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There is No ‘But’ in Grief

Posted on October 1, 2009 - by Judith Pedersen

Does grief sit on a continuum from best to worst? It sometimes seems that way. “Yes, but I still have my husband, you don’t. Your story is worse…” “Yes, but at least I got to say ‘goodbye,’ you didn’t. Your story is worse…” “I could never get over the loss of a child. Your story is worse…” Are some losses “easier”? Do adult children grieve less for parents than husbands grieve for wives; do parents grieve more for children; do young children, laughing and playing, experience loss at all? In groups, I hear these comparisons. As I listen, I wonder. […]

Poem: The Eagle

Posted on October 1, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

The Eagle Peace in the midst Of the storm Lay aside, worries Discouragements Stretch my wings Rise above And, soar. Here it comes again Stretch my wings Catch the wind And, rise above it Cast my fears Remain at rest Stay in Peace. Fight through it Struggle And, strain Come out weary Worn And beat up Or rise above it. Stretch my wings Rise above it Cast my cares Ride the wind Do my best Enter into God’s rest. Deborah Ann Tornillo Copyright© 2009 http://www.authorsden.com/dtornillo

October is the Time of Change

Posted on October 1, 2009 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

In my younger days, I thought I could control change. I learned, and not quickly I would add, that no one can control or stop change anymore than one can hold back the tides or halt the autumn leaves transforming from green to gold. This brings me to today’s topic of change and how to understand it and accept its daily invitation. First, change is inevitable. Think of those individuals you know who, despite painful adversity, have been able to go on even after their world changed and fell down around them. These individuals accept – sometimes hourly – the […]

Renting a Mourner

Posted on September 30, 2009 - by admin

by Harriet Hodgson When there are big jobs to be done — power washing the deck, tilling a garden, painting a house — Americans rent big equipment. The job gets done quickly and the equipment is returned. Recovering from the deaths of four loved ones was a big job and I wished I could rent a mourner, someone to feel pain for me while I pulled myself together. Two loved ones, my daughter and father-in-law, died the same weekend. The losses stunned me. Six weeks later my brother died and I really wished I could rent a mourner. Then, just […]

The Hidden Wounds of Bereavement

Posted on September 30, 2009 - by Janice Ervin

On a typical workday in mid-afternoon, Sandy slipped quietly from the conference room meeting. With a rapid tap, tap, tap, her heels echoed along the corridor. Purse in hand, she checked her watch, then shook her head. The meeting had taken longer than expected, and she was running late for her doctor appointment. The elevator arrived promptly and before long, she was out the front door. Lately, she had been plagued with migraines. The throbbing pain had become such a constant companion, she hardly remembered a time before it existed. She signaled a cab by raising her arm and was […]

A Stir in the Heavens: Just Say No to Letting Go

Posted on September 29, 2009 - by Mitch Carmody

Yes, we are shaking up the status quo of grieving in this country. We are the grief stricken, we are the broken hearted, we are the disenchanted, and we are the anguished. We are the bereaved parent; we are the many who are now saying No to letting go. From the Viet Nam war to the Oklahoma bombing, the shootings at Columbine, the 9/11 terrorist attack on New York City, murders in Rwanda, Northern Ireland, South Africa, the wars in Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Palestine, Israel, in the countless other countries around the world and on the streets of our cities […]

Grief Reminders: September, October, November

Posted on September 29, 2009 - by Deborah Tornillo

The first few days in the hospital I was told by my father’s doctor that he had experienced several more strokes. One of the strokes required 4-5 nurses to hold him down. He became very physical during these episodes and on this particular one he managed to break one of the nurse’s glasses. They had him in a room directly outside the nurses’ station where they could monitor him 24/7. There was also a nurse brought in from Hospice to sit vigilantly outside his bedroom door. He continued to make attempts at trying to get out of bed, but his […]

Father Grieves Deeply for Loss of Only Son

Posted on September 29, 2009 - by Gloria Horsley

James writes in: I just ran into this site tonight as I am still grieving deeply of my son James who died in an ATV accident on July 26, 2009. I am a physician and have seen a lot of death and many corpses and have signed hundreds of death certificates but I just cannot get the vision of my dead son out of my head and find myself overwhelmed with grief on a daily basis. My son was incredibly intelligent and going to college and also working with me part time in my practice and living with me. He […]

Overcoming the Message that You Should ‘Hurry Up’ Your Grief

Posted on September 28, 2009 - by Jane Galbraith

There are many obstacles that impede our ability to heal from grief. Some of these are self-imposed and others are a result of how our society handles this subject. Here are three things to keep in mind while you are grieving: 1. We are bombarded by expressions in our society that encourage us such as “move on,” “get closure,” “life goes on.” None of these expressions acknowledges the pain that is felt at a time of significant loss. If we listen to these phrases, we may feel that if we can’t get back to “normal” quickly, there is something wrong […]

Taking ‘Turtle Steps’ in the Journey Through Grief

Posted on September 28, 2009 - by Ellen Besso

During the 1970s, a number of my close family members died over six summers. The last of them was my two-day-old baby. It was a long time ago, but it’s been the hardest thing life has ever dealt me. I believe that this loss allowed me to develop true empathy for others. The loss I’m now experiencing has come in stages, as my elderly mother deteriorates slowly from Alzheimer’s disease. Each year she seems to go to a new stage, plateauing there for quite a while, eventually shifting mentally and physically into a different phase. Then we have to learn […]