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Floating Downstream: What Loss Has Taught Me

Posted on October 16, 2009 - by Monica Novak

During summer breaks, my 12-week reprieve from the regimented early-morning school schedule, my three girls and I love to sleep in and lounge around in our pajamas all morning (okay, they lounge while I do dishes and laundry and try to get them to pick up their stuff that’s strewn all over the house!). We spend our afternoons at the pool enjoying the sun with friends or visiting family in Indiana. Our evenings are spent listening to free outdoor concerts or curling up on the couch for movie night – which in the summer can be any night we want! […]

First Halloween

Posted on October 15, 2009 - by Beth Seyda

I usually love Halloween, seeing all the little kids in their cute costumes struggling to hold up their trick or treat bags and trying to say “trick or treat”. But that first Halloween was only a couple of weeks after our infant son, Dylan, had died, and I knew I could not be at home to give out treats this year. I felt bad about it, but I knew that I would be in no shape to see so many kids. So my husband, Mark, and I decided to see an early movie and have dinner. This would keep us […]

Poem: I Hear You

Posted on October 14, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

Before I cross uncertain land I hear Daddy say to me. Little girl hold on to my hand And, remember to look both ways. If you should have any doubt Always call out my name. And, I will always guide you Through the unknown and the same. Keep laughing long into the night I hear Daddy say to me. Little girl wipe away your tears And, ride through life without fears. If you should have any doubt Always call out my name. And, I will always be by your side Through the joy and the pain. Compassionately go about your […]

When Will I Feel Better?

Posted on October 14, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox Why don’t I feel better? It’s been a year…two years…three years since I lost my child. I hear this a lot. Don’t be impatient. The fact that you want to feel better and move on with your life after the loss of a child is a good sign. What you don’t realize is that it may take a very long time. Each of us reacts differently. Each of us heals differently. There is no set time that you should be well and functioning again. Your mind will do a lot of the work for you. And your […]

Spirals of Hope: We Can Help Each Other

Posted on October 13, 2009 - by Megan Prescott

I just finished my weekly phone chat with my friend Nancy. Last year, Nancy’s mother, father, and brother all passed away within 6 weeks of one other, each from different illnesses. Her brother Brian was my dear friend and, after his passing, I kept in close contact with her. Since then, we have become very connected, like sisters. Our biggest and most intense bond is that in the twenty years before Nancy lost her family, I had already lost mine. Nancy and I are similar in several ways no one wants to be: both our parents have died, we endured losing […]

Talking About Grief

Posted on October 11, 2009 - by admin

by Harriet Hodgson Talking about grief is necessary for grief reconciliation. If we don’t talk about our grief we bottle it up inside and that is not good. Grief experts tell their clients to write and talk about grief. Indeed, letting grief out and speaking about it can be a goal. Bob Deits, author of “Life After Loss,” thinks we should tell one or two people about our grief each day. “Tell anyone who will listen to you about your loss,” he advises. He thinks we should tell as many people as we can and not be hesitant about giving […]

Anger a Normal Step in the Grief Process

Posted on October 9, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

At a recent dinner party, one of my newly-widowed friends complained that another guest wasn’t being nice to her. “He isn’t talking to me. He isn’t asking how I feel now that I lost my husband,” she said. “It makes me mad that he acts as though nothing happened.” Similarly, another newly-widowed friend complained that one group of women she had been close to stopped calling after her husband’s funeral. “It’s been six months and not one of them picked up the phone to call me lately. I’m so angry at them,” she said. “Obviously they don’t even care about how I feel now.” I told both women not […]

Facing the Early Days of Grief

Posted on October 9, 2009 - by John French

It’s overwhelming to face a tragedy that you never saw coming. Grief rises up suddenly from the meadows of life like an insurmountable peak. The base is vast and panoramic. You can see nothing beyond the moment and the ascent seems impossible. Even though we are stranded in a woeful valley, it’s apparent that nothing prosperous blooms once the season has passed. There is no reason to linger in a fruitless depression, especially when those who have already crossed over are urging us on. If we simply relent without any effort to lift our selves up, then there is no […]

From Pain to Ache to ‘New Me’: Healing From the Loss of a Child

Posted on October 8, 2009 - by Coralease Ruff

Never in my wildest nightmare could I have imagined that my child, my only daughter, would die. Nor could I imagine living through it. The unthinkable did happen! My 21-year daughter was killed in a car accident in which some construction equipment ran into her car. This tragedy occurred in the Dominican Republic where my daughter had gone to serve as a missionary. How I survived is still a mystery. However, I am here to tell you about it and about the cues that indicated I was getting better. When I first told my story at a local Compassionate Friends […]

Can We Ever ‘Accept’ Death of Loved One?

Posted on October 8, 2009 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: This just isn’t something I can live with. I want to see my dad more than anything in the world. I can’t even go near the words “closure” or “accept.” My friend, who never lost anyone, even a pet, in her life, told me in a matter-of-fact, cheery voice, “You gotta get over it, right? Pick yourself up. Go out and live life. Your dad would have wanted you to be out there, I bet.” I almost hung up on her. I know she meant well, but I was so upset by that. My own reaction […]