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Nine Gifts from Grief

Posted on December 29, 2011 - by Maureen Hunter

It can be hard to grasp or even accept the idea that there are such things as “grief gifts.” How can we possibly believe that the experience of grief and loss will bestow any such gift? Especially when all we have now is an aching longing for that which is so out of reach. It is not a new concept. History and literature abounds with a similar notion. “In my end is my beginning.” — Mary Queen of Scots “Sadness flies on the wings of the morning. And out of the darkness comes the light” — Jean Giraudoux “Even the […]

Finding Peace in Your Breath this Holiday Season

Posted on December 28, 2011 - by Coralease Ruff

Like many of you, I miss my loved one this holiday season and like many others of you, I am still missing my child, my 21-year-old daughter. When we are grieving, we tend to hold our breath or take rapid shallow breaths. Additionally, our bodies secrete the stress hormone, and when the stress is elevated over time, as it is in grief, the immune system is compromised. This increases our susceptibility to colds, flu, and other illnesses. Add to our grief the busyness of the holiday season and we experience a double whammy. In our busy lives, intentional breathing can […]

A New Answer to the Question, ‘How are You?’

Posted on December 27, 2011 - by Harriet Hodgson

“How are you?” became a dreaded question. Four family members, my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law, died in 2007. My daughter and former son-in-law died from the injuries they received in separate car crashes. Family members and friends couldn’t believe the story and I couldn’t either. Suddenly, our twin grandchildren were orphans and my husband and I were GRGs, grandparents raising grandchildren. Recovering from multiple losses takes longer than recovering from one. As I discovered, your emotions bounce around a lot and you may go backwards on the recovery path. When I looked for information about multiple losses on […]

The Gift of the Blanket

Posted on December 25, 2011 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

When my son was born, over thirty three years ago, I received a beautiful handmade blanket for him. I remember the day I received the blanket. My sister, Sandra, handed me the wrapped box. I carefully unwrapped the box, lifted the lid and slowly folded the tissue paper back. There, in the box, was the beautiful hand knit blanket. As I looked at the blanket, Sandra exclaimed, “I made it!” I must have looked at her questioningly, because again she exclaimed, “I made it, really, I made it!” Sandra, who was murdered two years ago, wasn’t known for her domestic abilities, especially […]

A Special Ornament

Posted on December 24, 2011 - by Kim Meredith

The four-inch light blue glass ball is always the initial ornament placed on our annual family Christmas tree. For our first Yuletide Season together, my new husband David and I travelled to my childhood home in upstate New York to be with family. We saved the money that we would have spent on a tree, and instead we used the fund for gas and presents. As a compromise, we trimmed a scrawny, potted Norfolk spruce that already filled an empty corner in our sparsely decorated first apartment. The special, delicate ball with the white handpainted message “David 1948” represented all […]

Heavenly Peace: How One Man’s Grief Journey has Taught Him Well

Posted on December 23, 2011 - by Ron Villano

My holiday season has begun with another lesson learned along my Grief Journey. It comes with the passing of one of my friends who has done the billing in my Family & Personal Counseling practice. Diana Hogan reminded me of my Aunt Rose, whom we also lost to cancer. For the first time in awhile, I was really shaken up going to the funeral home to pay my respects. Not only were powerful memories triggered (of my son, Michael, and Aunt Rose), but it seemed like I was falling back in time to some of the dark days of facing […]

Christmas Grief: Tips for Enduring After a Child’s Death

Posted on December 21, 2011 - by Chris Mulligan

Anniversaries, birthdays, special memories and holidays intensify the pain after the death of a child. And although we may have discovered daily tools to help guide our everyday grief, December seems to require special tips and ideas to navigate the days leading up to the holiday dates. The following are some helpful ideas I have compiled over the years from my own history and from those shared by other bereaved parents. These ideas seem to follow the categories of Self Care, Traditions and Honoring Your Child. Self Care • Accept support • Allow/ask others to help with Christmas tasks (card […]

A Skeptic’s Journey Through Grief

Posted on December 20, 2011 - by Elisa Medhus

As a physician with a strong science background, I used to regard all things spiritual with a jaded eye—until the recent suicide of my young son, Erik. Since then, my life has been cleaved into two parts: The Before and The After, The Bliss and The Dark Despair. Everyone deals with grief differently. I heal best by journaling my thoughts in a way that helps others. So once I was able to wipe away my tears and crawl out of bed, I began to write a blog: www.channelingerik.com. At first, I shared my grief, pouring my broken heart onto every […]

Like a Three-Legged Dog: Adapt and Survive

Posted on December 19, 2011 - by Rob Anderson

My niece’s husband’s brother (got that) has a dog named Samson; he’s an enthusiastic, loving dog. Samson has only three legs. I don’t know the story behind the loss of his right front leg, but I do know he was born with four legs and lost one to an injury. Quite the fork in the road for Samson. Since we can’t understand how dogs rationalize, problem-solve on an intellectual level, or speak to their owners as to how to help them, Samson had to adapt to his new world on his own. His out of balance world provided quite a […]

Couple Use Last Six Months to Express Their Love

Posted on December 18, 2011 - by Stan Goldberg

I would sit for long periods with Jim in his kitchen when Lisa slept. He was a large man who had laid bricks his entire life, until he retired, five years before Lisa received a terminal prognosis of congestive heart failure. Unlike her husband, Lisa was very small, and, in the words of Jim, “the disease shrank her to the size of a tiny bird.” “Neither of us is into the touchy-feely stuff,” Jim said to me one day. “Lisa and I have been married for almost fifty years. Before we knew she was dying, I don’t remember the last […]