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How ‘Doing Nothing’ Can Be the Way to Survive a Loss

Posted on October 7, 2012 - by Katherine Ingram

When I was a little girl, I loved searching for caterpillars on the milkweed plants that grew in abundance around our house. I would pluck one from the underside of a leaf and place it in my hand, stroking its smooth body with a tentative finger, carefully carrying it home in cupped hands to be re-homed in a mayonnaise jar, along with a stick and some leaves. I’d poke holes in the lid and then run out to the garage every day and check to see if the black and yellow striped creature had cocooned itself. When at last it […]

Mother’s Terminal Diagnosis Teaching Daughter to ‘Live While Dying’

Posted on October 3, 2012 - by Nina Bennett

When my father died unexpectedly and traumatically, my brother and I entertained a philosophical discussion on whether it’s easier for family members if death is sudden or if it is anticipated. At the time, we agreed that while we would wish a swift death for the sake of our parents, we would prefer to have the gift of time, to be able to converse openly about their wishes, and to mine their memory for family history. You may have heard the cliché “be careful what you wish for.” Here I am, 5 years after my father’s death, facing my mother’s. […]

A Widow Ponders Beginnings, Endings, and Middles

Posted on October 2, 2012 - by Christine Thiele

We all have gifts and challenges. Some of us are better at beginnings, some better at middles and some are better at the end. I am better at middles. I love the comfort of knowing things are how they are and that routine and ritual work. I do appreciate the excitement and exhilaration of beginnings and ends, but can’t live there all the time. It’s probably why my children were happy toddlers. I am very good at setting up structure, transition time and being there for people. I am reliable and responsible…probably to a toxic level for myself…attributes I assume […]

Mindfulness is a Way to Cope with Grief

Posted on October 1, 2012 - by Harriet Hodgson

“Crisis impacts your writing,” the author said. “I wrote some of my best stuff when I was in crisis.” Though I had never met this local author before, I felt connected to her. Both of us were freelancers and both of us had experienced crisis. During our conversation, we agreed that crisis made us more appreciative of family, friends, and the blessings in our lives. The memory of this conversation was tucked away in the back of my mind until 2007, when I lost my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law. My grief was raw and so were my emotions. […]

Missing a Son During his Birthday Season

Posted on September 30, 2012 - by Jean Williams

As I planted my veggie seeds last spring, I sensed a joy to bring in new life. As I now tear down my garden, I am relieved the work is almost done. I sense a sadness. Why? you may ask. So close to the birthday of my deceased son, Joshua. It’s a very hard season indeed. I am still here. I walk this earth. I work and work to fill my mind and heart with the good that God has allowed me to have. I share my life with others in hopes it may help in some small way, and I’m […]

Three Years into Widowhood, Embracing a Birthday

Posted on September 30, 2012 - by Brandi Reyna

“Hope your birthday is a good chance to see how far you have come, and look ahead to what the next year might be too!” ~Robin In September, I turned 28 years old. My birthday weekend was unlike the previous two. In 2010, my birthday was six months and a week after losing Greg. I really don’t remember that birthday much. I remember having dinner with my mom and a few people who were my friends at the time. I remember being overwhelmed trying to manage everything and be the “hostess” and try to “have it all together,” trying to make […]

Dealing with Traumatic Anniversaries

Posted on September 29, 2012 - by Barbara Rubel

Do you remember where you were when you heard the news that America was attacked by terrorists? Earlier generations knew where they were when FDR gave his D-Day speech and President Kennedy was assassinated. Millions of people were intimately affected as their safe world was shattered on September 11th. I was teaching a Masters course titled, “Crisis Intervention” in New York City university. How could I possibly teach students about crisis when they were personally living through one? As I reflect on that time, my heart still aches for those who perished and for their families and friends, who still […]

Twin-Loss: Healing Memory of Early Twinship

Posted on September 29, 2012 - by Mary R. Morgan

Mother announces, “School’s out. It’s time you two had your own gardens. No more family victory garden like we had in Washington. You are old enough to grow your own vegetables. We can eat them at home or maybe if they are really nice, you can try to sell them to your Grandmother and Grandfather.” She stops for a moment and then says, “You should have seen the vegetables we grew when I was little, and the eggs from our chickens we would try to sell to Granny and Granpop Clark.” Our eyes widen at the thought of making some […]

Finding Your ‘Essential Self’ after a Loss or Life-Changing Event

Posted on September 26, 2012 - by Harriet Hodgson

Yesterday, I finished reading “Finding Your Own North Star” by therapist Martha Beck, PhD. I bought the book because it looked empowering and this proved to be true. In fact, the entire book is about personal empowerment and building a new life after a “cataclysmic event.” During this time we are stressed and have to let go. If you identified yourself with your job and lose it, Beck explains, your identity shifts. According to Beck, each person’s essential self is determined before birth. As she writes, “You are designed with the ability to find the life you were meant to […]

September 25: Day of Remembrance for Murder Victims

Posted on September 25, 2012 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

September 25th is the national day of remembrance for all murdered victims. This year will mark the fifth year of a national day of remembrance to those victims our nation lost to murder. Communities across the nation will hold services throughout the day to remember loved ones who were murdered. Some will be candlelight vigils, some will have guest speakers and others will have moments of silence. For the families and friends of murdered victims, this day sends a powerful message. Our country cares and will remember those lives cut short. A national day of remembrance also reminds the nation […]