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How ‘Surrender’ May Help You Recover

Posted on January 27, 2010 - by Ellen Gerst

Webster’s Definition of Surrender: To give oneself over to something (as an influence); to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another. Synonym: Relinquish — give up; to withdraw or retreat. Sometimes grief is so painful and your loss so deep that you might want to surrender to your darkest emotions, but society tells you “you must be strong.” What if society’s definitions of weak and strong are incorrect? What if being stoic or strong is really weak because it avoids dealing with one’s true emotions? What if surrendering to how you really feel is the […]

Poem: Forgive Me

Posted on January 26, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

You were tired Daddy, Weren’t you? Forgive me for insisting, You keep moving. You were tired Daddy When I asked you Are you dying? You answered with a smile. You were tired Daddy When my sister asked you Daddy, are you dying? Softening the blow, with a no. You were tired Daddy When I held your hand I squeezed, you tried Forgive me, you were tired. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, 36 Days Apart Copyright© 2010 http://www.deborahtornillo.com

Dying Stands Logic on its Head

Posted on January 26, 2010 - by Stan Goldberg

We often harshly judge behaviors we don’t understand. They can involve someone’s ingratitude or anger, or actions we label as foolish. I recently was guilty of the same thing here in the San Francisco Bay area with one of my hospice patients. Her ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, left her unable to move any part of her body except her eyes. She lived alone, other than her caretaker, and had no family. When I arrived for my weekly visit I saw workmen retiling her hallway and bathroom. She knew that she would be dead within […]

Poem: Days Before

Posted on January 24, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

I have never been one To accept what I see As reality for all to be. I have always questioned Everything I have seen As what if, and what could be. Mother, days before Entering the light You smiled with serenity. Father, days before Entering the light You fought with insanity. What if, I wasn’t there? Could it have been different? Is this what it is for all to be? Deborah Ann Tornillo Copyright© 2010 Author, “36 Days Apart” http://www.deborahtornillo.com

When the Crying Won’t Stop, Try Breathing

Posted on January 24, 2010 - by Gloria Arenson

I recently met a woman I’ll call Anna who lost her spouse in a terrible accident ten years ago. Although time has passed, for her, it is as if it happened yesterday. Whenever she remembers, as she does every day, she can’t help but weep. Anna wanted to tell me her story, and as she started to speak, she was so overwhelmed by her pain that she could only sob. I knew that reliving the moment over and over keeps the wound open, and this is harmful physically, emotionally and spiritually. Therefore, I showed Anna a simple technique for lessening […]

Bereaved Mom ‘Saved’ by Looking Outward, Helping Others

Posted on January 23, 2010 - by Genesse Gentry

After the death of our daughter Lori, I was completely devastated. Everything I believed about life was tossed out the window and I was filled with despair. It felt as if grief would destroy me. Much of that time is now a blur, too painful to remember. But I do recall clearly my feeling of disconnection from most of the world of the living. My life had been ruined and I had no idea what to do. The friends with whom I’d surrounded myself before Lori’s death had no way of knowing how to befriend me in this, and I […]

Dad’s Legacy: A Lesson About Giving

Posted on January 22, 2010 - by Eric Tomei

One of the great things that my dad taught me is that it is always better to give than receive, that to give unconditionally brings true happiness in life.That lesson has stuck with me. I volunteer for a charity here in Metro Detroit called Yatooma’s Foundation for the Kids (http://www.forthekidsfoundation.org). It assists families who have lost a parent with anything from grief counseling to bill-paying It touched my heart that there are so many families struggling. I was called the week before Christmas by Kristin, one of the dedicated Yatooma workers. She needed someone to be a shopper for 1-3 families in the […]

Listening to Haitians’ Stories Crucial in the Days Ahead

Posted on January 22, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Nobody knows how many Haitians were killed in the earthquake. The current estimate of 100,000-200,000 is beyond understanding. Though aid is pouring in from around the world, lack of government, communications, roads, heavy equipment, and gasoline prevents it from reaching the people. Captain Bruce Lindsey, commander of the USS Carl Vinson, anchored off Haiti’s coast, is quoted in the January 16-17 issue of “The Wall Street Journal” as saying, “Speed is of the essence in a crisis like this, but with the airport and harbor so badly damaged, there are clear limits to the amount of supplies that can be […]

Poem: A True Man for All to Behold

Posted on January 21, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

A gentle giant you were. Heaven’s blue eyes, and A handsome smile. Stories of past Written on your face. Poems of present in your heart. A courageous soldier You fought for our freedom. A loving husband and father. Hands of strength And, shoulders of steel. A protector of your kingdom. You walked your talk Always choosing the right road. A true man for all to behold. I miss you Daddy! Deborah Ann Tornillo Copyright© 2010 Author, “36 Days Apart” http://www.deborahtornillo.com

Grieving a Father and a Mother’s Soul Mate

Posted on January 21, 2010 - by Kathryn Williams Raths

As my mom, Patricia LaBean, and I placed our order for funeral flowers, on that day in May of 2008, she told the florist, “Fifty years ago July, I was here with my boyfriend ordering our wedding flowers!” It seemed like she lived a lifetime with her childhood sweetheart but it didn’t matter, it was all taken away in a moment’s time. We had no idea how to begin grieving the loss of my beloved father and my mom’s soul mate, LaVern LaBean (known by all as Buck). Our lives were shattered by his death. My mom’s biggest fear was to live by herself […]