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In Bereavement, Differences Matter

Posted on November 5, 2013 - by Marty Tousley

Ultimately it is [the] identification, validation, and exploration of their pattern of grief or adaptive grieving styles that grieving individuals will find empowering and that will allow them to deal with that loss on their own terms, with their own unique strengths. ~ Kenneth J. Doka, PhD In their book Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding the Ways Men and Women Mourn, professors Kenneth Doka and Terry Martin challenge the notion that everyone experiences grief and mourning in exactly the same way, regardless of gender. The authors suggest instead that differing personality patterns will affect how each person individually expresses, experiences and deals with […]

The Lighter Side of Bereavement: Cartoonists, Comedians on Death and Dying

Posted on November 5, 2013 - by Allen Klein

Death, dying and bereavement is not funny. Still comedians, cartoonists, and cinematographers show us that it is possible to laugh during times of loss and provide. As Bob Mankoff, the cartoon editor of the New Yorker, says, laughter is like “a little anesthesia of the heart.” In seeing demise through humorous eyes, their funny creations not only help us get a different perspective on somber situations but also help us get the upper hand on the inevitable. Cartoonists Currently, cute little cartoon characters are singing and dancing about death in an extremely popular public service announcement promotes rail safety. “Dumb […]

The Irreverent Widow, Sandi Amorello on Young Widows with Kids in Tow

Posted on November 3, 2013 - by Nancy Gershman, LMSW

What the bereavement support group dress code should be and why widows often say they’ve “thrown out the rule book”: this and more when memory artist Nancy Gershman talks to Sandi Amorello, humorist, artist, and author of The Irreverent Widow: Shockingly true tales of love, death and dating…with children in tow. Sandi is also founder of Girl Scout Dropout, (a membership-based alliance whose uplifting motto to women enduring challenges is ‘More support than an underwire bra’). To connect to other smart, rebellious, witty women averse to uniforms and support groups, make sure to visit sandiamorello.com. The humor gene: are you one of the Haves or […]

Anticipatory Grief and its Power

Posted on October 31, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

I was my mother’s family caregiver for nine years. She had dementia and, day by day, I witnessed her decline. My mother seemed to be dying right before my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it. Being her caregiver sparked an interest in anticipatory grief, a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs, and I studied it for a dozen years. After my mother died I wrote a book about anticipatory grief. Dr. Lois Krahn, a Mayo Clinic psychiatrist, was my co-author. A year after the book came out Dr. Krahn called me. “Before […]

The Search For Spirit During Our Grief Journeys

Posted on October 30, 2013 - by David Roberts

A Brand New World I don’t operate under the same rules or beliefs that I did over ten years ago. I don’t think I would have thrived today if I did not make a conscious effort to look at the world differently . It took a catastrophic event to challenge my perspective on life and to eventually transform my perspective. It would be desirable for transformation to occur during times when life was treating us well. However, when things are going smoothly, there is no motivation to change our perspective. It is usually a severe shock to our system that […]

Mom Wears a Mask on Halloween

Posted on October 28, 2013 - by Sandy Fox

Monday is Halloween, and although we do not celebrate it like we did when my daughter Marcy was alive and young enough to enjoy the night, we still answer the door to the goblins and fairy princesses from our neighborhood. “How pretty you look,” I say to the young children wearing long princess dresses. “And how scary you look,” I tell the young boys who have on evil masks they hope will scare everyone. We have spooky music playing through the intercom when they ring the bell. We used to do that with Marcy’s friends especially. Most of the very little […]

Enjoying the Holidays … Differently

Posted on October 26, 2013 - by Chris Mulligan

By Chris Mulligan — It’s time to party! the television advertisements say this time of year. Party? How could I party when some days I did not even want to get out of bed? I did not want to go to work. I did not want to confront my day. How could I party when I could not even look at my face to put on a happy one? Getting through one’s days are difficult at best after the death of a child, but enduring the holiday season seems almost impossible to surmount. Depending upon the length of time in […]

Accepting What We Cannot Change

Posted on October 24, 2013 - by Donna Miesbach

Life is very much a continual weaning process. We come into the world dependent on other people, but over the course of time we are forced more and more to rely not so much on others as on That which is within us which is both our Source and Sustainer. I’m talking about learning to put your hand in the only Hand that can lead you not only through life but through death as well. The process begins when death first comes into our lives as children through the gradual loss of family and friends, and it does not end […]

Twelve Things to Remember about the Holidays and Grief

Posted on October 23, 2013 - by Deb Kosmer

1. That I could not predict how I would feel or react at any given moment. 2. That as much as I missed my loved ones I would miss them even more during the holidays. 3. That my feelings were normal. 4. That I have a right to be sad. Someone I loved very much was no longer here where I could touch them. If I am angry that is okay too. Anger is a natural reaction to pain. 5. That taking care of myself and doing or not doing whatever I decided did not make me a selfish person. […]

Don’t Believe One Widow’s Experience Will be the Same as Yours

Posted on October 23, 2013 - by Catherine Tidd

You know…I always hesitate before I write about something hard I’m going through. There is always a fear that a new widow will read it and think, “My gosh…I’m just trying to get through today. This woman has been at it for almost four years and she’s still having a hard time???” I’m always worried about it because when I was newly widowed, I became friends with a woman I had an instant connection with who was about a year ahead of me in the Grief Game. As I neared my one-year mark, so proud of myself that I had […]