purchased through Amazon.

One year after Mother’s death, I was cleaning out a bookcase when one of my journals from the 1970’s fell on the floor.  I skimmed it, remembering how I’d combined meditation and journaling to tap into divine guidance.  The technique had helped me to unravel our six-year-old son’s academic difficulties.  Could this formula of prayer, meditation and journaling help me heal the grief I feel over the loss of my mother?  I figured it couldn’t hurt to try.

The next morning I sat in my quiet living room, said a prayer for guidance, meditated to clear my mind.  Then I placed on new journal on my lap, breathed deeply and wrote on the first page:  This journal was purchased to connect with my Mother, Lois Janes, after her death on February 5, 2004.  The purpose is to heal our relationship after her death and before my own.


Dear Loanne, I am grateful for this venue. We do need to communicate, and I have tried without success to get through in other ways.  Your judgment and anger are powerful barriers to what you want to do. Forgiveness is the only way to open the door of communicating.  I ask your forgiveness for my mistakes in communicating with you over the years.  Communication was never my strong suit, even in the best of times.

I know toward the end of my life, I made a great mess of my communication.  In your kindness, please overlook those years. They really were not me, nor my intentions. I got lost and couldn’t find my way back. I took any hand, listened to anyone, but you and paid anyone to lead me out of the darkness.  So much wasted time.  So many wasted judgments.  I so regret those years. Lovingly, Mother”


Dear LoAnne, Now I see that you know that communication and love can be shared transpersonally.  We have another chance to be lovingly communicating.   It is exciting to be given another chance.  I can help you and the children and the grandchildren.  I am just as interested and close to you all as I was on earth. There is one big difference.  I am clear.  I can see potential.  I can see the obstacles.  I know how to be helpful.  This is a good way to begin to chat.  Thank you for forgiving me enough to try.

“The first thing I want to compliment you on is turning to God for guidance.  I was afraid to listen to God’s guidance.  Keep that up.  You are surrounded by help.  Listening is the secret, followed by trusting that guidance.  Another deficit of mine.  Trust never came to me.  I trust you now and I trust you to do the right thing.  A miracle in itself.  Lovingly, Mother”


This conversation with our daughter, Cyndi, after her death is worth recording as well.  It comes at the end of my book one year after her death:

As you go through this day, please remember the good times, the laughter and the love.  It was also there.  Just because the end of my life was so dark and tragic, don’t color my life with tragedy.  Overall, it was good.  I had my wonderful sibling and my beautiful boys, and my dear, loving parents.  If I could have focused on that, my life would have taken a different course.  Focus for me, Mom.  Help everyone, especially my boys.  Remember the love we shared, not the pain and the sorrow.  It is only love that matters, only love that crosses the divide of life and death, only love that lives through eternity.



Lo Anne Mayer

Lo Anne Mayer, author of Celestial Conversations: Healing Relationships After Death, and co-founder of the International Grief Council, offers motivational talks, workshops, and retreats on transpersonal journaling. She resides in New Jersey but travels throughout the US to share her message of forgiveness and unconditional love. http://www.internationalgriefcouncil.org/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb0BSUC-sn8

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