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Keeping Perspective During the Grief Journey

Posted on February 25, 2014 - by David Roberts

Egocentric Grief On several occasions in the almost eleven years since my daughter Jeannine’s death, I have attended calling hours for several friends whose loved ones have died. If the deceased is not a child, I will sometimes get comments like, “I know it is not the same (death of a child), but I feel so horrible (about my loss).” In some way, I appreciate these comments because it is validation of Jeannine’s death as unthinkable and unfathomable. To me however, these comments also serve to unwittingly trivialize the significance of the loss of their loved ones. Death permanently changes […]

She Died: Bereavement Without Euphemisms

Posted on February 23, 2014 - by Nina Bennett

I love words; the look of them on a page, the sound of them in my head, the texture of them in my mouth. My love of language was encouraged and nurtured by my parents. My favorite gift, even as a child, has always been a book. I taught myself to read prior to starting school and would correct the adults who tried to hasten bedtime by skipping pages during the story ritual. The English language is vast, with nearly unlimited word choices. And yet, as a society that fears and denies death, “died” has become an unmentionable four-letter word. […]

How to Help Children After a Traumatic Death

Posted on February 19, 2014 - by Linda Goldman

Peter was seven-years-old. He died of a brain tumor soon after he fainted on the school playground. Peter had first complained to his teacher of a bad headache, then fell off of the swings and become unconscious. His parents rushed him to the hospital, where the doctors discovered a brain tumor. He died after an unsuccessful emergency operation. Peter’s classmates and siblings had lots of questions about his death. They worried a lot about what could happen if someone gets sick. They worried their parents could die. They worried they could die too. Children are often worried after a sudden […]

The Other Side of Grief

Posted on February 18, 2014 - by Kim Meredith

Have you ever flipped over a colorful seashell that was wedged in the wet sand and examined its other side? You were probably first attracted by the reflection of the flashy hues of the exterior. But the smooth, concave inner surface of the vessel, which once protected life with a mirrored piece, also has a subtle beauty of its own. Now tossed up on the shoreline by the turbulent sea, it is half, not whole. The mollusk is gone along with the other matching section of the shell, making both sides exposed. There is a new purpose for it now […]

Remembering Traumatic Events

Posted on February 17, 2014 - by Jill Kraft Thompson

When I think back twelve years ago to events following the horrific car accident in which five members of my family were killed but I was spared, I recall awakening to my sister screaming, “They are all dead!” I remember looking at her blankly, not feeling anything, not even knowing I had been in an accident, and unsure of where we were. Even though I was in pain, I recall feeling numb. As time passes, our memories of the details about traumatic events change. Do I remember the accident today? No. Did I remember it just after it occurred? I […]

Being-with My Dying Dad

Posted on February 17, 2014 - by Julie Nierenberg

For our last three years of father-and-daughter life on this planet, Daddy and I talked daily to be as close as we could be. Our time together was coming to an end. We didn’t know when that would happen; we just knew it was coming sooner than we wished. And then came the news: “There is nothing more we can do.” Daddy didn’t feel like dying. He felt full of life and longing to live. He had more to do, more to say, more to feel, to taste, to write, to experience. He was angry and sad, disappointed and confused, […]

The Grief of Disability is Powerful and Life-Changing

Posted on February 12, 2014 - by Harriet Hodgson

In October, my husband’s aorta split for the second time. He had three operations in less than a week. The third one, to remove blood and insert grafts, took 13 hours. Unfortunately, he had a spinal stroke during the operation. When he agreed to have the surgery my husband understood the odds, a 20 percent chance of dying, a 10 percent chance of being paralyzed. “Your chances of having more time with your family are 80 percent,” one surgeon explained. My husband accepted the risks in order to be with his family. He was anesthetized for three weeks in Intensive […]

Reaching The Summit In Our Grief Journeys: Teachings From Bald Mountain

Posted on February 6, 2014 - by David Roberts

Trying Something New It has been said that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I acknowledge that I am getting older (my receding hairline and shades of gray that accent my beard and hair, is evidence of that), but I remain teachable as well as open to different experiences. In fact as I become older, I am more anxious to do things that I have never done previously in my life. My desire to do new things intensified in the later phase of grief following the death of my 18-year-old daughter Jeannine in 2003. My desire for new […]

Even When I am Afraid: Trusting During Times of Inner Darkness

Posted on February 4, 2014 - by Charles W. Sidoti

What do you think it really means to live by faith? Growing in faith is about learning to trust during those times when we cannot see clearly and cannot understand what is happening in our lives. Faith is very much about what we choose to do when we are afraid. Faith is sometimes referred to as light. Joyce Rupp, in her book Little Pieces of Light, reflects on the many different ways in which inner darkness, while not something we find pleasant, is often a naturally occurring and even necessary part of our spiritual growth. She makes the point that […]

What Do Men Bereaved by Suicide Need?

Posted on January 19, 2014 - by Franklin Cook

What Do Men Bereaved by Suicide Need? Men have a chance to answer that question themselves in an anonymous, confidential survey that is available online until Jan. 31, 2014. If you are a man 19 or older who has lost a family member, friend, or colleague to suicide, please go directly to the survey at http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MenBereavement. And whether or not you are someone who fills out the survey, please consider sharing the link with men you know who have lost a loved one to suicide — as well as on appropriate email lists. The survey was designed by the leaders […]