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Respecting Boundaries When Comforting a Grieving Heart

Posted on August 28, 2010 - by Kelly Buckley

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. – Henri […]

Shhhh…Listen Closely. It’s the Sound of Someone Healing

Posted on August 27, 2010 - by Catherine Tidd

I always thought that going through a profound loss would make someone an expert on loss. I mean, we always work with what we know, right? You would think after experiencing the death of my husband that I would be one of those people who knew what to say when someone else was going through something similar. That I would have some magical words of comfort. That I would finally know the secret handshake that gets you into the National Grievers Society and thereby bestows upon you everything you need to know about healing others. That I wouldn’t be as […]

Loss of Husband Makes Life Doubly Hard

Posted on August 26, 2010 - by Christine Thiele

When you’re a couple in a family, there are things that are no brainers. Who will run to the grocery store, who will pick up the kids, who will help with the kids’ outings and clubs? There are two of you. Together, you can divide and conquer. When one of the two is dying, you can prepare for many things. But you can’t prepare for the small stuff, the little daily things that together you handled, handled even joyfully: those little no brainers. There have been many days that would have been a no brainer since my husband’s death. Just […]

At the Bedside: Perhaps the Hokey Pokey IS What it’s All About

Posted on August 26, 2010 - by Lizzy Miles

It was a Friday night when I received a call from my Uncle Paul who told me that my Aunt Jerry, who had end-stage Alzheimer’s disease, had suffered two seizures and a heart attack and was in the hospital. With her condition, one might have expected that she might have died the next day. She didn’t. She lived through the weekend and was discharged on Sunday on hospice back to Kemper House, the Alzheimer’s facility. Early that week, I was in another room at Kemper House on the phone when I got an urgent call from a cousin. I think […]

Men’s Grief: It’s Time to Get it Out

Posted on August 25, 2010 - by Ron Villano

The emotions of grief are the same for men and women. How and when these emotions surface is what defines each journey. But what I am struck with the most in my practice as a psychotherapist is how powerful this journey is for men. Men fight showing their emotions under normal circumstances. Now, they have to fight to keep a hold of the emotion when the emotions themselves are mostly out of control. Women can and often grieve as a group. They can publicly cry, be angry, sad — and then be happy, joyful, upbeat. And when someone asks them […]

The Importance of Adequate Support for the Bereaved

Posted on August 24, 2010 - by David Roberts

In his book, The Spiritual Lives of Bereaved Parents, Dennis Klass, Ph.D., discusses the importance of bereaved parents maintaining connection with their deceased children in communities that support that connection. Our ability as bereaved parents to access and receive support from other parents who understand our pain is critical to us feeling less isolated in our grief. Adequate support also is crucial in helping us adjust to a world without the physical presence of our children. Soon after my daughter Jeannine died in March of 2003, it was suggested that my wife Cheri (Jeannine’s mom) and I go to a […]

What Seasons Can Teach Us About Loss

Posted on August 23, 2010 - by Tabitha Jayne

Grief is a natural response to the loss of something, so where better to look for understanding about grief and loss than to nature itself? If we look at the seasons, we can gain understanding about how grief affects us and how we can support ourselves as we move through our own seasons of grief. Winter arrives the moment we find out about our loss. Like a blanket of snow the covers the ground, our knowledge that everything has changed stops us in our tracks. This is the time to rest and allow yourself space and time to recover. Just […]

Woman Misses Husband Who Was ‘Finder’ and ‘Keeper’

Posted on August 21, 2010 - by Sandra Pesmen

I always used to get upset when I lost something. Other people could misplace a key, lose a glove, or forget where they set down their wallet without going nuts. But whenever that happened to me, I went into a panic. I actually felt my blood pressure rise–and who needed that? Fortunately, I was married to a “finder” for 56 years. (Obviously, he also was a “keeper.”) A patient, careful man who always secretly yearned to be a detective, my husband would start at the top of our home and search every corner until he exclaimed with great satisfaction “I’ve […]

One Mother’s Grief Journey

Posted on August 20, 2010 - by Amy C. Maddocks

I lost my son, Connor, on January 3rd, 2007—the day my world came crashing down. I had waited 17 years for my miracle number two, as I wasn’t supposed to be able to ever have children again. Even my daughter, born in 1989, was a miracle. Now my son was being taken away from me. Connor was only three days old when he got an infection in his lungs that ultimately took his life. My husband and I were able to hold him while he took his last breaths. The doctors and nurses that had so valiantly tried to save […]

Laughter is Key to Grief Recovery

Posted on August 20, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Humans were meant to laugh. The ability to laugh is wired into our minds, and that is a good thing for all who mourn. Four of my loved ones, including my elder daughter, died in 2007, and I thought I would never laugh again. As the months passed, however, my humor slowly returned. Laughing helped me cope with multiple losses. “I think my zany New York sense of humor is going to save me,” I told my husband. In the early stages of grief, my laughter was as rusty as an old hinge. If I laughed unexpectedly, I enjoyed it, […]