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Grief Does Not Define Me

Posted on April 11, 2023 - by Judy Lipson

Grief Does Not Define Me When my daughter told me that grief defined me, I felt like I had been punched in my gut. After years of presenting a happy persona, and not talking about my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, I learned that my acting skills would not win an Oscar. Her words forced me to switch the narrative from grief does not define me to grief is a part of me. Losing my two sisters forty-two and thirty-three years ago forever changed my life. This is my life, my story, and embracing this truth has lifted a burden of […]

After a Sibling Loss: Signs Not to be Ignored

Posted on April 8, 2023 - by Sue Trace Lawrence

After a sibling loss, it’s natural for a child of any age to experience grief in some form. So what should parents consider a sign of trouble for the child after the sibling’s death? What could be seen as symptoms of mental illness? Below is not an exhaustive list, but it suggests common clues often seen in a child who is suffering emotionally, socially, and psychologically. Signs Not To Be Ignored Expressing statements or presenting behaviors that imply threats to harm self or others. Extreme social withdrawal, to the point of isolation despite the attempts of family and friends to […]

Common Reactions to Sibling Loss

Posted on April 6, 2023 - by Sue Trace Lawrence

Common Reactions to Sibling Loss What are the most common reactions to sibling loss? How do siblings react at different stages of childhood? Here are some generalities: Reactions Among Infants These children may be too young to know the specifics of the tragedy, but they can pick up cues from people around them. Babies can sense that something is different in their environment. Parents who care for them appear distant and upset. Adults may stop interacting with them. The baby experiences less security; their needs may not be fully met. The baby is learning that what once was a happy […]

Fear After Sibling Loss

Posted on April 4, 2023 - by Sue Trace Lawrence

Fear After Sibling Loss Fear is commonplace in children after a sibling’s death. Many times, the surviving child may not state their fear directly, but an astute parent can detect this emotion in statements such as these: I don’t want to go to school. Please keep the light on for me at night. Can I sleep in your room/bed? Turn off the TV; I don’t want to watch that show. Is Daddy going to be OK on his trip? Don’t go to the store, Mommy! Can I come with you when you run your errands? Where is my old teddy […]

Sadness After Sibling Loss

Posted on April 2, 2023 - by Sue Trace Lawrence

Sadness After Sibling Loss When a loved one dies, everyone expects the family to experience sadness. Sadness has become a synonym for grief, but the truth is, grief is usually comprised of many mixed emotions. The most prevalent of these are the aforementioned guilt and anger. One of the reasons these two become so strong is due to our society’s labeling of these as “bad” emotions. It is acceptable to be heartbroken that your sibling is gone, but if a child makes statements related to self-centeredness or resentment, he or she is made to feel guilty. Even unhappiness can become […]

Gratitude While Grieving

Posted on March 31, 2023 - by Judy Lipson

Gratitude While Grieving I do not believe in making New Year’s resolutions, but believe in stating what I am grateful for. After all that we have lost, how are we different today than a year ago? How has our perspective on things changed? And what are we grateful for? In December, we welcomed grandson number two who arrived five weeks early. So grateful he is in good health, home, thriving and has the love of family around him. I recall the birth of grandson number one and how my emotions bubbled up, the contrast of extreme feelings of joy to […]

Anger after a Sibling Loss

Posted on March 29, 2023 - by Sue Trace Lawrence

Anger after a Sibling Loss When a child loses a sibling, the surviving child may be overwhelmed by anger. As with guilt, anger can be conscious or unconscious and is evident in thoughts like the following: I am mad at my sibling for messing up my life. My parents should have protected my brother. My mom and dad should be there for me. God shouldn’t have let this happen to my family. The doctors and nurses weren’t good enough to fix my sister. My friends don’t understand and aren’t there for me. My family should have included me more in […]

Spring Holidays May Trigger Grief

Posted on March 27, 2023 - by Janice Bell Meisenhelder

Spring Holidays May Trigger Grief Our springtime spiritual holidays and rituals hold memories and significance which enriches our lives. But they may also be difficult waters to navigate following the loss of a loved one. Just as Thanksgiving or other holidays harken traditions of gathering with family and friends, these spring holidays often hold the same expectations of togetherness. People in grief react differently to these holiday triggers, just as any other trigger. Some people find great comfort in gathering with others and reminiscing. One woman found the Stages of the Cross of Good Friday to offer her the opportunity […]

We Don’t Grieve Alone

Posted on March 21, 2023 - by Sara Striefel

It’s been three years since my mother joined the light, and my grief continues to evolve. Most days I am whole, planting my feet on the ground, paying my bills, feeding my children. It happens still though. Sometimes in the quiet of solitude. Sometimes in the piercing morning light, when the beauty of a snow-covered mountainside is so startling that it brings me to tears. I remember her love of everything. Everything. And for a moment I cannot breathe. It never goes away, but I have learned to live with my grief, to welcome it even. It no longer bowls […]

Role of Guilt in Sibling Loss

Posted on March 17, 2023 - by Sue Trace Lawrence

How Guilt Shows Itself More than any other emotion, guilt arguably dominates the mental life of a sibling who losing a sibling. This guilt can take many forms, depending on the relationship between the siblings and the manner of death. Siblings can feel responsible and place blame on themselves, sometimes irrationally. Common thoughts reflecting this self-blame include: I am older, so I should have been the protector. Why didn’t I go first? I was sick, too, so why didn’t I die? I shouldn’t have thought those mean things about my sister. I should have been nicer and not fought the […]