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The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Posted on November 15, 2011 - by Carla Blowey

Few of us are ready to assume the position and the responsibility that comes with our new role in the family when a parent dies, no matter what our age. My mother died of ovarian cancer, when I was a young mother. I assumed Mom’s holiday rituals and family duties because I thought she would have expected that of me. I really didn’t want to be in charge (the men in my family would protest but it‘s true). If life could have been normal again with Mom at the wheel driving us into that celebration frenzy that only she could […]

How Can I Be a Compassionate Caretaker?

Posted on November 14, 2011 - by Stan Goldberg

If you are not already a caregiver for someone with a chronic or terminal illness, statistics say you will be. It’s estimated that there are at least 45 million family caregivers in the United States and that number will keep rising as people live longer. You should assume that at least once in your life, you will be asked or feel obligated to provide care for someone who can no longer care for him or herself. It may be occasional and for a short period of time, or constant and last for years. The question asked by millions every day […]

Aftershock of a Murder

Posted on November 13, 2011 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

It will soon be 26 months since my beautiful sister, Sandra, lost her life by the hands of a murderer. I think back on the last 26 months and all that happened, all I learned. I often described those months as a rollercoaster. Emotions and feelings were up and down, up and down. Lately, I’ve likened the experience to a personal earthquake. The day I learned of my sister’s death it did feel like an earthquake. The epi center of that quake was my core, my being. I was thrown off center, suddenly. Month after month, I felt off kilter, […]

Celebrating the Birth of Triplets While Mourning Dad’s Suicide

Posted on November 12, 2011 - by Barbara Rubel

I wish you could have been there . . . It was quite a sight. Three infant car seats with tiny faces and six wiggling hands and feet. We were going home, but my father would not be there to greet us. I had spent the last four weeks of my pregnancy in the hospital, and, during that time, my loving dad had died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. He was gone, and I had three children to love. Although I had complete bed rest throughout my pregnancy, I irrationally felt guilty after his death because I […]

What Does An Angel Look Like?

Posted on November 11, 2011 - by Marcia Gaddis

A client made a personal visit to my husband’s office the other day. She had never met his assistant and while talking privately in his office, complimented her happy, helpful spirit and said, “In my mind I had not pictured her to be so joy-filled. I love being around her.” His response was a question: “Well, what does an angel look like?” I have thought about that question, certainly affirming that yes, an angel looks just like his assistant. She daily offers support and encouragement to those around her. She often brings good news and steps in to correct or […]

Death of Spouse Prompts Re-assessment of Life

Posted on November 10, 2011 - by Catherine Tidd

I read something recently that I wanted to share with you that I think articulates part of the miracle…yes, I did say miracle…of loss. Not the loss itself, of course…but what our (dare I say) rebirth when it happens. Mark Mettousek said: “It seems perverse that authenticity should stem from loss. The outline cracks, you split apart, half of you is left stranded on an iceberg floating into the chilly distance. You’re suspended in partiality, cut off from who you thought you were. This is when questioning starts, that’s the truth – when you can’t put yourself back together again, […]

Chanel No. 5: Bringing Wife’s Memory Alive

Posted on November 9, 2011 - by Richard Ballo

Chanel No. 5. It is a perfume name that I know. I can’t recall what it smells likes, yet I was married to a woman who wore it. I can recall the woman: her smile, her laugh, her facial expressions, and the way she looked at me. I have a small bottle of Channel No. 5 that I have keep. In the early years of my widowhood, I would remove the top and bring the bottle just under my nose and inhale. Then a miracle happened. She was alive: the feel of her hand on my hand, the sound of […]

Fear of Death Can Prevent Some From Seeking Medical Care

Posted on November 8, 2011 - by Kathryn Williams Raths

For some people, a loss brings an awareness of the fragility of one’s own life. During the bereavement process, the loss can magnify the anxieties and fear of death. If you are embracing this mind-set, long-term, it can become toxic to your health. It is critical to overcome such thinking to enable you to live a life full of rich health. There are many people in my life who are stuck in this mode of thinking. Their fear has caused them pain and discomfort on a daily basis because they will not risk any type of medical treatment. The anxiety of an […]

Nephew Has Special Bond With Deceased Uncle

Posted on November 7, 2011 - by Carol Loehr

We all use our minds to try to understand why our children died. I am no different; when our son Keith died, I continued to ask that endless question—Why? Throughout my pursuit for answers, my niece Juli and her son Cody helped me realize that maybe I was not looking at all possibilities—just maybe I would have to go beyond my own realm of understanding. As Juli shared some of Cody’s spiritual experiences with me, I found it would take a child to help me break through the spiritual barriers that I, as an adult, had created. Cody was […]

Is There a Place at Holiday Table for the Griever?

Posted on November 6, 2011 - by Deb Kosmer

It’s that time of year again. The holiday season, a time of rejoicing, celebration. First there’s Thanksgiving, followed by Christmas, Hanukah, and New Years. But what if I’m not thankful and don’t want to celebrate? What if I am sadder than I have ever been? What if I am pissed as hell? And what if I feel guilty… guilty for living when someone I loved died…guilty for failing them? What if I feel guilty because I’m relieved… that it’s finally over? Is there still a place at the table for me? What if I don’t want to bow my head and […]