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The Role of Ritual Following a Major Loss

Posted on December 29, 2009 - by Stephanie Frogge

Several years ago, I was watching news coverage following the crash of a passenger plane that killed all on board. The plane actually crashed into the ocean so over the next few days, survivor families gathered at the shore nearest to where the plane had gone down to gather information, comfort one another, and engage in memorial rituals. Some family members chartered helicopters to fly over the actual crash site; many survivors participated in impromptu candlelight vigils; literally hundreds joined together for a more formal ceremony that culminated in throwing wreaths of flowers onto the water at sunset. One broadcast […]

Holiday Healing: Rest, Compassion, Prayer

Posted on December 28, 2009 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

The holidays have arrived. Normally they are a time for family fun and celebration but when you are grieving the loss of someone who has died, the season is different: it is painful. Grieving is a long process. It takes time to heal from the loss of a loved one. When we are grieving, we can feel completely overwhelmed with sadness, overwhelmed with missing the beloved person who has gone. We long for them. We think we will not survive. So we ask ourselves, “How can I make it through these days?” Here are some thoughts that have helped me. […]

Do the Holidays Feel Like Too Much? How Caregivers and Families Find Joy in the Season

Posted on December 27, 2009 - by Carol O'Dell

Do you feel like there’s just too much to do during the holiday season? If you’re caregiving, I’d be willing to bet that your stress levels are ramping on up there about now. It’s not that it’s not all good – the tree, the gifts, the home baked cookies, the parties, the family gatherings, the lights. Every one of those holiday components are wonderful. When the proverbial “soup pot” boils over and the cookies burn, you don’t want to go to one more red-sweater party (or there are no parties and you feel empty), and the whipped cream on top of the hot chocolate–someone says/does […]

Five Tips For Grievers During the Holidays

Posted on December 26, 2009 - by Jane Galbraith

The first Christmas without my mother was agony. Actually, the month before was probably worse than the day itself. Because my mother had been sick between December 6 and January 11, I relived the whole month, which included Christmas and New Year’s Day. I tried to do things that I had done with my mother in hopes of making everything “all right”. But of course, it would never be the same. Grief causes physical and emotional pain. Baby Boomers have come to expect instant pain relief in this fast paced society. Unfortunately, Baby Boomers will be facing this chapter in […]

Dear Widow: When Mistletoe and Holly Make You Feel All Blue

Posted on December 25, 2009 - by Linda Della-Donna

Oh, by gosh, by golly, whaddayaknow, it’s Happy Holiday time, again! And that red-suited man standing on your street corner’s extolling, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” making, you, dear widow, want to scream, “No! No! No!” instead, because your husband is dead. Just like teeny snowflakes falling from the sky, you’re feeling sad and a tiny bit silly. You don’t understand. Because it’s *hand over mouth* years since you buried that man. Not to worry. Because I’m a widow, too. And I got three tips for you to get you through. Tip #1 – Cry. Go ahead. Give yourself permission. Pick a […]

Poem: New Widow Speaks to God

Posted on December 24, 2009 - by Rosalie Siciliano

My husband is dead! My husband isn’t here anymore! I don’t have a partner anymore! I reach over to his side of the bed and it’s cold and empty. Look around…..I’m looking….the coffee cup is still sitting on the shelf. I look some more and the newspaper is still on the lawn… It’s awful quiet in here! Something is seriously wrong. Death has invaded the entire space of my existence…. Now just one minute! No, I’m in the middle of a dream… “still foggy from sleep?” I touch my pink cotton robe and I’m here…I’m awake. I’m still here. But, […]

Holiday Grief as a Gift

Posted on December 23, 2009 - by Pamela Prime

Grief is a profound gift. It is one we never request, but one we learn to respect. When grief comes, we are given a way through our pain and suffering to a new way of being… to becoming more real and more open to love than ever before. I say this as a way to encourage each of us, me included, to feel fully the pain we are experiencing, especially as we enter the Holiday Season. The memories of “how it used to be” and all the seasonal traditions, now celebrated without our loved one(s), weigh heavily upon us and […]

Choose Positive Memories During this Season of Hope

Posted on December 22, 2009 - by Patrick T. Malone

Patrick Malone’s remarks at The Compassionate Friends Atlanta Chapter 2009 Candle Light Remembrance. We would have traded places with our child without a second thought, but we weren’t given that choice. When that enormous pain of grief rolled into and totally disrupted our nice, neat, little life, we didn’t have a choice. Even now, months or years later, when a residual wave of grief chooses to crash along our shoreline, we aren’t given a choice. It just shows up. None of us aspired to be part of The Compassionate Friends. In fact, it ranks last in organizations that parents and […]

Grief Takes No Holidays

Posted on December 21, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

“Grief is the price you pay for love,” said therapist Carol Nevin at the December meeting of the Widows List Group at the Northbrook, Ill., Senior Center. Carol was there to discuss “Grieving During the Holidays,” and her visit was perfectly timed for Marilyn, one member who lost her husband six months ago and still feels “disoriented.” Marilyn said that confusion frustrates her more than anything else, because she always felt in control of her life. “And that’s perfectly normal, ” Carol assured us. “We all like control and predictability and we don’t like change, but death shows us that we have little control over life.” Carol also touched on another common part of grief that […]

Give Your Gift to the World

Posted on December 20, 2009 - by Gloria Arenson

Have you ever been complimented on something you have done and wondered why, since it was an ability you took for granted? Have you ever complimented someone else about what they do that impresses you because you couldn’t do it no matter how hard you tried, and they do it so well? Many years ago, when I was teaching classes at a City College adult-education division, Joan, who programmed the classes said, “How can you do what you do? I would be terrified standing up in front of a group and talking.” I was surprised by her words since teaching […]