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How to Maintain a Marriage After Child-Loss

Posted on March 3, 2010 - by Sandy Fox

Many couples who have experienced the death of their child may also experience a crisis in their marriage as a result. This untimely event can be an opportunity for growth bringing the two people closer together. The belief that a bereaved couple is doomed to divorce is blown way out of proportion. In fact, a Compassionate Friends survey has indicated that only 4 percent of couples who divorce do so because of the child’s death, that something else was wrong in the relationship before the child died. If the couple has always had a good marriage, typically that marriage will […]

Even the Worst Events Can Lead to Healing

Posted on March 2, 2010 - by Laura Klouzek

The sharp edge of grief came into my life when my son, Lucas, lost his life to cancer. It was a sudden, brief battle for him, and the beginning of a season of life I certainly did not wish to enter. The utter devastation that fills your world when a loved one dies is almost indescribable and for a time, it is also unbearable. Most people traveling this journey of life, death, and grief, just long for the pain to stop. Then we don’t want it to stop, because that will mean we forget, or it will mean we don’t […]

Dinner as a Widow: Don’t Carry Out

Posted on March 1, 2010 - by Sandra Pesmen

After my husband died, I began to eat “carry out dinners.” And I ate them alone, sitting on the couch in the den. Then one night, while I was standing in a Mexican restaurant waiting for my order, the man asked if I wanted the meal for “carry out or eating in.” I looked around and thought, “I deserve to eat in this restaurant with others, even though my husband died.” I said, “IN!” and then I sat down at a table. Other widows I’ve spoken to have had a similar experience. And they agreed that it felt so nice to finally sit down […]

Leaving a Place, Experiencing a Loss

Posted on February 28, 2010 - by Ellen Besso

Grief is multifaceted, and I’ve realised over the years that our society does not acknowledge many of its aspects. Along with profound grief the death of a loved one brings us, we all experience many other types of losses as we go through life. There are small and not so small daily losses. Perhaps our injured knee backtracks after we’ve worked for months to strengthen it; maybe we’ve had intimate relationships end badly; maybe we’re living one lifestyle but longing for another. We may not even realise that these are losses, or we may choose not to acknowledge them. In a […]

The Burden Basket

Posted on February 27, 2010 - by Debra Reagan

Recently, my adventurous younger sister embarked on a trip of the lifetime to hike Mt. Everest. A part of my heart went with her as she carried with her an angel token engraved with my deceased son’s name. She placed his token at a prayer wall on the mountain. My heart was also touched by the spirit of the people who helped carry her supplies on her journey. I listened in awe as she described the conditions these young men endured as they worked to provide for their families. Some carried far more than their own weight up the mountain in […]

Talking With Grandchildren About Loss

Posted on February 27, 2010 - by Gloria Horsley

“Grandma, why are you crying?” This was the question, as a six-year-old, that I remember asking my beloved Grandma Jensen as she cleaned out her attic. Among the treasures we found sorting through the bows and arrows, large magnets, and an ancient violin were a number of pairs of white cotton gloves. My grandmother, being raised in lean times, had learned to deal with lack and thus learned to make soap, bottle and can fruit, and sew her own clothes. “Grandma,” I asked, “what are those white gloves for?” That was when grandma teared up. “Honey,” she said, “they were worn […]

The Weight of Wishing

Posted on February 26, 2010 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

Every once in awhile, I am able to see myself through another person’s eyes. It’s sort of like looking up and seeing an image in a mirror, and then realizing the face that is reflected there is your own. The observations from these unguarded moments usually provide some serious food for thought. Recently I went to see the movie Brothers. I will leave out the movie review, but will tell you that I would probably not have watched this show had I not been with a friend who really wanted to see the film. Brief synopsis: An excellent family man who […]

Skating for Her Mother

Posted on February 25, 2010 - by Pamela Gabbay

When most of us suffer a loss as great as that of a mother, we are left to grieve without the eyes of the world on us. We do not have to temper our emotions because we are in the privacy of our own homes, surrounded by the comfort and warmth of our family and friends. This week as I watched the Olympic ice skating competition, I wondered how Canadian ice skater Joannie Rochette was going to be able to compete with the world watching. Only a few days earlier, her mom died suddenly from a massive heart attack, just […]

Healthy Grief Expression Can Happen in Many Forms

Posted on February 25, 2010 - by Alex James

Many who grieve find it difficult to express how they are feeling. As time passes, the opportunity to talk about their deceased loved one becomes less frequent whilst inside them the need to talk continues. Finding outlets for the feelings, and a way to communicate their experience to others, can be beneficial to the process of grief, and enable others to talk with them more openly. Here are some forms of grief expression: Art Not all of us are artistic, we may say, but what is art but expression? In my experience, art and using colour can enable expression of feeling […]

Hope in Healing After a Mother’s Suicide

Posted on February 24, 2010 - by Nancy Rappaport

It was only in the sanctuary of Dr. Walter’s office that I began to feel safe enough to talk about my mother’s suicide. His voice was calming. It was a relief to talk openly with someone who would listen to my dread. As a troubled teenager, I was stealing things and acting out, and finally I ran away from home to, of all places, my all-girls school, where my principal found me in the morning. That was the last straw in my father’s mind, and he and my stepmother placed a call to Dr. Walter. By listening more than anyone […]