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Gardening Through Grief

Posted on July 24, 2017 - by Jill Smoot

I think back to the summer of 2011, when our oldest son died suddenly in August. From that moment on, my life forever changed. All the plans I had made were now in the background as I searched for normalcy. Even daily routines were put on hold, as I grappled with just doing the next thing in my broken life. And that included a Master Gardening class I had previously enrolled in, paid for, and was scheduled to begin that fall. I told my husband that there was no way I would do this class. In those first stages […]

My First Death

Posted on July 23, 2017 - by Bob Baugher

His name was Donald and I first met him when he was 9 and I was 12. His was the first Black family to move into our Seattle neighborhood back in the late 1950s. I remember a man and his wife who had recently moved to our neighborhood from Mississippi—a nice couple—or so I thought until they put up a Confederate flag in their living room window a couple days after Donald and his parents moved in. I remember Donald as a gentle, sometimes sickly boy who worked hard at fitting in with the neighborhood children. After a year, he […]

Shades of Grief: How Do We Know What’s Normal?

Posted on July 23, 2017 - by Charles Patterson

Everyone grieves differently. We’re all individuals. No two people are exactly the same biologically or psychologically. Even your “identical” twin is different–if you have one. You both came from the same set of genes, but when that set divided into the two of you, accidents may have happen: little accidents that don’t prevent a good life, or big ones that end life. You may have had a twin that you never met. And, everyone’s course of growth and development follows a different path from conception to death. The fall of every raindrop follows a different route from cloud to […]

‘His Life Was Brief’: Grieving the Death of an Infant

Posted on July 23, 2017 - by Catherine McNulty

The first time I saw my son, he was lying in a NICU incubator with a small, clear tube protruding from his mouth to help him breathe. The adhesive that kept the ventilator tube in place covered most of his tiny face. His eyes were closed, taped shut to keep out the bright light. He lay there, tiny and helpless, as the doctors explained to me that he needed surgery to close the whole between his heart and his lungs. In healthy newborns, this hole closes at birth. In premature infants like Jackson, it doesn’t. As his tiny body lay […]

Grief 101: Is There Value In Suffering?

Posted on July 17, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

Grief 101 is the title of my presentation at the Compassionate Friends Conference on July 28, 2017 in Orlando, Florida. It will be a very heartfelt conference and will be attended by over one thousand bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents as well as other friends and family. As I prepare my workshop I ask myself the question, “What can I possibly say that will ease their suffering?” I know the depths of their hurt as a number of years ago our son, Scott and his cousin died in a fiery automobile crash. At the time my pain was so great […]

Choosing the ‘Right’ Memorial for Your Loved One

Posted on July 9, 2017 - by Harriet Hodgson

When I was growing up, the neighbors who lived behind us installed a new patio and garden in their backyard. On a plaque in front of the garden were the words, Thank You Mom and Dad. “I think that’s really nice,” my mother commented. “They used money they inherited from their parents to pay for the patio and garden.” Planting a garden is one way to memorialize your loved one. Whatever you choose to do, you want the memorial to be “right.” When it comes to memorials, I think the bereaved have several options. One is to choose something that […]

A Final Decision: Making Choices During Grief

Posted on June 30, 2017 - by Lori Leo

Have you ever crossed a high, narrow, rickety bridge, made it safely to the other side only to realize that you are suddenly stuck in the middle of that same bridge swaying back and forth, knees buckled and unable to move? Where did that come from, you ask yourself? How did I find myself unable to move once again? We have a wonderful son adopted from Moldova in 2003. I am fulfilled. I am a mother. When I finished my book, After Miscarriage, A Journey to Healing, a tidal wave of tears flowed as the memories resurfaced, the pain, […]

Grief Counseling: 7 Reasons to Seek Support

Posted on June 28, 2017 - by Mary Joye

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” (C.S. Lewis) If you keep the proverbial “stiff upper lip” for too long, you may impair your ability to learn to smile again. It’s okay not to be okay. It’s good to cry. Pain is not meant to be contained for too long in the body, mind or spirit. Suffering seeks relief and release. You and only you can know if you need to talk to someone […]

Still, but Not Stagnant

Posted on June 26, 2017 - by Bunny Bennett

Grief often makes us slow down. We simply don’t have energy, and we must allow our bodies and souls to rest more. Yet, this does not have to mean that our being still signifies an absence of growth. As we practice self-compassion and give ourselves permission to have periods of rest and stillness, we can use those quiet moments for good. Perhaps, we can use our imagination! Do you know that child development specialists are expressing concern for our youth today? They contend that because children grow up with so much pressure on them, such as to perform academically, athletically, […]

The Three Points

Posted on June 26, 2017 - by Mike Russell

My experience with grief tells me that while grief is different for everyone, there are commonalities in the questions grievers ask. How do I move forward? Why does grief take so long to get over? What does normal look like now? These are just some of the questions that linger after the death of anyone and can keep the strongest of us feeling confined. I was there in that situation trying to decide if I even wanted to fight my way out. It turns out that at the time I did not even have the strength to begin. If I […]