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Preparing for Winter Blues, Anniversary Reactions, and the Unwelcome Return of Grief

Posted on September 29, 2014 - by Harriet Hodgson

Fall has come to Minnesota. The trees are turning gold and orange and red. White-winged Juncos, birds in the sparrow family and harbingers of winter, have returned to the backyard feeders. Nights are colder, and there is frost on the lawn in the mornings. Much as I love fall, I’m always a bit uneasy because I know winter is coming. Living in this changeable climate requires preparation and courage. Winters can be beautiful. We usually have several ice storms that glaze the trees with ice and turn the town into a fairy land. Fierce wind chills, however, and temperatures of […]

Lightness within Darker Days: Creating Routines

Posted on September 28, 2014 - by Susan Reynolds

It’s that time of year again when weather changes, light changes, and layers come out to keep us warm. It’s that time of year again when traditions and aromas of childhood and warmth fill the stores and environments we occupy. Maybe this time, the past traditions and changes don’t fit our outlook of life woven with loss or grief. Our pockets may be laden with heavy loss. Another change? What can we do for ourselves as autumn shifts from the sunny days of summer to the shadowing and hibernating days of fall and winter? In loss, one often has “ […]

Sadness Creeps Back, Sometimes Out of the Blue

Posted on September 27, 2014 - by Paula Ezop

I lost my husband of 35 years nine years ago, and the overwhelming grief that I felt is somewhat of a distant memory. “Yes, somewhat of a distant memory, until something triggers that gut-wrenching heartache,” I mutter out loud as I write. It is strange how it manages to creep back into our lives, out of the blue, shattering our day, and reminding us that we are here without the love of our lives. The triggers can be something as simple as seeing a couple walking together holding hands, or watching a football game and remembering those autumn afternoons when […]

The Ruby Connection

Posted on September 26, 2014 - by Alicia King

My mother died 2 months after she turned 48. Her boyfriend was suspected in her death, but he was never charged. This left me with no answers, no closure, and no mother. I think this emotional “lostness” created a need for connections to her that I may not have experienced otherwise, at least not at the same intensity. I clung to everything – her clothes, her books, and anything with her handwriting on it. That same circling script that signed my elementary school permission slips became a touchstone for me as an adult, reminding me of days spent in her […]

Already Among the Dead

Posted on September 25, 2014 - by Mark Liebenow

I walk among the dead. This began when my wife died in April 2001. So when the planes slam into the World Trade Center, my heart doesn’t move. The towers collapse, sending clouds of dust billowing into the sky, people stumble into the streets stunned, and I feel nothing. Why should I cry? Why should I grieve faces and names I don’t know? My heart’s silence tells me that I already wander among the dead. They would not have cared about Evelyn’s death if they had known. There are too many deaths in the world to care about each one. […]

Songwriter Helps Mother Let Son Go

Posted on September 25, 2014 - by Anna Huckabee Tull

Of all the songs I have ever been invited to compose, to assist with healing around a loss, the story of little 4-year-old Alex is the one that most deeply touched my heart. One day I got a call from Aimee, who had spent almost all of her family’s income on medical bills for her very ill little son Alex. When she called, asking me to compose a song for his memorial service (he had been given about a month to live), I somehow could feel in my bones that a month was more than we really had. No time, […]

Helping the Bereaved Parent Survive the ‘Season of Cheer’

Posted on September 23, 2014 - by Sheri Perl

Once you become a bereaved parent, events that you once looked forward to, you now dread. Everything from the start of the school year right through to Memorial Day is filled with memories that now evoke as much pain as laughter. For most of us, however, it is that period of time between Thanksgiving and the New Year, the so-called “season of cheer,” with its emphasis on families, that overwhelms us. We sigh and we wonder, “How will I get through this?” Something that is very healing is to take the emphasis off yourself and merge with others who stand […]

‘Würmchen is Dead’

Posted on September 18, 2014 - by Elizabeth Heineman

There’s an old pear tree in our back yard. It’s too close to the house. One of these days, a windstorm will blow one of the high branches onto the roof, and we’ll wish we’d had it removed earlier. Already, windstorms have taken down the three ancient apple trees that were on the property when I bought the house. The pear tree is very sick. The center is nearly hollow, and you can see the rot in the branches. It’s only a matter of time. But I hate the thought of chopping it down. It’s the last of the old […]

Jump-Start Your Resilience by Telling Your Grief Story

Posted on September 18, 2014 - by Harriet Hodgson

Resilience is a skill, perhaps an art, learned from life experience. When a loved one dies our resilience may disappear for a while. Much as we want to be resilient, we can’t seem to do it because we’re so mired in grief. At least, that is my experience. In 2007 four of my family members died within nine months. Though I’m a stable person, these successive losses brought me to my knees. Seven years have passed since my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law died. During this time I’ve told my story in articles, books, talks, and workshops. Today, with […]

The Terms of My Surrender

Posted on September 17, 2014 - by Maria Kubitz

From the moment you came into my life, I hated you. I despised you. You came on the heels of my worst nightmare come true – the death of my young daughter. I didn’t know your name at the time. I just knew that you brought with you all the horrible feelings and emotions I had spent a lifetime learning how to repress and ignore. You broke my defenses down like they were candles trying to stay lit in a hurricane. You pounded me with pain, panic, anger, confusion, hysterics, anguish…and too many more to list. Mostly you came in […]