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Connections to Daughter Abound Even After her Death

Posted on December 3, 2009 - by David Roberts

I still have a powerful relationship with my daughter Jeannine six-and-one-half years after her death. I believe that my relationship with her extends to other people in my life. I have been an adjunct professor at Utica College since January of 2003. I love my students deeply. They gave me energy when I had none, and purpose in a world that became foreign to me after Jeannine died. During the fall 2008 semester, I taught a Death, Dying and Bereavement class, and one of my students, “Jody,” shared an experience that she had during the semester. This is her story: […]

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Who Burned My Roles? How Our Identity Changes After a Loss

Posted on December 2, 2009 - by Mary Zemites

Our roles in life define us.  Parent, spouse, student, employee, sibling, and offspring are some examples.  Our identity is shaped by these roles. Before my husband’s death, my defining roles were mother, wife and caregiver.  With three young children and a terminally ill husband, these responsibilities took up the majority of my waking hours.  When Greg died, that changed dramatically.  In the aftermath of this loss, I naturally felt lost and confused.  Much of this was due to grieving his absence.  But, as time passed, I realized that I was also grieving the loss of my roles of wife and […]

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Creating Bereavement Songs Comforting to Families, Songwriter

Posted on December 1, 2009 - by Anna Huckabee Tull

I think I have the greatest job in the world. I get to sit across from people—people lost in profound, life-altering pain—and listen carefully to every word they say as they share their stories of life, loss, and memories. I get to take those stories and translate them into a different wavelength—a wavelength that, when they hear it, allows them to begin to heal, breathe from a deeper place, and start to know that even this most painful moment in their lives can eventually offer up some peace. And that “wavelength” is the wavelength of song. It is beyond my […]

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’60 Minutes’ Deserves Praise for Challenging Culture’s Denial of Death

Posted on November 30, 2009 - by Stan Goldberg

The 60 Minutes segment on end of life expenses did more than highlight inappropriate medical costs. It spoke to the role of medical technology in our cultural denial of death. As medical technology becomes more sophisticated in forestalling our inevitable end, we mistake “prolonging life” for “immortality.” Instead of treating death as a necessary price for living, we hide it as we do an embarrassing blemish. Rather than accepting it, we pretend it doesn’t exist. With every new life-stretching achievement, our gratitude to the medical community increases, their wealth grows exponentially, and our denial of death becomes easier. So easy […]

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Letter to a Son, Decades After His Death

Posted on November 30, 2009 - by Mitch Carmody

Dear Kelly,                                                                                                                                            November 23, 2009 I was going to name you Connor but decided on Kelly, another good Irish name… gosh that was 31 years ago…wow…now we are thinking about baby names again. We had named your sister Meagan, who is now due to have her second child at any moment. You left us, my son, when that veil between our worlds separated briefly and you stepped through. December 1st is always a grim reminder of that calendar day. It is approaching fast, like fierce storm clouds gathering on the far horizon; a dog howling deep down and fearful […]

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The Quantum Physics of Giving

Posted on November 30, 2009 - by Mitch Carmody

St. Frances of Assisi said: it is in giving that you receive, it is in healing that you are healed. I do not care what your religious background or belief system is, this 13th century Catholic monk hit it straight on the head. Nothing is more healing to our aching heart and soul then reaching out with a compassionate hand and heart to others in pain. During the course of my 8-year-old son’s battle with cancer, I attended a holistic college to learn massage. I wanted to be able to help rid toxins from Kelly’s chemo-ridden body and to give […]

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Hope For Heavy Hearts During Holidays

Posted on November 29, 2009 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

The holidays are here.  Normally, they are a time for family fun and celebration but when someone you loved has died, the season may be painful and lonely. When grieving ,we can feel completely overwhelmed with sadness.  We miss the loved person and we long for them.  “How can I make it through these days?” we ask.   “How will I survive?”  Here are some ways that have helped me to survive my many losses, particularly the death of my daughter, Katie.  Maybe they can help you, too. Your Body ~ Rest; you have experienced monumental loss.  You are exhausted.  Go to bed […]

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Votives for Remembrance

Posted on November 28, 2009 - by Yvonne Lancaster

The holidays are a particularly difficult time for many families who are yearning for their loved ones, no matter how long they have been gone. My grandmother, Georgiana, out-lived my grandfather, Arsene, by 25 years.  Not a day went by without her missing him.  Often, we would visit her. She was a warm and loving person with calm blue eyes who gave birth to 17 children.  She never spoke about how difficult it was raising so many, but rather looked at her life as a blessing, filled with many challenges only faith, hope and love could conquer. My grandmother kept the […]

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Celebrating My Deceased Daughter’s Birthday

Posted on November 26, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

Today would have been my elder daughter’s birthday.  She was born on Thanksgiving Day decades ago.  The hospital staff was preparing a turkey dinner for the new mothers, and I was very aware of the tantalizing smells while I was in labor.  I wanted to eat that dinner, but could not. How am I going to honor my daughter’s life? First, I am going to focus on thankfulness for having her in my life.  She became a composite engineer, had five additional engineering certificates, earned her MBA, and was supervising thee production lines for a Minnesota manufacturing company when she died.  […]

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Husband’s Death Surprises Wife with its Power

Posted on November 26, 2009 - by Mie Elmhirst

I expected to have this “grieving thing” wrapped up within a year. The way I saw it, I was 47 and probably had less years ahead of me than behind. I was willing to grieve (like I had a choice…), but I was counting on a sort of a statute of limitations, a timeline of grief that had a very distinct end point, after which I would feel free and wonderful and excited about my future. I knew women who were still grieving two, three, and four years after their husband died. To be honest, I saw them as rather […]

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