Child-loss is so very devastating. In the beginning, you can find little or no joy. But after several months, I was able to feel some comfort. So I tried to zero in on that and do things that would relive my stress and bring me some comfort. I know my beloved daughter would want that for me.

Today, I had a total Me Day, which I have really needed. I went to have a spa pedicure and manicure. I have always had regular pedicures, but never a spa pedicure. My daughter’s best friend recommended a salon for me. So I woke up today and thought, OK, Louise, go have yourself a Me Day. For anyone one who has never has a spa pedicure, I would highly recommend it.

It was a beautiful shop and they sat me in a high-back chair, turned on the back massager, and placed my feet in a wonderful warm whirlpool bath

I just closed my eyes and could feel the stress leave my body. I felt so much contentment as they massaged my arms and legs and applied the hot parifax wax to my feet. They put wonderful hot towels on my legs, and all I could think to myself was all bereaved parents need to treat themselves to this — and I mean dads too.

There was a husband and wife who came in together, so men do get spa pedicures. I told my husband that next time, he is getting one with me. He hasn’t agreed just yet, but I’m working on that.

The nail lady even hand-drew a pretty design on my two big toes. I felt so good and comforted afterwards. I drove myself to a shoe store and brought two cute sandals, something I have not done in a long time.

My wish for all grieving parents is to be very gentle with yourself and do try to seek out comfort for you and a spa pedicure is a lot healthier than some other choices we can make. After all the sadness, heartache and sorrow we have all been through and are still going through, we at least deserve some relaxation.

Truth be told, I had to push myself to leave the house today to have this done and, of course, even after four years, I still have feelings of guilt. Why should I seek out any kind of comfort or joy with my beloved daughter deceased. If my daughter was still alive, I know without a doubt she would have been there right next to me getting a pedicure. In a way, she was there, for I carry her where ever I go.

Now it is time for you to take your Me Day. Do whatever makes you feel pampered. Wouldn’t our children want this for us?

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Louise Lagerman

Louise Lagerman

Louise is a mother to three: two sons, Eric and James, and her daughter Keren, who died in 2006 at the age of 23. Louise has worked in health care for many years in the geriatric field. She lives with her husband Steven outside of Houston, Texas. A year ago, she created and opened up Grief Support website and message board with friend and fellow bereaved mother Gladis Alcorta. Grief support now has over 500 members who share and depend on each other for support. Her favorite quote is by Jason Reeves, In my own way I take you everywhere I go and it feels like Home.

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