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How ‘Forced Change’ Healed My Life

Posted on June 11, 2011 - by Ron Villano

Have you been forced out of a job? Are you facing a health issue? Are you a victim of a crime? Have you lost a loved one unexpectedly? Then you know that forced change embraces your life in an instant. And that is where my message starts. I experienced “forced change” when my 17-year old son, Michael, died in an auto accident. But, years later, I now see that losing Michael wasn’t the only reason my life hit rock bottom. I wound up down there because the forced change took hold of me and began to drag me down. Naturally, […]

Yes, You Will Laugh Again

Posted on June 9, 2011 - by Cathy Seehuetter

At the opening ceremony of TCF’s National Conference held in 2003, Maria Housden, author of the marvelous book, Hannah’s Gift, was the featured speaker. She began by telling how that morning she had conversed with a man she met on the elevator. When he asked her why she was staying in Atlanta she told him that she was there as a speaker for The Compassionate Friends, a organization offering support and hope for parents, siblings and grandparents who had suffered the death of a child. As oftentimes happens when hearing what TCF is, the man suddenly was at a loss […]

Animal Energies Help Make Sense of Grief Process

Posted on June 8, 2011 - by David Roberts

Since my daughter Jeannine’s death over eight years ago, I learned that the only thing I could control was the present. Doing this made it easier to allow the universe to take care of my future. However, I have recently begun to discover the role of the past in enhancing my quality of life in the present and…future. During a trip to Long Island last year, I was introduced to the power of animal medicine. The lessons that animals teach us is beautifully described in the book, Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways of Animals, by Jamie […]

In Widow’s World, Living With Purpose is Hard

Posted on June 7, 2011 - by Christine Thiele

I was really good at living with intention before my husband died. I was good about doing things with good reason and being thoughtful, even purposeful, about what I did and how I did it. I had the luxury of more time to think through my decisions and even more important I think, I had someone to share those decisions, reasons, and purpose with. I think for me, it felt more intentional with a witness near. Since widowhood began, I have been through many phases, stages, whatever we might call them. One of the stages I have the most difficulty […]

Recipes Link Her to Mother-in-Law, Memories

Posted on June 6, 2011 - by Harriet Hodgson

After my mother-in-law died, I received her copy of The Boston Cooking School Cook Book by Fannie Merritt Farmer. No other family members wanted the book, which surprised me, so it became mine. Over the years, she used the book as a file, and tucked clippings and recipe booklets in its pages. She also added notes to recipes. On the first page, a blank, there’s a handwritten recipe for brownies. According to my mother-in-law, the recipe came from a friend in Lima, Peru. During World War II, my father-in-law was a staff physician at the British American Hospital there. The […]

Grieving with my twin

Posted on June 5, 2011 - by admin

My name is Lori, and I have an identical twin sister named Lisa. When we were just 16 years old, due to medical problems, Lisa was told she would never have her own children. Through a miracle, she became pregnant and had a beautiful son named Jacob. Lisa was a single mom and I had not had any of my children yet, to I was her labor coach and of course, Jake was like one of my own children. I had my firstborn a year later; a daughter, and she and Jacob were like siblings. I then went on to […]

In Grief, Words Matter

Posted on June 5, 2011 - by Deb Kosmer

In grief, many words are bandied about: denial, acceptance, healing, closure, forget, move on, recover, acknowledge, anger, and guilt. These words are thrown at us, sometimes in our face, by others. These others may mean well, but their effect is usually the opposite. These others are often just misinformed individuals, trying to help. They don’t realize that the only help we are interested in is the return of our loved one, an impossibility. At times, we may use these words ourselves, as we struggle to make sense and order out of the place we are now in. When my son […]

‘Shoot Me, Please’: The Right to Die

Posted on June 3, 2011 - by Stan Goldberg

He pleaded with me to shoot him and the request wasn’t figurative. He was my first patient as a hospice volunteer in San Francisco. That moment, eight years ago, still haunts me. Not because I was confronted with a real life decision of immense consequences, but rather because I knew that I couldn’t honor his request, nor relieve the enormous psychological pain he was enduring—one that lasted for the next few months until he died. It was the first and only time I was so directly confronted by the issue of a person’s right to die—from the person who wanted […]

‘Heartbreaking Events Followed by Extreme Growth’

Posted on June 2, 2011 - by Vicky Bates

Why us? There seems to be an invisible cord that connects parents who have lost children. I can’t tell you how many times I’ll be in line at the post office or in a store and someone will mention to their friend about the child they lost. The other day I was at the grocery store and the checker was asking the woman in front of me how she was doing, referring to a loss. It turned out she lost a child. The woman behind me said I know how she feels, five years ago she lost a child. Wow, […]

Death Anniversary Dates Can Carry Heavy Weight

Posted on June 1, 2011 - by Kathryn Williams Raths

Dates come and go, but certain ones stick out and carry a dark and heavy weight. The energy of these particular dates are associated with a loss. This anniversary date forces you into a time warp charged with painful memories of the horrid event. How can you free yourself from this emotionally exhaustive annual pain? Start by marking the date with a new and positive tradition. Perhaps if your father passed through VA hospice (like mine), make it an annual tradition to visit a veteran (someone who is grateful for your time). This might be difficult at first because […]