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Stuffing Emotions Isn’t a Good Grief Strategy

Posted on March 23, 2010 - by Steve Harris

When we’ve lost someone we love, grief is a journey we can’t avoid. But that doesn’t stop many of us (particularly men) from trying. Perhaps we’re afraid that such intense emotions will overwhelm us. Or maybe we hope that if we pretend to be okay, that fantasy will somehow come true. While mourning the loss of my wife, intense waves of sadness would often crash down upon me, threatening to wash me away. A photograph, a song on the radio, a fragrance, a random thought… the triggers were everywhere. I wanted to shelter myself from these emotional tsunamis and I […]

A Fresh Loss, New Lessons

Posted on March 22, 2010 - by Ellen Besso

“There are no random acts…We are all connected…You can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind…” – Mitch Albom It’s true…I feel it, you feel it…we are all connected. As human beings, we feel each other’s pain. Because of this we are able to pull together when necessary, when someone is ill or dying, to show our caring. We can do this in many ways, by sitting with the person, checking in with them by telephone, or by doing the practical things, the small “labors of love” like cooking and laundry. […]

Self-Torture Legacy for Many Grieving Suicide

Posted on March 22, 2010 - by Alex James

Families and loved ones of those who choose to end their own lives are all faced with the unanswerable question, Why? We may assume that for those families where the deceased left a note, the answer to that question is obvious. But in my experience working with the surviving loved ones of suicide, notes usually serve to add to the feelings of failure and guilt. Survivors think they should have known, could have done something, might have prevented it. Self torture is the legacy bestowed on those left to grieve. The suicide of their loved one may be felt as a reflection on them, a sign of […]

Animal-Human Connection Lives on After Death

Posted on March 21, 2010 - by Lizzy Miles

I am a cat-lover, I will admit it. Growing up, I had cats here and there, but my dad was really intolerant of the normal pet things like fleas and “accidents” on the carpets, so I never had a cat for very long. I had one kitten for four days; then he discovered it had fleas, and took it to the vet, and I never saw it again. When I moved to my own place at 20, right away I knew I wanted to get a kitten. One day, my friend Laura called and told me there were kittens at […]

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

Posted on March 20, 2010 - by Mary Zemites

When we suffer the death of someone we love, we experience mental, emotional and physical distress. In this fragile state, it is likely that we will feel resentment, indignation or anger. Sometimes these feelings may be the result of a perceived offense or difference with someone we know. Even, perhaps, with our deceased loved one. During the final stages of my husband’s illness and after his death, I remember being surprised at the support and kindness of many people. Some, I hardly knew. I was also surprised by the absence of support and/or inappropriate remarks made by family and friends. […]

Haiti’s Children Need Emotional Support after Quake

Posted on March 19, 2010 - by Suzy Yehl Marta

As the world pulls together to deliver physical necessities such as food, water and shelter, we must remember to respond to the emotional healing that is needed nationwide in Haiti as well. Following the earthquake, the children will experience post-traumatic stress and they will have deep scars, physically and emotionally, that must be tended to. In the beginning, most children will be in emotional and physical shock. They will be grateful for medical and physical care, they’ll play and act as though nothing of such magnitude occurred; they will be dazed. Until the shock has diminished, they will act like […]

Coming Out of a ‘Cold Winter of Grief’

Posted on March 18, 2010 - by Paul Bennett

For three months this winter, the mid-Atlantic was locked in a hard freeze. The ground was solid, trees bare, and the flower beds were buried under dirt-encrusted snow. Birds were mobbing the feeder out back, and I wondered how they manage to survive weather like that. At this season, in the months after my Bonnie died, the barrenness of the landscape mirrored my inner bleakness. I described that in Loving Grief: When we scattered the ashes, the land was bare and brown and dry and cold. And we ourselves felt bare and cold. We were feeling the death in us, […]

The Road Back from Loss Leads to Grief-Counseling Career

Posted on March 17, 2010 - by Kay Clowney

The road back from any loss is crooked and wide, and sometimes even circular. My experiences as a primary caregiver in my home (with hospice support) with my husband, my father, and my female best friend all affected me in different ways. I’ve read that the depth of grief is equal to the degree and depth of love and caring for that person. I was devastated with the loss of my husband, grieved little for my harsh father, and still long for my friend. Yes, death or other losses can knock us flat on our backs. In my case, it […]

Gaining Control of Your Finances After Spouse-Loss

Posted on March 16, 2010 - by Sandra Pesmen

I’m often invited to financial seminar/dinner meetings for seniors, but I didn’t start attending them until I became a widow. That’s when I realized I must understand exactly how much money I have, what’s happening to it, and how I can make sure it lasts as long as I do. One of the best ways to work through the grief of widowhood is to gain control of your finances. In many cases that helps make you feel “safe” again. Daniel O. Fisher, Certified Senior Adviser, of Wilmette IL, shed light on that subject last week when he presented a talk about […]

Ten Ways to Comfort the Grieving Heart

Posted on March 15, 2010 - by Kelly Buckley

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. ~Author Unknown I’ve been thinking about all of the different ways I have been comforted over the past eight months since my son, Stephen, died. I have been blessed, and surrounded by so many people who envelope me with love and protect my healing heart. Every day, I am reminded that I am not alone. And, with each reminder, I feel Stephen’s love. It is as if his essence was dispersed across the globe, and different people give me a little piece […]