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Coming Out of a ‘Cold Winter of Grief’

Posted on March 18, 2010 - by Paul Bennett

For three months this winter, the mid-Atlantic was locked in a hard freeze. The ground was solid, trees bare, and the flower beds were buried under dirt-encrusted snow. Birds were mobbing the feeder out back, and I wondered how they manage to survive weather like that. At this season, in the months after my Bonnie died, the barrenness of the landscape mirrored my inner bleakness. I described that in Loving Grief: When we scattered the ashes, the land was bare and brown and dry and cold. And we ourselves felt bare and cold. We were feeling the death in us, […]

The Road Back from Loss Leads to Grief-Counseling Career

Posted on March 17, 2010 - by Kay Clowney

The road back from any loss is crooked and wide, and sometimes even circular. My experiences as a primary caregiver in my home (with hospice support) with my husband, my father, and my female best friend all affected me in different ways. I’ve read that the depth of grief is equal to the degree and depth of love and caring for that person. I was devastated with the loss of my husband, grieved little for my harsh father, and still long for my friend. Yes, death or other losses can knock us flat on our backs. In my case, it […]

Gaining Control of Your Finances After Spouse-Loss

Posted on March 16, 2010 - by Sandra Pesmen

I’m often invited to financial seminar/dinner meetings for seniors, but I didn’t start attending them until I became a widow. That’s when I realized I must understand exactly how much money I have, what’s happening to it, and how I can make sure it lasts as long as I do. One of the best ways to work through the grief of widowhood is to gain control of your finances. In many cases that helps make you feel “safe” again. Daniel O. Fisher, Certified Senior Adviser, of Wilmette IL, shed light on that subject last week when he presented a talk about […]

Ten Ways to Comfort the Grieving Heart

Posted on March 15, 2010 - by Kelly Buckley

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. ~Author Unknown I’ve been thinking about all of the different ways I have been comforted over the past eight months since my son, Stephen, died. I have been blessed, and surrounded by so many people who envelope me with love and protect my healing heart. Every day, I am reminded that I am not alone. And, with each reminder, I feel Stephen’s love. It is as if his essence was dispersed across the globe, and different people give me a little piece […]

Prostate Cancer, Research Funding, and Male Vanity

Posted on March 14, 2010 - by Stan Goldberg

As someone who’s living with prostate cancer, I applauded Louis Gossett Jr.’s testimony in Congress on the importance of prostate cancer research funding. If Congress was listening, maybe I’ll live long enough for something else to kill me. But according to the American Cancer Society statistics, I shouldn’t hold my breath. Fifty times more money is spent on research for breast cancer than is spent on prostate cancer. Does that mean there are 50 times more women dying from breast cancer than men dying from prostate cancer? Hardly. Every year 40,000 women die of breast cancer and 34,000 men die […]

Remembering ‘My Sister and My Best Friend’

Posted on March 13, 2010 - by Lyn Prashant

My beloved sister Donna was a gentle, loving, caring soul. She was my trusted confidant, my witness, my cheerleader, and my best friend. She died September 6, 2002, at age 49. Donna was was born three-and-a-half years after me. She was there for me, I for her. We were giddy and vulnerable with each other. I remember walking down the street with her, holding her hand, thinking about how lucky I was to have her as my very own sister. Our commitment and our sense of knowing one another was astounding. A glance into her eyes affirmed my joyous reality: […]

My Daughter Was My Hero

Posted on March 12, 2010 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

My daughter, Katie Brant, was my hero. She was given an overwhelming challenge which she met valiantly, fearlessly and always with a greater good in mind. I witnessed Katie’s bravery early on when she marched down the hallway of Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia toward the gurney for her first brain surgery. She was only 18 years old. As Katie waved goodbye, she told us not to worry because “God wasn’t done with her yet.” Katie was self-possessed, a character strength she consistently exhibited during the many years of daunting treatments, especially after she heard more bad news about her cancer. […]

Crying With My Ancestors

Posted on March 11, 2010 - by Alice Wisler

Sometimes I think you need a little of your own history in order to be able to understand history. I can’t remember never knowing about those relatives. They were on my Grandma Hall’s side, residing on the farm in Amelia County, Virginia. Patsie — we never call her Grandma — would sit at her oak dining room table, framed by the gold wall paper and talk about these people — Nonnie, Lou, Ralph and countless others, all making my head swim with Old Relative Fatigue. Although I had visited the country, fed the cows and had my picture taken in […]

Persistent Dreams in Grief

Posted on March 10, 2010 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: It’s now been six months since my mother died. In many ways it seems like worlds and eons since then, but in some ways not at all. I really miss her and talking to her every few days, as was our old routine. The problem I’m having is that I dream about her almost every night. It’s never the same scenario, except that she’s always sick, like she was toward the end. Sometimes I wake up crying. This has been going on for pretty much the entire time since she died. Is this normal??? I think […]

Prepare Your Response Plan for Grief Triggers

Posted on March 9, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Grief triggers – your deceased loved one’s birthday, the anniversary of your loss, and holiday festivities – are a recovery challenge. How will you respond? Will you continue to move forward with life or will the grief trigger stop you in your tracks? Worse, will you go backwards? I ask these questions when I encounter grief triggers. Tuesday of this week was the third anniversary of my daughter’s death. Though I was not sure how I would respond, I knew the day would be hard. So I pulled myself together, revised my response plan, and used it. First, I looked […]