Open to Hope Articles

Articles Home

As Life Ended, He Knew He Had Done the Best He Could

Posted on June 11, 2015 - by Jane Simington

Developmental theorist Eric Erickson1 described our final developmental task as being the need to review our life to determine if the gods are pleased. In doing a life review, we sort through the various aspects of our life and conclude either with believing we have done the best we could, or determining there are things we need to make right within our self or in our relationships. Some time ago, my husband called me for help with the frightening visions that were being experienced by his dying father. As my father-in-law’s life was drawing to a close he began having […]

Suicide Grief Is Unique Because Death by Suicide Is Unique

Posted on June 10, 2015 - by Franklin Cook

Perhaps the word unique is too restrictive in a discussion of universal phenomena such as death or grief, but according to new national guidelines* for responding to suicide, considering such a perspective … … opens the door to asking not only “What makes grief after suicide different?” but also “How does the distinctive nature of suicide itself affect the bereavement experience of survivors?” Responding to Grief, Trauma, and Distress After a Suicide: U.S. National Guidelines suggests that death by suicide can raise questions about the deceased’s volition and whether the death was preventable as well as about the role of stigma […]

Finding the Good Stuff on Father’s Day

Posted on June 10, 2015 - by Anne Hamilton

I will always remember my Uncle Steve in his work clothing, coming home from a long day of repairing cars and trucks. His boots were worn, and his clothing stained with grease. He would be so tired that he would lie down on the carpet. Often, he would fall asleep there from sheer exhaustion. When dinner was ready, I would go over to him and say, “Rise and shine!” On May 10th, he passed away after battling cancer. He was on hospice and lived for two and half years after his diagnosis, even though the doctors only gave him three […]

A Letter to My Daddy in Heaven

Posted on June 10, 2015 - by Julie Nierenberg

Dear Daddy, It’s been a long time since I’ve written to you. I miss doing that. We shared so many big and little things in our frequent emails and phone calls. Our conversations shrank the distance and connected us every day. Now that you’re gone from this earthly plane, I miss those exchanges dearly. Our subjects covered pretty much everything, because you held a non-judgmental space for me, always. You once told me that sharing the parts of my life that were hardest to disclose, my personal hurdles and heartaches, was a precious gift to you. When I finally got […]

Gone Too Soon: A Father’s Day Remembrance

Posted on June 8, 2015 - by Marguerite OConnor

Fathers are so important in our lives. To those fathers who are still with us, Happy Father’s Day. To those fathers who preceded us in death, who are gone too soon, we remember you. A special shout-out to all of the single fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, father figures, uncles, clergy, godfathers, neighbors, counselors, support group facilitators, employers, volunteers, coaches, teachers, soldiers, warriors & mentors, biological fathers, adoptive fathers, fathers-in-law & fathers of choice. Most fathers have been a caring presence in the lives of their families, providing emotional, spiritual, physical, educational, nutritional & financial support. Some fathers have walked away from, […]

Sheryl Sandberg’s Public Grief a Gift to All

Posted on June 3, 2015 - by Neil Chethik

Facebook executive and author Sheryl Sandberg used her personal facebook account today to speak out about the pain of losing her young husband last month and to thank friends and fans for their support in the aftermath. In a poignant 1,700-word post, Ms. Sandberg also took the opportunity to provide a virtual checklist of lessons about the grief process. “I have lived thirty years in these thirty days,” she wrote a month after her husband, David Goldberg, died suddenly at the age of 47. “I am thirty years sadder. I feel like I am thirty years wiser.” At 44, Ms. Sandberg […]

Howard Winokuer: Having Hope

Posted on June 3, 2015 - by Howard Winokuer

“It’s okay to see past some of the issues,” urges Dr. Howard Winokuer, the founder of The Winokuer Center for Counseling and Healing in Charlotte, North Carolina. Speaking with Dr. Heidi Horsley at the Association of Death Education and Counseling conference in 2015, he explains that, “It’s okay to have hope even if things don’t look hopeful.” Guilt is commonly linked with hope in the grieving process, and it can be hard to untangle the two. He recalls a time when he was talking to a friend a few months after her son died, and she laughed at one of […]

Lyn Prashant: Body Work After Loss

Posted on May 28, 2015 - by Lyn Prashant

As a bereaved spouse herself, Lyn Prashant specializes in “body work” after loss. She recently talked with Dr. Gloria Horsley from the Open to Hope Foundation about options for those in various stages of grieving when it comes to using the body as part of the healing process. “After my husband died, I found that talking did not deal with the pain in my body.” A few months after her husband passed, Prashant’s friend recommended seeing a masseur to address the physical pain. She explains that having your body touched with love and care can encourage emotions to surface that […]

Mitch Carmody: Signs and Connections

Posted on May 27, 2015 - by Mitch Carmody

“Getting” signs and connections when a loved one passes is a relatively common phenomenon. Some grievers are sure they’ve experienced signs about or from their loved ones who have passed. Others want to receive these signs. At the 2015 Association of Death and Counseling Conference, Dr. Gloria Horsley talked with Mitch Carmody about his take on signs, connections and the grieving process. “People are feeling this (connection)…but they’re afraid to actually tell anyone.” Nobody wants to sound delusional or like they’re reaching for straws, which can further the feeling of isolation. “It’s not crazy; it’s a phenomenon that does happen.” […]

Be Aware of Anticipatory Grief

Posted on May 27, 2015 - by Harriet Hodgson

Sooner or later, we all experience anticipatory grief—a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs. Unfortunately, many people do not realize they are going through this process, and think something is wrong with them. You may be experiencing anticipatory grief now. Nothing is wrong with you; it is a normal response to life events. Anticipatory grief and I are well acquainted, too well acquainted. My mother had progressive dementia and I was her caregiver for nine years. Every day, I felt like she was dying right before my eyes. When my daughter (mother of my twin grandchildren), […]