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How the Graveyard Became a Place of Peace

Posted on October 18, 2013 - by Alice Wisler

There’s the joke about the cemetery. “How many dead people are in there?” The answer: “All of them.” Or, “People are dying to get in there.” It brought a smile to my lips the first time a ten-year-old told me. But after my son died, I was wondering why there are so many jokes about death and being dead. “We joke about what we fear,” Daniel’s pediatric oncologist at UNC-Chapel Hill’s Hospital told me. Well, I don’t fear the cemetery anymore. The movies and TV shows, especially around Halloween, like to depict the graveyard as a scary place with ghosts […]

Thoughts of Holiday Gifts and My Deceased Daughter

Posted on October 17, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

Holidays are a time of reflection and self-discovery for those who mourn. Four years have passed since my daughter died, and I am still overwhelmed with memories at Christmas time. Since this was her favorite holiday, I naturally think of her. I remember the thought she put into selecting and making gifts. I have dreamed about my daughter, too. In my dreams she is either a baby or a toddler. Though four years have passed since she died, I still have times when I can’t believe she is gone. My daughter was 45 years old when she died and at […]

Ten Ways to Find Good Fortune in your Holidays

Posted on October 15, 2013 - by Nan Zastrow

The Christmas tree we dragged from the woods wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t expect the Christmas holiday to be perfect either. The long gangly branches made the tree seem awkwardly out of balance. It was fat at the bottom and too skinny at the top. One of our guests during the holiday commented, “I can’t believe you paid for that tree,” with a teasing snicker. Gramps would have liked the tree with wide spaces between the limbs. He always believed a bird should be able to fly through the tree. He didn’t believe anything should be perfect. Little flaws were […]

Holiday Sorrows and Precious Gifts

Posted on October 13, 2013 - by Thomas Attig

I am sure that I am not alone in approaching American Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years with sorrow in my heart over the death of a loved one. I hope these reflections will provide guidance for reaching through the sorrows of loss in the coming season. During the holidays, the pain of separation from loved ones who have died can become acute and preoccupying. Many will feel especially distant from others when the world is caught up in material consumption and merriment. It’s hard not to resent life in the world around us going on as if nothing has happened […]

The Fall Season: Creating New Traditions Among the Old

Posted on October 12, 2013 - by Linda Triplett

I am sitting at my desk looking outside at the glorious blue sky and just a tinge of color change in the leaves. The weekend was one of brisk cool air, the smell of bonfires in the neighborhood, and of mums replacing the petunias that are now stringy and overgrown. I am entering my 16th fall season without my son, Adam. Truthfully I don’t remember much of the first, or the second ones. My mind was numb, my heart hurt and it was enough to make it through each day let alone noticing what was going on in the world […]

The Good Fairy isn’t Coming and Recovering from Grief is Up to You

Posted on October 11, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

My mother had a saying and used it often: The good fairy isn’t coming. This saying applied to many aspects of life. She would say it before starting a task, such as cleaning the house or going to the grocery store. When my mother said the good fairy wasn’t coming she was implying — and showing — that I was responsible for myself. I learned this lesson in childhood and have lived it many times. In 2007, after my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law all died, my mother’s saying came to mind. Coping with grief was up to me, […]

Child-Loss Journey is Easier When Sharing with Others

Posted on October 11, 2013 - by Shelley Ramsey

When a husband loses his wife, they call him a widower. When a wife loses her husband, they call her a widow. And when somebody’s parents die, they call them an orphan. But there is no name for a parent, a grieving mother or a devastated father, who has lost their child. Because the pain behind the loss is so immeasurable and unbearable that it cannot be described in a single word. It just cannot be described. —Bhavya Kaushik, The Other Side of the Bed Each of the cards, notes, and e-mails that arrived following Joseph’s homegoing was cherished, but […]

Celebrating a Daughter’s 30th Birthday, Without Her

Posted on October 9, 2013 - by Kimberly Wencl

I breathe a sigh of relief today… as I write this it is the last day of September, 2013. I love the September weather and the move to Fall. But it is a month full of emotions — good and painful. My daughter, Liz, would have turned the big 30 on September 12th. What haunts me most is that I long to know what the story of her life would look like at 30. What career would she have? Would she have found someone to share her life with? Would I be a Grandmother? In my mind, Liz will always […]

Death of a Loved One: ‘Getting Over It’ Not an Option

Posted on October 8, 2013 - by Michael Nunley

Recently, I was honored to be asked to sing at a balloon release for The Compassionate Friends in Frankfort, Kentucky. We have a lovely little memory garden in a park near my home. Surrounding a central bronze statue of children at play is a circle paved with bricks. Those bricks are inscribed with the names of loved ones who have moved into the next life. One of them has my sister Cyndy’s name on it. Outside that circle are benches and rocks large enough to sit quietly listening to the sound of the nearby stream. Each year, new bricks are […]

Something’s Not Right: Remembering a Husband Near the End

Posted on October 7, 2013 - by Diane Dettmann

During our twenty-eight years of marriage, whether we drove to a northern Minnesota resort for a weekend, canoed on a Boundary Water lake or flew to a faraway city, my husband John and I, enjoyed sharing time together. In 1999, when we flew to Carmel, California, where we spent our honeymoon in 1972, I never imagined less than a year later, John would be gone. While enjoying one of our favorite beaches along the central coast, I had a feeling something wasn’t quite right, but couldn’t or didn’t want to see it. As I caught my breath after a jog […]