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Saying Inappropriate Things to Bereaved Parents

Posted on November 8, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

When on your grief journey, you may hear people say things to you that are not appropriate at all. Perhaps that person was only trying to comfort you or has never lost a child and has no idea what you are feeling or going through. Certain phrases and sentences to others may seem like a way to show they care and are thinking about you, but all it really does is make you mad. Some of those phrases and my reactions (in italic type) to myself or others include: “Your child is in a better place.” No, she’s not. She […]

Christmas ‘Gifts’ Never the Same After Sister’s Death

Posted on November 8, 2009 - by Beryl Kaminsky

Nothing that can be wrapped in a box could ever compare to the “gift” of my older sister, Dawn. I still miss her keenly around the holidays, but I am thankful that she was a part of my childhood. Today, as Christmas approaches, holiday memories poignantly remind me of how love, life and loss can redefine the true meaning of “Christmas gifts.” Christmas was always a formal affair in my home growing up. We took turns opening gifts one at a time—the excitement and curiosity excruciating for a child. Still, my mother had a talent for making events quite special. […]

When Grieving an Abandonment

Posted on November 7, 2009 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: I was informed that my mother died, and I am grieving. My mother left me when I was a little girl. It hurt. I denied it for 40 years. So far, I have attended two different bereavement groups. Both are filled with people who are grieving a loved one. I am not. I do not have a string of memories of our times together to talk about how she taught me how to bake a pie, helped me plan my wedding, helped me through my divorce, paid for college, took care of my kids while I […]

Grief + Fear = Holding On To Hope

Posted on November 5, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

My parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in February, 2006 and as their sole caregiver for almost two years the physical and mental toll it placed on me at times was almost unbearable. I feel I was really just beginning to grieve the loss of my parents when my husband was diagnosed with Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma in March, 2009. Adenoid cystic carcinoma (ACC) is a rare cancer, typically originating in the head and neck region. This malignancy has a slow – and sometimes relentless – progression with a tendency to grow along nerves. Particularly high rates of recurrence and metastasis to […]

The Daniel Journal

Posted on November 5, 2009 - by Alice Wisler

I embraced it; I loathed it. It was a cloth bound book with blue and red swirled flowers on the cover. Inside were the raw words from my heart and soul. Once it was filled with crisp, lined pages. That was the day it was gifted to me by my three-year-old son Daniel’s oncology nurse. That day it was just a pretty journal. Daniel smiled as I thanked this nurse for her thoughtful present. Months later, this object contained sentences no one wants to ever write. Never far from me, I lived for moments when I could take respite from […]

Being in the NOW Helps Dissolve Stress

Posted on November 5, 2009 - by Gloria Arenson

Almost every spiritual teacher I have ever come across talks about being in the NOW. Most of us know what it means intellectually, but rarely give it much thought or put it into practice. Occasionally, I may be counseling someone who becomes extremely carried away emotionally. Sometimes, they feel disoriented and detached from the here and now. This may happen when an upsetting memory is triggered in the brain and the body relives an early experience as if it is happening again in the present moment. When that occurs, I ask them to focus on the feel of their feet […]

Grieving: a Normal Part of Life

Posted on November 4, 2009 - by admin

Are you grieving over the loss of a loved one? Whether you are around friends, family, acquaintances, or strangers, understand that grieving is a natural and normal part of life. If you are grieving and are having trouble being with others, here are a few ways to better deal with your loss. 1. Grieving is a natural part of life – we grieve when we lose something we love. For some reason, in the West, we deal with grieving, death and dying, as unspeakable subjects. It is as though we think if we don’t talk about them, they will go […]

The Cup of Coffee: Small Kindnesses Help in Big Ways

Posted on November 4, 2009 - by Alice Wisler

October, for me, will always be radiation month. My son Daniel was diagnosed with cancer in May, and by the fall, he was scheduled for radiation treatments every morning. For two weeks, after putting my six-year-old daughter on the school bus, my sons and I would make the trek to UNC Hospital. After unbuckling both four-year-old Daniel and eleven-month-old Benjamin from their car seats, I would put Benjamin in a stroller. The three of us would enter the clinic. As we sat in the lobby, waiting for Daniel’s turn for the tumor on his neck to be radiated, coffee in […]

Anger a Natural Part of Grieving

Posted on November 4, 2009 - by Connie Vasquez

Anger could never be the first stage of grief. First, you’re busy making arrangements, then you’re just numb. I figure it takes a good couple of weeks before you get good and pissed off. If you’ve never juggled before, but always wanted to, you will now have an opportunity to experience the “thrill” of trying to navigate your own grief, while donning the socially-expected stiff upper lip, while simultaneously restraining yourself from slugging someone. It’s quite a feat. Nowhere will you get more practice than when you return to work (more about that in another post). Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, in her book On Grief and Grieving, found that “anger […]

Poem: I Want To Go Home

Posted on November 3, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

I want to go home And, have my parents Shower me with kisses Tender, but strong hugs And, look into their eyes Feeling safe, as their child. I want to go home And, sit with them At their dinner table And, enjoy my mother’s Home cooked meals And, Dad’s story telling. I want to go home And, hold their hands Sit together with them In a peaceful silence As they watch their Favorite television program. I want to go home And, take care of them again Holding them in my arms Kissing their faces And, never letting go. I miss […]