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Handling the Most Haunting Memories

Posted on February 6, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

On a February weekend in 2007, my elder daughter and father-in-law died. Their causes of death were very different. My father-in-law was 98 1/2 years old and had been dwindling for months. His death was anticipated and I had made peace with it. But my daughter’s death from blunt force trauma in a car crash was the worst shock of my life. Surgeons operated on her for 20 hours and could not save her. My daughter was also brain dead. Signing the legal papers to stop life support was an agonizing decision — the stuff of bad memories. Indeed, it […]

What to Say to Children About Death

Posted on February 5, 2010 - by Linda Goldman

Death is a difficult and sensitive topic to discuss with children. So often adults feel at a loss for words. Without knowing what to say or how to say it, many parents and professionals avoid children’s questions. Some refuse to respond at all. Eight-year-old Alice explained a disturbing event. She told her teacher about her dad’s death during the very first week of school. Her teacher never said a word. Infuriated and saddened, Alice asked over and over, “Why didn’t my teacher ever say anything back?” Often girls and boys share how angry and alone they feel at being dismissed […]

‘I Buy Myself a Dozen Cream Roses’

Posted on February 4, 2010 - by Audrey Stringer

That first Valentine’s Day after Rhod died was very difficult for me. This had been our special day and now he was gone. He died on Feb 6, 1999, and eight days later it was Valentine’s Day! I was angry! I was sad. I was lonely. In our 30 years together, Rhod always showered me with gifts and little surprises. On one occasion, he gave me a toy shaped like a heart with diamond earrings attached to it. Every year, he gave me a gigantic card with beautiful words along with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s day. After […]

Spending Valentine’s Day in the Saint’s Birthplace

Posted on February 3, 2010 - by Reg Green

My memory of Valentine’s Day is spending it among the art treasures and history of St. Valentine’s birthplace, Terni, in central Italy. It was just a few months after our seven-year-old son, Nicholas, had been shot in a botched car-jacking attempt while we were driving to Sicily on vacation. We had donated his organs and corneas to seven Italians, four of them teenagers. The organizers of our visit wanted to honor the power of love and chose to see it in our story. The ceremony was held in a packed hall and, whenever Nicholas was mentioned, there was total, almost […]

For Widow, Valentine’s Day has Evolved

Posted on February 2, 2010 - by Katy Hutchison

Over the years, my experience around Valentine’s Day has softened and shifted focus. The first year after my husband’s death, I wanted to crawl in a hole the minute I saw that first red and pink heart-shaped display in the grocery store. On February 14th, I didn’t answer my phone and avoided the efforts of well-meaning friends and family to “get me through” the day. I had every reason to wallow in sadness, and I took the opportunity to feel the pain of my loss head-on. The next year, I managed to create a space for myself to privately remember […]

Is it Time for a New Version of Your Grief Story?

Posted on January 31, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Oprah has one of the top shows on television, but I rarely have time to see it. Last week, however, I watched part of Oprah’s interview with Rosie O’Donnell. For decades, Rosie had been portraying herself as a child whose mother died when she was in fifth grade. Rosie’s former partner asked her if it was time to tell a different story – the story of a loving mother of four children. Rosie agreed that time had come. After the interview I thought about my own story of multiple losses. Would I always be seen as a bereaved person? Could […]

Grieving by Gardening: A Harvest of Hope

Posted on January 30, 2010 - by Robert Zucker

We often think of grieving as something that happens to us. But have you thought lately about how you grieve by doing? There may be some particular things that you’ve been doing that have been helpful and healing on your grief journey. For instance, I remember talking to a woman after her mother died. She told me how worried she was about her father because he wasn’t expressing any grief. Her parents, she explained, were very close and always did everything together. Everyone always said they were like two peas in a pod. She could only imagine how devastated her […]

Poem: All Over Again

Posted on January 29, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

Traveling backward in my mind High on top of a mountain Kissing with tears in our eyes Life together had just begun. Traveling backward in my mind The many roads we’ve traveled Two hearts beating as one Never, ever to be undone. Traveling forward in my mind Always brings me full circle Knowing one day life will end But, a new one will begin. Traveling forward in my mind I’ll start all over again. With you, the love of my life My Best Friend. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, “36 Days Apart” Copyright© 2010 http://www.deborahtornillo.com http://www.authorsden.com/dtornillo

Grief and Joy

Posted on January 29, 2010 - by Art & Allison Daily

When I think of grieving, I think of pain and sadness. I think of my stomach in knots, tears flowing uncontrollably and a broken heart. Joy has no place in grief at first glance. To me, grief is like a precious vase or plate that shatters into pieces. You look at all of your feelings and pieces of love and wonder how you can ever repair it—it feels destroyed. Life isn’t perfect and we will all experience loss and grief. It is something we all will share at some time or another. For some of us, it may be an […]

Do I Ever Stop Being a Bereaved Parent?

Posted on January 29, 2010 - by David Roberts

I was asked by a friend of mine if we ever stop being bereaved parents. My friend is also a bereaved parent. It was an interesting question, because approximately two years after my daughter Jeannine died, I decided that I didn’t want to be a bereaved parent anymore. The daily pain and suffering became too much for me. I wanted my life to be the way it was before Jeannine died. I stopped going to my parental bereavement support group and tried to not think about the pain of losing my precious daughter. I became more miserable as a result […]